Only Caregiver for both my Parents. How do I not feel alone when I have 7 other siblings?


I am the only caregiver for both my parents, I have 7 other siblings but none have stepped up to the plate, I am the youngest of all the children, my parents have lived wwith me off and on for 10 years, but with in the last two years they have both been rediagnosed with lung cancer this time it is terminal. my father is 80 and my mother is 68, my dad was diagnosed first followed by my mother 2 months later. needless to say it has been very stressful, my own doctor recently diagnosed me with severe depression.
but even this does not make any of my siblings jump up to help. I feel very alone and isolated. so I found this site, I am hopeing to make some new friends and get some helpful advice. thanks

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Dear Cherkeebaby,
I agree with all that sunshinecaregiver said. Hospice may the only route for you. My Mom had colon cancer that now has migrated into her lungs and the doctor said that with chemo he gave her 1 to 1 1/2 yrs to live and without chemo - 6-9 months. The doctor will not administer chemo for various reasons: Too old-86 yrs, underweight -under 69 pds, loss of appetite even now, too weak and frail, etc... And this after Dad passed away only 3 months ago.
My Mom is under in-home hospice care and her insurance pays for most of it. They have a nurse that comes 2x a week to assess Mom's condition, a bather comes 3x a week, a social worker comes whenever I need her for advice and counseling and a doctor who will come whenever I need him. But maybe both of your parents are eligible for hospice care right now? You should check into it with their PCP or call hospice itself and a hospice SW who will come and asses both your parents to find out if they qualify. Depression, unfortunately is part of our symptoms as caregivers as I suffer from clinical depression also. I have never understood why some siblings do not step up to the plate and help. Don't they love their parents also? Don't they realize that their parents changed their diapers and wiped their butts too? The callousness of their behaviour is outrageous and unacceptable. I believe also what sunshinecaregiver said about just letting them be and not waste any energy in asking them for help when they already know that you need it. They will reap what they sow and that is sad for them. I am new to this forum and the people here have helped me greatly with my questions. Keep coming here and the people who answer your questions on anything is a great help from our Lord.
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You are not alone. We are here for you. You have a lot to deal with and as was suggested,Hospice would help you out a lot. Lack of sibling support is the norm on this sight, unfortunately. It is next to impossible to see why being chosen as the caregiver is a blessing. My experiance is, I had lessons to learn that I would not have learned otherwise. It was part of the "bigger picture" of my life. I learned that what I could do under those circumstances, I learned about my strength, my faith. I learned I had forgiven my father, could take care of him and he no longer had the power to destroy me.
So, you have come to the right place. You are in a situation that is hard, you are depressed, and there are no magic words. Find some ways to take care of yourself. Read some of the posts here and get suggestions.You are one of us and please keep us informed. God Bless.
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cherkeebaby7, I am sorry that both of your parents are terminally ill. That is pretty heavy to deal with, I would imagine. It is understandable that you are severely clinically depressed and I am hoping that along with the diagnosis, your doctor has initiated some treatment plan that will support you now that you most need medical support and treatment to help you face all that you are facing at this time of your life.

Have you looked into hospice care for your parents, already? If a doctor has diagnosed that they are within a certain number of months of dying from a disease, hospice in-home, or facility-based care may be available in your area to help take the full burden of your parents' care off your shoulders. That is just one thing that comes to mind without knowing anything else about your situation. Regardless, you are in the right place to feel support of other caregivers who are able to share frustrations, fears and the unending roller coaster ride of the caregiver's experience.

While this may sound strange, just one viewpoint only, when sinblings distance themselves from caregiving, my take is that it is not worth a single moment of my precious life energy to fuss about something clearly outside of my control. My focus is always to direct my energy and attention to situations, resources and people, that will be uplifting and to stay clear of situations that further sap my energy. I share my viewpoint on that topic with you only because severe depression is already an energy sapper without expending energy trying to persuade adult siblings to step up to the plate. Take care of yourself. There is only one you!
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