How can I encourage my other siblings to help support the main caregiver of the family?

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It seems that other sibilings in the family feel that their lives are too busy or they have exceptional circumstances to be involved with any part of mums care, even though she has just moved in to a nursing home, so the load is now lighter. Some have the attitude of someone else can do it. My husband is worried that his sister will burn out without some support, as we have done - there is 7 in the family. We are very willing to take some of the load but cannot take it on again fulltime as it seems we are expected to do. We feel that it would be nice if others in the family would be willing also to make it easier for everyone & give their mum quality of life. Is this a common problem? Does it always fall to only one?

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Another thought.
To often we think the problem is with taking care of mom or dad. The problem could be with families period. Were mom and dad the only ones that really helped the children and grand children as adults? It seems children at any age believe that parents are their to help for life and it is an expectation. Yet the same family group is resistant to help each other. No one complains and has the attitude that they don't have to help each other for years. The parents mature and need help and the children are use to taking and not giving. One or two of the children step in and the pattern of leaving them with the burden is set.
To break the cycle perhaps as parents we need to teach our children to help each other. To verbally and physically insist that they help each other as children, as young adults and onward.
That doesn't mean we don't have life of our own. It is a balance.
My great grandfather had all the children over for Sunday lunch forever. Those that couldn't be there physically called in and talked to everyone. When someone had a ligit problem Grandfather would advise each of them to give so much to resolve the problem..that might be money, time or talent. As a result the entire family did well and when they got old the family took care of them.
This may not work as it did 2 generations ago but the family unit as it is seems to breed family members who don't feel enough compasion and required service to their families and communities to do the right thing. That may be because they didn't see it, experience it, and practice it thoughout their life.
I know this doesn't help you...but maybe all of us need to review our family units and see what we can do to stop the cycle. ????
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I'm with vickie02 on being careful what you ask your siblings to do to help. I had read all the advice about being specific in my requests and getting all siblings on the same page and tried to use that guidance these past 6 months. It backfired in a big way so now no one in the family is speaking to me, they've damaged my relationship with my mother and I am more isolated and stressed than ever. They refuse to meet with a family mediator to talk so basically I've lost my entire extended family out of this - no good deed goes unpunished. I don't know why some people step up and others don't. Many times it is proximity which is my situation. The others are out of state so even though there are things they could do to help, it is fairly easy for them to live in denial. And my experience is that the senior person helps to feed that denial because she wants everyone to believe she is just doing great - which is pretty easy to fake in 10 minute phone calls - and she wants to lash out at the one person that is here with her because I'm just a huge reminder that she really has lost independence. All you can do is sit down with his sister and outline the care she is comfortable providing and encourage her to do no more than what she is comfortable doing. It is not her job to compensate for what her siblings will not do. If this means his mom gets 5 visits a week instead of 15, so be it. The hard part is that, as situations present, you keep getting sucked into doing more. You really have to be mindful about what you're getting pulled into, you have to be firm, you have to be confident that what you've chosen to do won't leave you with regret but still isn't more than you can take on without burning yourself out. It is great that your husband supports his sister. Emotional support goes a long way.
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When you get time - please! We know what time limitations are All about!
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NANCY, DT:

It's a privilege having you guys in this forum. ... Wish I had more time to chat, but it's 4:10 am here in NYC. Gotta go to work.
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Yes, that is the way it goes. I have two siblings who are able to help, but choose not to. They both live about an hour away and complain that it is so far for them to drive. They prefer that I bring Mom to them for visits--of course, that means no break for me at all. I guess it is probably guilt that makes them uncomfortable when coming to visit Mom, but I had nearly come to the conclusion that they must be incapable of feeling--guilt or most anything else! I have been the primary caregiver for over 20 years, since Mom's stroke, and her only caregiver for the past 12+ years, and it is such a shame. Mom would like it so much if my siblings would have even one day a month--or every 3 months--that they were scheduled to come visit, take her to lunch, yard sales or wherever; but they won't even give her that much of a commitment, and it makes me cry that they can be so selfish and uncaring about their own mother. I have given up my job of 20 years, my retirement, my home and will be left with nothing when Mom passes, but if my brother finds out Mom paid for my car registration or gave me money, he pitches a fit. Amazing how guilt affects a person's rationale and judgment, eh?
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I am grateful for your responses. It helps me.

I don't get it though? Why did we not turn our backs? What is the difference between us and our siblings? I don't understand. I'm just a normal -- (of course on those bad days that is even up for debate) every day person. Some of you said...you can't make them help...I agree. I've asked...a few different ways...and I'm done. It is too hard on me being angry with them. It sometimes still creeps up but I quickly put it in it's place. They have come through a couple times during an emergency. I'm grateful for that.

God definitely knew the folks that would be best for the job...if you wonder who. Go look in the mirror. God Bless all of you.
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When I first moved back to my home town, I asked my brother and sister-in-law for help without success so stopped asking them. I thought maybe they were burnt out from taking care of my folks before I started to. When it became overwhelming for me, I actually would make excuses for them in my counseling sessions. My counselor gave me affirmation for my anger and need to ask for help. Part of what was killing me was not asking and not making my brother aware of how my parents were. I now call on a regular basis to ask for help and occasionally they actually come through for me. At least now I feel better because I'm not stifling myself.
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I'm not sure, but my older brother, who still lives with my parents, is denying the fact that my parents are getting too old to take care of themselves. He gets pretty angry about it. He is the executor of my father's. I simply want to discuss options with him and he won't give me the time of day about it. Anyone else dealing with this?
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Sorry to tell you, but you will never get the others to help unless they want to. You need to focus solely on yourself and your own family and decide how much you can do. Then you have to gt over the guilt of not doing more. Period. I have two siblings who not only do not participate in caring for Mom and Dad, but outwardly said, "If I don't have access to their money, I can be of no use to you," The other said, "Not going to happen." So it has taken almost a year for me to realize that I can only manage my own emotions and relationship with my parents. And I can only do so much. So if my parents are lonely because no one visits them or forms are not filled out on time, I can't beat myself up. I can only do what I can do. And you should think about that too.
Best of luck. We all know it's hard. It just is.
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you cant make them help. I went through that with my 97 year old mom when My sister and I cared for her when the other 9 went about with their Busy lives. now I am going through it with my husband ...his two sons are to Busy to help. Dont lose your mind over it if someone dont want to help you cant make them!!
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