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My 92- year old step grandfather has become increasingly mean to my grandmother, who has literally spent the entire 25+ years of their marriage catering to his every need. He insists that she has been cheating on him and even has gone so far as to say that he saw her with the other man when she was on a trip with me and my mother. We have tried to speak to him about what he is doing, but all he will say is that "I know what I saw.". We want her to leave, but she thinks it is normal to be accused like this all the time. I am very worried for her, not the least reason of which is that he continues to drive! Any suggestions? I just want her to be safe and happy.

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Thats a hard act has he been diagnoised with dementia yet? is it to where he is abusive to her cause if this is the case you can try and talk to her to have him commited as well , i know that sounds awful but for her safety i would..read upon dementia.. family members are always accused they are the first ones...
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An article on this site that might help you understand some aspects of the situation is "Things People With Dementia Say: Common Phrases and How to Reply"
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Actually, that behavior is normal for dementia. If all wives and sons and daughters who were acused of doing ridiculously untrue things abandoned their loved one with dementia, society would be knee-deep in abandoned dementia patients. This is part of the disease. The way you can help is to learn more about the disease and ways of coping and help Grandmother deal with the accusations. Also Grandfather's doctor needs to be aware of his behaviors.

I don't know how your grandmother feels about it, or how you do, but I still take my marriage vows seriously. We are now in the "poorer, worse, and in sickness" part of the deal. My husband has had dementia for 9 years, and I will continue to stay with him until death parts us. I know a time may come when I won't be able to do all the hands-on caregiving myself, and may need to use a care center. But I will never "leave" him, as I know with all my heart if our situations were reversed he would stick by me, for better or for worse. Also, if a person with dementia becomes violent, it is necessary to see that all his loved ones are protected, and that often means placement, but never means abandonment, in my book.

As for driving, YIKES! He absolutely should not be driving. Can Grandmother still drive? If not, there should not be a car at their residence. Is this something you can discuss with Grandmother, and come up with a plan to stop him from getting behind the wheel? Are you in a position to offer some transportation to your grandparents?

It is wonderful that you care about your grandmother's safety and happiness. The first thing you can do to help is to learn about the situation she is in -- spouse of a person who has dementia.
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