How do I put together a family forum to discuss the care of our elderly mother suffering from dementia??


After being a full time caregiver to my mother in law for 8 years she has moved into a care home with her daughter living nearby. After 6 months Daughter now wants to move but is reluctant to be involved with her care. We need to discuss this with two daughters & son as I am unable to take on the full time care again but am unsure how to do it. Any suggestions will be gratefully received.

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Sometimes having a professional such as a clergy person, a doctor, a geriatric care manager or a social worker to give the meeting some grounding, and take out family dynamics to some degree, is helpful. Third parties are very useful here.
A little more extreme, but possible, is a family mediator. Whatever route you go, a family meeting to discuss this issue is wise. If the daughter who wants to move is reluctant to be in on the planning, she may feel guilty for wanting to move. Try to keep attitudes in check and stress that the whole idea is about MOM, not anyone else. Again, I'd suggest a third party to help, since that makes it less "family" and more official, so people will be on their best behavior (hopefully).
Good luck,
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Definitely use a neutral party to facilitate the discussion --- I can only imagine a fracas happening with a family member attempting to chair a meeting. It's not fair to that family member to put them in that position either. I arranged a Geriatric Case Manager from the Visiting Nurse Association and it was a successful beginning for our family communication. I can't say enough how important it is to have a professional support system like the VNA.
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