My mother has Alzheimer's, I have Durable POA, but can't keep my sister from talking money our of my moms funds. Is this abuse, how do I stop it?


I could close Mom's accounts, but she likes to wirte a check for hairdresser, etc, and feel a little control, so I have not done that. Would like to advise my sister of Elder abuse, if this situation qualifies.

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Vickie, what if mom ONLY used a credit card? That way sister wouldn't be able to sponge any money, and mom would still be able to spend (without going crazy) hopefully.
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How competent is your mother to understand the decisions she is making? Unless she is not legally competent I guess she can give her money to anyone she wants to.

But the fact that you are exercising POA indicates she is a vulnerable adult. Shame on your sister for taking advantage of her!

I think two accounts make sense. That's how I let my husband (dementia) have a checkbook to pay for haircuts and incidentals without putting our household account at risk. Yes, with your sister involved that may mean more work for you, perhaps checking that account online daily, and it may mean some overdraft charges, but in the long run it might be worth it.

Good luck!
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Some months it is over $2,000, but not consistently. As Mom's expenses increase it will make it difficult to meet 'both' households. My concern about letting Mom have a separate account is insufficient funds checks - Sis can talk her out of anything. I'll give it more thought and contact Missouri Elder Abuse Omnibudsman...not sure how to do that, but will try.
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This is a hard one. Is it possible to open a second account for your mother (that your sister doesn't have access to) and put most of your mother's funds in there? You could keep just enough in her "public account" for her to pay the hairdresser and other monthly luxuries. It would mean adding funds to the "public account" every month or as needed. This would mean more work for you. Are you up for it?
Unfortunately, unless the amount is more than $2,000 a month, it probably doesn't qualify as elder abuse. But you might contact your state's elder abuse omnibudsman anyway. Just the inquiry might cause your sister to stop and think.
Good luck.
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