When should family consider a higher level of care?

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My mother has dementia and is becoming more and more "confused". She is forgetting to change her clothes, bath and now eat. We do have a caretaker visiting twice a week but she has not been able to get my Mother to change her clothes or bathe. Should we be considering a higher level of care?

When is it considered abusive to leave her alone?

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Debby in Idaho, I'm praying for you. It's hard enough when they are kind and grateful. It's incredible he was allowed to practice medicine at his age! I'm so sorry this burden is on you.
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bolandd, that was one of the signs that I notice of my mnl before we got her to move in with us. Because you are not their 24/7 their may be dangerous stuff that she is doing and not to scare you but I believe she needs someone with her now. She can accidently leave the stove on, fall or etc. Look around for help like the social services or Adult Aging Agency care to help you find resources. We are only able to my mnl to take a bath once a week and that works pretty good for us. I have also notice that she eats a lot better since we have her with us for she needs to be reminding to eat for she forgets. Just another reason to have someone with her. Hope this help.
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JaneB: I understand how you are feeling. Often what we want to do and what we can do are different things. I hope a smooth transition can happen after your mom's surgery. You are doing the best you can for her and your family. Blessings to you.
Cattails.
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Sounds like she is ready for a higher level of care, 24 hour caregiver, assisted living or nursing home. It sounds like her dementia is advanced and that she at risk of harming herself if she continues to live alone.
Sarah
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191696flo, have you looked into Medicaid for Mother? Have you discussed her situation with a professional trained in dealing with exactly these situations, such as a social worker from her county's Social Services department.

If mother now needs full time care, she is beyond the services of Assisted Living Facilities (ALF), but may need either in-home care services or some other type of care center. It is wonderful that family has been pitching in to help Mother stay home. Family is not obligated to pay her expenses, and as what she needs increases beyond your ability to provide it you need to look into other ways of getting her needs met. Please do the research into what she is eligible for, and help her get it.
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Helper22, you are not responsible for you mother's rent, utilities, food, or any other of her expenses. Of course if you have money to spare, super -- go ahead and pay whatever you'd like to. I hope that you are not neglecting saving for your own old age. Who is going to pay your rent when you are 85?

Yes, there is help available. I think a good place to start is the Social Services department of your mother's county. A trained professional will know not only what resources are available at the county level but also what other programs are available for you mother, how to look into them, and how to apply. The social worker might suggest applying for Medicaid. There are programs specifically intended to help people stay in their homes as long as possible -- that being cheaper than having them in a nursing home.

Please look into what your mother is eligible for, and help her get it.
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Six of our family are paying my 95 yr old mother's rent and now she is close to needing full time care. We can't pay rent and care both and assisted care homes are beyond our financial abilities. Who can we turn to for help?
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sorry, pc issue.. ago, they pulled it a month ago.. so im in it for the long haul..
by the grace of God. prayers work so if you dont mind, maybe pray for debby in idaho?
thx
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i love this site too, i too am at my wits end, crying out for gods help, and other things, calgon is no longer in the business of taking us away - lol.. i also pray that which ever one of my kids take care of me that i am not like what i am going through. i feel a sense of responsibility, i am told to enjoy the time you have.. i cant find that joy folks, i read and i learn, i bite my tougue, and pray he does not live to the ripe old age of a long time, lol, hes 83, from texas, now in the northwest, hates cold, actually hates pretty much everything, oh whoa is me, etc. hes retired usmc sgt maj 30 yrs, hes getting senile, has bad health, and NO appreciation.. i cant go anywhere with out mr. miserable with me..however, he i am, he doesnt want to ever go to a home, and i wish he was anywhere but here daily, he grew up in an orphanage, i knew they were going to pull his dr. license this year, should o
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Your mom, at age 85, does need daily care and needs to be watched while you are at work. That said, you will have to dig down further in your own jeans and come up with more private caregiver pay. My suggestion: Use your Mom's S.S. money for her care. The rent , food, and utilities are yours to pay. Get help with this issue. You can do it. It's legal.
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