Is it normal for an elderly person to go from happy to mean?
My Mom was a happy, kind, supportive person all her life. Now is the total opposite. She criticizes everything I do, throws to my face everything she has ever done for me, nothing pleases her; God help me if she is not the center of my universe, anything that is not as she wants and she loses it. She keeps reminding me of all the bad decisions I have ever made, gets upset if I do not pick up her phone calls, its insane.
My Mother also complains about everything and everyone. She has become intolerant, mean, critical and extremely possessive. I am not sure how to handle certain situations like it is always "our fault", she is always the victim, she does things we have not asked her to do for us and then she shames us into "how she is sacrificing herself" for us. Now, she has gotten as far as telling me what to wear or if we are out and about she wants to pick the clothes for me.
At my child's graduation party, she went so far as to have us remove the food we had placed on the table because she had not said "its ready, now you can eat", stayed up until every single guest had left because she did not trust them, was incredibly angry at my son for the "inappropriate" friends he had and their unruly behavior, told them to shut up and my son felt so terrible that rather than being out enjoying his graduation party he was cleaning the dishes, counters, sweeping the floor, etc. just to make his grandmother happy. When my son told her he felt bad because his grandmother appeared upset and angry, she told him, she was not upset at him but at his friends for being so inconsiderate as the party should have ended earlier. When the party finally ended, she stormed into the living room and told me "don't worry about me coming back because I have no intention of ever doing so" - The following morning, she even refused to say good morning to my son.
I am at my wits end. I have suggested to her that it might be a good idea to see a psychologist but she tells me that the one that is crazy is me, not her, that my inability to solve problems is due to my weak character, that she does not trust me, that I am unreliable and when she looks at me there is hatred in her eyes and I am not exaggerating. When I try to open up conversation she refuses to talk ("I don't want to talk about it") when I tell her that things have changed she tells me that "decency has not changed" implying we are indecent people and addresses me as if I am the aggressor or the perpetrator. Sometimes I snap the pressure is too much and then is a whole different kettle of fish.... She gets sullen, like a child having a temper tantrum, resentful, that she is not loved, then goes on doing things huffing and puffing and sighing... when I ask her to please stop, that I will do it myself another litany comes my way....
I am currently a full time student and have to spend a significant amount of time studying and she accuses me of being too much on the computer BS'ing rather than do something with her. I just do not know how much more of this I can take.
My grandmother was very possessive of her, very controlling and extremely demanding. I finally convinced my Mom to put her in a retirement home as I feared my Mom would die from stress and exhaustion. Now my Mom, has become like my grandmother plus some. My brothers are great but they maintain their distance so the weight falls on me and I just do not know what else to do to protect my sanity. How could my beautiful, loving, kind and supportive Mom become almost overnight such a mean, resentful, nasty person?
Is this behavior normal?
Thank you for your help,