How can you get your siblings to help take your mom for 3 months each year?

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the family is dsyfuctional, lack of communication and toxic. I just want mom to be o.k. she can no longer live alone, is asking to live with someone and they ignore her. i am willing to take her for 3 months they do not respond.

Answers 1 to 9 of 9
Why would you want your mother to live with, what you already coined as "dysfunctional" family members? There must be a better solution.
I think mryder meant the family system was dysfunctional. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I understand what she's saying. Each member can actually be okay human beings, but the way relationships and communication work (or rather don't work) in the family is unhealthy. One thing I've learned over the last few months is that you can't take reasonable, healthy suggestions that you read on websites and apply them to a dysfunctional family. You'll scare the heck out of them if you try to approach them with reasonable family planning and they will turn on you with a venom you won't believe. You need to just focus on what you are willing to do - not what you feel obligated or guilted to do, just what you are really willing to do. If you don't want your mom to live with you full time, and it's perfectly okay if you don't, then start working on other options. If she can't financially afford housing, there are gov't programs that can help, like Medicaid, Section 8 housing, veterans benefits if your dad was a vet. Call your local dept of aging and see what they can do for you. I feel for you, I really do.
Top Answer
I too come from a dysfunctional family. My Mom thankfully is still healthy enough for the moment. She has emphysema, is on oxygen 24/7, gets out of breath and tired very easy. I was driving 50 minutes twice a week to help her, she doesn't drive. I have 3 sisters and a brother. One sis is out of the picture all together. One sis is bi-polar, one sis is soooo busy all the time and brother has his own issues. The house next door to me went up for sale and we moved my Mom in there. What a relief! We feel so much better with her being so close. I know in the near future she will need more attention and I have finally come to terms with doing this alone. I for one will have no regrets when mom's time comes and I can lay my head down and sleep very well at night. Sometimes you have to realize the other family members will always have excuses and you have to live with that. Good luck to you.
Only God can change hearts, and unless something dramatic happens in your siblings lives and they respond to doing what is right, you may be on your own. My mother had her stroke 2 years ago, and our son has visited 3 times in that period. Very sad. Perhaps you can check out the various options above and then start visiting the skilled care nursing/assisted living facilities in your area. Another idea might be to look for a live-in situation for your mother with someone close to her own age who can keep an eye on her. Your Senior Center might know of someone, or perhaps a church nearby might have someone in mind. This worked well for my mother and her roommate for 3 years until my mother's stroke. Now my mother is at a Skilled Care Nursing facility with an excellent professional and caring staff. My mother has long-term care insurance which pays for half of her room and board. I have been told that you might be able to apply for Medical once your mother's finances have completely run out.
There are lawyers who deal with elder law; perhaps you can get their input and also find a good social worker whom you can deal with. Please keep us updated!
I think that Sallie's response is right on target. I am the only one out of three siblings who takes care of my Mom. First I moved her into a retirement independent living complex close to me. After awhile, it was harder for her to live alone, as she became more and more forgetful, and seemed afraid to live by herself. She asked to live with us. I moved her in, (luckily we had a small apartment space within our home) and although it's not been totally perfect and smooth, I feel at peace having made this decision, and am mostly happy that she is close and being well cared for. She's been with us for about 9 months now. The biggest problem is she wants to be around me CONSTANTLY. :) Like a little kid. I have to be firm to set some rules and boundaries, or I could go crazy, and sometimes I get snappy like a tired Mom might get with a fussy toddler. But, as I say, it mostly goes quite smoothly. Best of luck w/ your Mom, and remember, as Sallie says, you can't expect the others to step up to the plate and be as giving and generous as you are willing to be.
The simple answer is you can't. My younger sister lived 7 minutes from my parents but would not lift a finger to help them. My brother and I alternated days to care for them. Primarily my Dad who had end stage CHF. My brother would drive 30 miles one way and I would drive 45. But that was our parents/dad so we didn't mind. My father, after much suffering, passed away and my mother decided to move to an Assisted Living Facility where she has been very happy. My point is either you have to figure out a way to get the family to help or you may have to find an alternative placement.
Bottom line..you CAN'T get your siblings to help if they are selfish, uncaring people. And especially if they are dysfunctional.
I hear all the time from each sister, which both of them live 900 miles away in different directions, how I SHOULD do things, or why am I doing it like THAT, you know,, trying to make themselves feel like they are contributing with a phone call when in all actuality it feeds coals to the fire.
After Mom set her bedroom on fire in May, with either a match or one of her beloved cigarettes TOSSED INTO HER DRESSER DRAWER (which is why you all haven't heard from me in such a long time) I just gave up and pretty much threw in the towel. I swear to GOD this woman is not from this galaxy. it is a situation that only God Himself will have to actually come down here and change her. After letting the sisters know what occurred, I get a sad face sign :( in my yahoo messenger chat response from one sister, and the other one said, "just let it go", it's not worth it. Put her in a nursing home. After watching my Dad suffer in one, and I JUST won a lawsuit proving negligence and a doctor stating they contributed to his death, it is STILL hard for me to "stick" Mom in a nursing home KNOWING what is in store for her. I have prayed and prayed and begged and made deals with God to change this situation, but it just seems to get worse. The language that comes out of her mouth is actually something I never thought she knew how to use. She won't bathe, she constantly destroys the house, shredding toilet paper, throwing food, throwing away groceries that I JUST brought into the house, and before any of you say "oh that's the dementia", STOP in your tracks. This is not dementia, this is a narcissistic woman who I believe regrets having any children, who had numerous affairs on my Dad during the 55 year marriage, mostly when she was younger, but then again when she was in her 50's, so you wanna talk dysfunctional? I am a 51 year old MAN, who has stopped his life in it's tracks to tend to a woman who is selfish and hateful beyond words. Why? The only reason is because she is my Mother, and to be perfectly honest? I have too much time invested now to just allow the State of Illinois to come in and take my inheritance. Taxes to pay self proclaimed administrative staff at school districts is high enough, I refuse to allow the State to suck me completely dry.
So, all that being said, I have decided to go legally and ask for quit claims to be signed by each selfish sibling so when the day of reckoning coes, it will be a smooth sail. Sometimes you have to hand back the poop that is handed to you. I chose to stop cowering under the nicey nicey way...if I'm gonna be running the show, it's gonna be MY way or the highway. Just because they are related to you doesn't mean you have to like them OR that you have to associate with them.
Good luck to you. I can't offer any great advice - just wanted you to know you're not alone in this situation.

My siblings ignored Mom (except for chocolates from one which Mom couldn't eat for Mothers Day) for the entire 6 yr period she was in my care. But they showed up at her funeral crying and singing Moms praises and have been complaining ever since that I spent too much of 'their' inheritance.

I tried repeatedly to get my brothers to call visit or write Mom. They NEVER did. NEVER a single time in 6 years. And neither did their wives who have been in the family for decades.

I will never understand how some people sleep at night.
not everyone has the living space, time, inter-personal skills, or emotional strength to do this. my sister and i are the only siblings here in town, (my brother left decades ago to avoid this scenario), and we could not take mother into our apartments. we found a good board & care home for her that works on her very limited income.

i suggest trying to talk with your family about working out a situation that doesn't include mother living with them, you might find them more willing to work with you.

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