msdiva Asked November 2009

Should I go to my family's Thanksgiving dinner after all the past drama at my father's funeral?

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My sister invited me to Thanksgiving dinner

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msdiva Jan 2010
TAKE UR THREE DAYS WATCH UR BASKETBALL AND YES TELL UR MOM ABOUT THE PASSING OF UR COUSIN AND AS FAR AS UR SISTER WELL I DNT KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU ON THAT NOTE AS YOU KNOW I HAVE 5 SISTERS AND NOT ONE HELP ME..UR MOM HAS GOTTEN USED TO YOU BEING THERE BUT YOU MUST EXPLAIN TO UR MOM THAT YOU NEED SOME ME TIME SET UP FOR THE AGENCY TO BE THERE FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS IF YOU CAN THEN SHE WOULD BE COVERED THAT PRETTY MUCH THE ONLY THING I CAN TELL YOU BUT PLEASE TAKE THE ME TIME OK PAM
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pamela6148 Jan 2010
I don't know if anyone will see this but it helps me to just type out my situation.

As you know, or perhaps you don't, my sister came home from the hospital on Tuesday. I'd been at my moms house since Saturday sharing caring with my moms care giver who comes at 7 am, and leaves at 3pm. I would stay the night with my mom and leave in the morning when she arrives because my sister was in the hospital. Although my brother n law, niece, and nephew were there, I stay the night. So Tuesday night I go home. Whew finally I'm at home.

Wednesday Crystal arrives and stays until 7:00 pm because my sister has been in the hospital and I wanted to give her some xtra time to recoop.

Now my mom and I went over Crystal's time to be with my mom. We decided she'd work Mon, Tues, Fri, and Sat., 7am to 3pm.

So at 11:30 pm my mom calls me and ask me why I gave Crystal Thursday off. I told her that we'd gone over the days. But even more, my sister is there and will be off until next Tuesday. Why does Crystal need to be there anyway. I've been there and now why can't my sister take care of my mother---------anytime.

Well I called the agency and asked if Crystal could come, and they called me back and said she'll be there @ 10:00 am till 6:00 pm which are her hours on Fri and Saturday.

Now I have to tell you that after talking to my mom @ 11:30 pm, and her telling me that NOONE was there with her. I told her that if no one was there I was going to call the police because that was Elder Abuse. My mom said well she didn't think anyone was there. Right then I realized my mom wanted ME to come over. Now I had just left and only been home for ONE day.

I am ashamed to say that I took my phone off the hook on Thursday morning, and called the Agency on my cell phone, telling them to call me back on it. Crystal also called and asked where my sister was. Now get this I'd called my sister twice on Wednesday to tell her that Crystal was off and to ask her if she needed me to come over on Thursday and she not only didn't pick up the phone, but she never even returned my calls. I'd also gotten a call that my moms cousin had passed and I wanted to discuss with my sister whether we should tell my mom in her current state. ANY SUGGESTIONS ON THAT?

My son's are going out of town with their girlfriends today. That means I will have my house to myself for 3 days. Am I selfish to want to spend atleast ONE day here by myself? Especially on TNT Thursday when the Celtics are playing the Bulls, and the Cavs are playing Utah. Am I selfish for loving Basketball and wanting to have ONE DAY & ONE NIGHT (well I also love ESPN Friday Basketball nights) alone to watch the games in peace. It's my only outlet, my only escape, an enjoyment I can enjoy in my solitude. If I'm at my moms house trying to watch a game I get yelled at for yelling, and am so busy doing this and that for my mom I can barely watch anything. Am I selfish to want ONE DAY?

I've come to the decision that my sister just doesn't want to take care of my mother what so ever and that's so unfair. But what's even worse is that my mom doesn't understand that. The more I do the more she expects me to do and expects nothing from my sister.

I told my mom that when Medical kicks in I will have someone there for her 24 hours but until then I'm paying privately about $1500.00 a month for home care because I just can't do it all the time, and I'm not ashamed to say it's too much for me. I want to go back to work soon. I'm 53 and have worked since I was 14 and staying at home is really NOT MY THING!!!!

So am I being Selfish? Am I asking too much for my sister's help because I am not going to keep going over there and spending the night when my sister is there at night.
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pamela6148 Jan 2010
MsDiva I'm proud of you. I cannot say that I blame you as I didn't want to say what I would or wouldn't have done but I believe I would have done the same thing that you did. Read through some of my turmoils and see what I'm going through.

It's a funny thing how God works, and I too believe God don't love ugly and very little pretty. God has a way of bringing us to our knees girlfriend for sure.

