How can I get through feeling alone in caring for my aging parents?

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I feel frustrated, mad, tired, worn out and alone. I don't feel like I have what it takes and I want to run away. How can I get through this? i feel bad and i am frustrated and mad. i am tired worn out and feel alone so very alone with decisions. family gives advice but no one will help. people offer explanation as to why bad things happen. i am so worn out. i dont feel like i have what it takes. i want to run away. i feel so abondoned.

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Just feeling down in the dumps today. Feeling used and powerless. I cannot walk into a room where my mother is without her giving an order. SHe never has been nurturing and I am wondering why an I doing this. I am giving so much and rarely feel she appreciates me giving up everything. JUST VEnting!!
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Feeling like a maid, 24/7 waitress, nurse, and doormat all at the same time? Many in this forum can relate.

My only suggestion, since you're the sole caregiver, is to identify the things your parents -- and husband -- can do on their own. Teach them "how to fish" so they can feed themselves. As long as they keep saying "Jump" and you respond "How high?" nothing is going to change.

One of the pitfalls of caregiving is having your self-esteem, self-respect, and identity dictated by others. Your sense of self-worth hinges on how quickly you can satisfy other people's wants, needs, and whims. And if you've gone through that all your life chances are you don't know who you really are.

There's no doubt you're going through psychological abuse complete with emotional blackmail. Instead of running away, try learning to manipulate the situation to your advantage or level the playing field. You're a lot stronger than you think.
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My mother is 86, her memory has declined so fast over the last couple years, we hardly know its the same lady. She is sweet and easy to care for. She still lives in her own home at night but is at our home every day all day because she doesn't remember to eat or drink on her own. My husband and my teenage boys are wonderful with her but my own siblings are not helpful at all but of course are supportive with my decisions. We feel very guilty not wanting to have her permanently move in with us but then again its hard to move her to a memory care facility because she really wants to stay in her own place. We are so tied down , its hard to even go away for the weekend much less a real vacation. I am so torn on what to do and how do.
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Sorry you are feeling so isolated and sounds like you are suffering from caregivers burn out, too. It does help a lot if you can get a friend or two for a small support system so you can get a break from the house and your loved one for a while at least once a month. Maybe that could help so you can get your bearings back and feel better about what you do. That might be an idea to take care of your mental health as well as helping the people you take care of get a break. Hope this helps and hang in there.
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Ivonne, I have been my mom's caregiver for 4 years, and I 'm in the same situation of you. I take 15-20 minutes walking outside nearby, or go to a close chapel for about 5 minutes where I can be alone, breathe and cry, yes cry. It helps a lot. And the most important,I've been seen a psychology, now a social worker. Good luck.
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Have you ever seen a little hummingbird protect his babies? I have right here in my yard I have a palm tree and I’ve notice for years a few hummingbird's flying around year after year. This year I started to paid a little closer attention and watch how he stands and watches his nest,Then I saw a bluebird being chase by this little small bird and the bluebird flew off, Again I saw another bird come and again the little bird chase him off. I took a photo of the little bird and I had a time finding him in the photo. ,when I did and I saw how little he was. I wonder how he was able to scare off the bigger birds. So I guess what I am saying is no matter how big the caregiving job is, it can and will be done, by someone weather you or me or a loving one person and it is up to us to either find someone or be that one.love and hugs johnnycares
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Yvonne---Just keep in mind that you are doing your best to care for your husband-and also remember that it is very important to care for yourself as well....A good place to have support is a support group-whether it be online or in person, as you will perhaps find there are others in your situation as well. Kuddos to you!
Best, Hap
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Has anyone here use medicaid to pay for payment of any nurse aid for longer then four hours????
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Yvonne,

I am right there with you caring for my father who is slowly dying of lung disease. I've been through hell with hospitals, nursing homes, and finally decided to bring dad home and hire caregivers. Even with caregivers 12 hours a day I am feeling the way you do.

What I've done is to reach out to my church and try to find some counseling - just someone who I can talk to and vent to and express my fears, concerns. It helps. If you're not part of a church, see if you can find some counseling or a local support group for caregivers. Ask your doctor or the doctor of the person you're caring for for recommendations for support for you.

To take the stress of myself I have also decided to take a leave of absence from my job. Now at least I don't have the added pressure of needing to be somewhere at a certain time or the worry of how dad and the caregiver are doing. I'm also available to help the caregiver out so we work as a team.

If you don't have caregivers helping you - look into it. Just having someone else in the house to bounce things off of and to have company helps also.

Hope this helps some.
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Preach it Sis and Sandy48!!!!!! I'm in your amen corner!!!!

2old, put some locks on your bedroom and bathroom doors!!!!! I wonder if your spouse might not be somewhat like what I once was in walkig on eggshells around you and your mother.

Either spouse can only take so much of feeling like you have someone in your life more important than them and after some time it just feels like you are not really married anymore and if you have children then you begin to feel like a single parent which in many ways is true.

How in the world, some people preach sermons, teach, and write artcles as well as books about marriage, divorce and adultery but never talk about this kind of emotional boundary issue but them want to condem the same people for getting a divorce is beyond me? The Bible is very clear about the importance of married people spending time alone with each other and to not do so puts the person in a position of great temptation. What one person does by making the other spouse feel second class does not excuse what they might do in the face of temptation, but it does help explain it. From my perspective, there are many more affairs of the heart than there are affairs of the flesh. Some folks need to do some serious waking up about either being their spouse's wife or husband vs their elderly parent's subsititute spouse or little kid once again who is so afraid of or obligatted to or feel guilty about which leads to sacrificing one's marital vows, parental responsibilities, etc. on the altar of twisted sick thinking; an unhealthy personality; or toxic religion.
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