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Talking about being scared ... We are afraid of many things, but none more than of being destitute. We am not wealthy but we are not indigent either. We care for our 85 year old mother. Mom has a bank account, but again is not wealthy. Together between her funds and mine we are planning a financial future. Mom's health is currently fair but who knows what the future holds. What happens if something awful happens to mom and she needs to live in an assisted facility. Since mom has her own assets, we are terrified that instead of utilizing Medicare her assets will be seized. That will leave us (myself and my sister who live with our mother in a financial crisis. We don't know what to do and are getting sick (should I say, we, my sister and I are getting sick) over this. How do we survive if we have an assisted living facility draining funds? It is only togehter that we all will survive into the unknown future. My sister is out of work (years now) and we use mom's assets to pay for her health insurance. I work and we use my assets to pay the mortgage and all other expenses. Together we are just making it. Separate, we will lose everything. We have no other family and very few friends who are also in dire straits. Can't sleep at nite anymore. Worry all the time. The only option we could think of is that mom would not be able to go into assisted living and we would need to do everything at home. This for us would not be a problem, but we worry if we are not capable or knowlegeable to handle the problems that may be needed to be addressed. Or what if mom needs special therapy or the use of equipment. We hope and pray this does not happen, but what if. What if the worst is to come. I sometimes think mom will survive me because I fear I will drop from the anxiety of it all.

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Hi helpmeplease;I don't know why my autocorrect is acting up; but I wasn't trying to renamed you...it just changed (help me) to bellman!
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Hi Bellmen; I agree with JessieBell and jeannegibbs; see a lawyer that practices Elder Care and estate planning; the lawyer can show you how to protect assets in the event of a family member having to be admitted to a NH. Each situation is different; but this kind of lawyer can probably ease your mind about a lot of the financial stuff; I know the one my family consulted has helped us a lot. Good luck and prayers.
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I think it would be good to use a little of Mother's assets to consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law to learn of any steps that could be taken now to protect some of Mother's assets.

And then stop worrying. What will be will be, and you can deal with it IF/when it happens.

More than likely you will always be able to provide Mother the services she would have in Assisted Living. If she declines beyond that and needs more specialized care than you can provide at home you'll deal with it as it comes up.

See a lawyer. Once you have good advice about what, if anything, you can do to plan ahead, then do it, and stop worrying about what you can't change. Enjoy your present situation as long as it lasts -- and that may be the rest of Mother's life. Don't spoil your present by worrying about the future.
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I am so sorry to read about the problems. The worries you are facing are ones that many seniors face. Many are living on the edge and it won't take much to topple them over. In reality, one serious sickness would push a majority of people to the edge.

How old is your sister? I ask because I wonder how far away from Medicare eligibility she is. Insurance is expensive, so that will be a big savings there. Is there a reason she has been out of work for so long? The workplace is now open for more mature workers. It would probably ease a lot of stress if she were able to find a job.

Since your mother is healthy now, I would just concentrate on trying to keep her at home, then worry about the other things when it comes time. You will want to learn about the Medicaid application and spend-down process in the event your mother needs to go in a nursing home.

Since you have been living with your mother for years, you should be able to continue to stay in the home. However, you will be responsible to continue payments and upkeep on it. If it becomes too difficult, you could apply for subsidized housing in a senior complex. There are many options out there for seniors. Instead of worrying, it would be best to decide on a course of action. Your mother is of an age where you cannot depend on her income much longer. If your income is not enough to support you and your sister, then it seems to me that your sister is going to need to figure out how to bring some money to the table. Living on the edge can be exciting, but I know it is worrisome.
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