I got so enthralled in your story and I'm so glad that you responded. Please let's stay in touch.
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msdiva Jan 2010
Your exactly right (always) they don't even have the heart to take care of someone they done prove that not only once but twice, my mother had to be taken care of, and yes i took care of her too...so they will never know what i"ve been through in a millions yrs........thank you
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Ms Diva,
Your siblings won't ever know what you went through because they didn't participate. If they ever have to take care of a spouse, child or in-law, then they'll somewhat understand although it can't be exact because it won't be their dad. I can tell you are hurt to the core and I'm sure you don't trust them. (I only have one sister and she's hurt me like that too.) You are totally right to stay home at Thksgvng, it wasn't the right time. And why did you have to go somewhere to straighten things out, they should've come to you. Haven't you been through enough? I admire your attitude. It's your life, follow your heart.
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195Austin Jan 2010
Take care of yourself and they will have to account for their actions some day.
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msdiva Jan 2010
THANK YOU GUYS BUT I DNT WANT NO SORRYS I JUST WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE BY THEM AND YOU'RE RIGHT THE HOLIDAYS ARE NOT THE TIME TO DISCUSS WHO WAS WRONG AND WHO WAS RIGHT IF THEY ONLY KNEW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH THESE LAST FIVE YRS OF MY LIFE BEING PUT ON HOLD BECAUSE OF TAKEING CARE OF MY FATHER..I WILL NEVER REGRET TAKING CARE OF HIM BUT IT WILL BE ALONG TIME BEFORE I FORGIVE THEM AND THAT I MUST DO BUT NOT RIGHT NOW..I CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT NOW I USED TO COULDN'T CAUSE I WOULD CRY HALF THE NIGHT BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY DID BUT NOW,,,,IM FINE I GO THE CEMENTARY ALOT AND TELL MY PARENTS I'M SORRY, NOT FOR WHAT I DID CAUSE I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING IS WHAT THE FAMILY HAS DID TO THEIR NAME
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195Austin Jan 2010
I agree that Thanksgiving day is not the time to talk about family problems but in time you might want to have some closure with your family and just because you did not go the others could have gone if they wanted I very much hope for peace for you and please stay on this site we all need each other caregiving is so hard on every level and we all need to plan our later years so we do not do to our kids what they did to us.
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Eddie Jan 2010
Ms. Diva:

Believe me, I know how toxic relatives can be. I have 13 sisters. They lie, drink, cheat, drink and drug, backstab, drink some more, and gossip. When someone threatens to kick their behind all of them run for cover or call me. I unplug the phone after the first conversation where they depict themselves as the victims. Another lie.

When my father passed in my arms after a long bout with prostate cancer, they showed up at the funeral asking for their share of his estate in Brazil. Before that, they only showed up when they needed money; which was often. In the will Dad left them nothing, but they accused me of manipulating the old man into redrafting it despite the fact the document was over 15 years old and written well before he got sick. Everything else he owned went to me and my two sons, and they're still insisting I sell it and give them their share. "Blood speaks," said the eldest. Sometimes I wish for a transfusion and have thought about partitioning as a good will gesture. But my father begged me not to give up the land my grandparents are still farming and where our "clan" has lived for 124 years. That land, and everything on it, belongs to no one. My duty is to preserve it and pass it on as it was passed to me. The money my Dad left, however, I shared. But clearly that's not enough for people so selfish, greedy, and parasitic who'll go as far as trying to use my own children against me.

If every time I see them all they're going to do is use me, insult me, and hurt me then there's no place for them in my life, my heart, and my home. I've done the best I could, and giving all of them up is a sacrifice I'm now willing to make.

Take care of yourself Ms. Diva. You have difficult decisions to make, so don't rush it. Once made, the only thing left is being able to live with them.

-- ED
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msdiva Jan 2010
all of you guys gave me good advice and i appreciate it very much but.......living with my father and doing what i had to was very hurtful i was lied to the whole time,they said they would all help with this,,if you knew what alz patience go through then you should know that is a lot of work..but all in all i enjoyed it. but the anger towards my famity is unbarable and i can't deal with...you want to know if i went to the dinner pam6148?? no i didn'y i stayed home i had a thxgiving dinner at my home with my two boys my boyfriend and my gr son and that was good enough for me ..but my children went my oldest boy understood,but the lil one just don't get it he wants to know why my sisters and brothers are treating me this way..i tried to explain it as best as i can he says it all silly to fight over money and i agree but if you knew my family u would know the anxious of money they have..i just couldn't bring my self to do it...but chrsitmas came along and lord and behold i got a ph call from my sister, and she told me she wanted me to come out there to her home she wanted to talk to me..i still couldn't do it...they found out some things and now they was to say they were wrong on some things well,,i tried to tell them the day of dads funeral but,they wouldn't listen they found out the truth and i told her to deal with i do not want no part of it anymore whatever they found out i already knew...then later that night (see god don't like ugly) the brother that stayed with me at dads and help me with him turned his back on me and i told him carma is a B--ch.....he had a heart attack later chrsitmas night and ended up in the critcal care at the hospital...they called me at 3 a.m. in the morning, his ex wife called me i wasn't shock but i knew something was gonna go down sooner or later and i told them this just like i told them after i move out of dads dec of 2008, dad wasn't gonna last after i leave and he didn't he died two mons two wks and 1 day after i left i have feeling of this all the time when i feel something is gonna happen it does now my brother had a heart attack,,you do not play with god he will make you listen my brother turn his back on me left me standing alone, blame me for all of this and now everyone is suffering including my children so now you guys know..i do not want anything to do with my siblings any more .in due time i will but not now
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