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My mom is 80 and my dad is 88. In the last year he has deteriorated in health significantly. My mother has been trying her best but he is urinating and defecating in the house, cannot often walk and is definitely paranoid about paper work and will verbally abuse her and today he threw things at her. We are at a loss of what to do. Please help. We are in New York.

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We took my grandfather away from my grandmother when we found out she was abusing him. He stayed at my house till we got her help. She was in the first stages of dementia and unable to control her anger which led to aggression.
We sat down with her, at a time when she was calm, and told her either she goes to see a doctor with us or she goes to the hospital with the police. We told her how much we care about her and her health, so if we had to call the authorities we would. She didn't understand everything, but she understood the police coming and taking her away, so she finally went with us. She's on medication now and her aggression has dramatically decreased. Thankfully we didn't have to call authorities, but they are there if you need them. You can take care of things yourself, like we did, but it won't be easy, and getting him medical attention is only the beginning. He will need continued care, especially if he has dementia/alzhiemers. Nice thing is that there are loads of resources that can assist you.
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i'm with coach, call Adult Protective Services as soon as possible. your dad needs more help than you can give alone.
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Contact your States Adult Protective/Family Services. They can help you get the required care your father desperately needs. But do this very soon as he could unintentionally injure your mother.
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