I have tried for 9 months to put my love one in a nursing home and am worn out. Any advice, I need help?

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thanks..Sharon

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I can only speak of past experience. My grandma had severe osteoporosis and could not walk. My mom couldn't care for her in her own home due to my dad having Alz. Grandma knew it was for the best, she didn't complain and I think she actually enjoyed it most of the time. Mom was a retired nurse, got in good with the NH staff, actually had worked at a NH in another city, and kept a close eye on her mom. We visited very frequently. Grandma was as sharp as a tack and didn't mind speaking out. If anyone had given her a narcotic or tried to pass her off as demented, we would've smelled a rat.
Not everyone can care for their loved one at home. Period. If a NH is needed, CC, you shouldn't feel guilty. Just be very involved and visit often. I wish you lots of luck in this difficult decision.
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Trust your gut! I was frightened by some of what i've just read too but so far, my experience with having my Dad in a nursing home has been good. I pray day and night...for ALL of us in this difficult phase of life.
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CC2 ...
What an awful decision to make.
The above posts sound frightening, but the advice is sound.
You know, & are aquanited with, your parent better than anyone else.
Trust your gut.

Many NHs have wonderful care & qualified staff. Some don't.
Sorry, but it's up to you. Research online the available spaces & question the staff.
Please - don't let them bully you. When the fit is right, you'll know.
Good luck with your venture. My heart is aching for you ...
Sadly, it is up to you to make the choice.
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If you have come to the point that it is too much for you and only you can decide that choose a nursing home near where you live so you are able to go in often to see what is going on-a good nursing home will have the person seen quickly by a MD and a social worker and by PT and it is just not true all residents are druged take a list of the meds the person has been on and yourpersonal MD's name and go over the med sheet with the charge nurse when he or she is not busy giving out meds most nursing homes have med nurses that give out all the meds for the unit,
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I would recommend that you get some help. There are people that can come in and help you. If your loved one can walk and go to the bathroom with or without help and they are senile they will most likely put them on narcotics such as haldol ativan and other narcotics that elders should not even be put on.They become more disabled and senile. Then the home can blame the elder's condition on the the senility is getting worse. Narcotics also leads to heart problems and Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome and other problems and they are very bad for elders. The elder will most likely be confined to a wheel chair or bed and be put in diapers and may or may not changed properly. It is very scary, I am in southern california so maybe other states are better. The narcotics disable and kill elders. The medical staff can say that they died from old age alzheimer's dementia or any other medical problems that the elder may have. They can even start giving narcotics and then tell you that your loved one has developed alzheimer, dementia and in reality it could be the narcotics that are causing the senile type problems. I do not know what nursing home you can trust. Watch the narcotics even when going to the hospital. That is another very scary thing that can kill patients and the medical staff will get away with it. If your loved one ever does go to the hospital. I would stay with them all the time and never leave there side. If there is no cots see if you can buy one and see about bringing it into the hospital. Know all meds that your loved one is given. If in hospital check the IVs everything. You can never be too safe because nursing homes and hospitals can be a very scary place if you do not know everything that is going on. If you do choose a nursing home I would spend as much time as possible there maybe get relatives to be there and or people from the church that you trust etc to stay with your loved one when you are not there. I hope you have a big family.
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