carolsmom Asked November 2009

Why do elderly parents turn on the child that is trying so hard to take care of them?

Follow
Share
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
129

Answers

Show:
1 3 4 5
m/w?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

GIGGLEBOX Dec 2009
Happy Holidays! Tis the season of crazy busy-ness added to the top of our already busy lives. I have missed you guys but things have been rather busy lately. My dad is all worried about where my brother will spend the holidays (I sold the house this summer, remember) and I retorted "with his girlfriend" - dad now has a rash and they are wanting me to do his laundry. I have spoken with dr twice and she says NO. It is just his nerves and his worries. It makes me mad b/c m/w my brother doesnt care!

Lovingdaughter - my dad's house was on market less than a month and it sold. A 40 year old house! God has a will of working things out! It is so AWESOME to see a lit tree in the window when we drive by - haven't seen that in years!

Hugs to all!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sister, Thanks so much. Went to load mom into the car. One of her caregivers was taking her to a Christmas Play. The car was dead!!!!!!! Her lift seat was dead. Had to get a neighbor to jump start it. Thanks God for wonderful neighbors. Need to go the the Count My Blessings thread today!!!!!!!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Sorry to hear you're in pain, lovingdaughter. Praying you will heal and be able to enjoy all the blessings of Christmas. As for your mother, is there someone else who can take her out, and help you out? That would give you a little respite, and perhaps some time to relax. Also hoping the sale of your home goes well. A great ELP we found said it's a "buyer's market, and price is everything..." That's not always good for the seller. At least you have one, and can be thankful, because so many are losing theirs. Best wishes! :) Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Mom wants to go shopping. I get it, but what she doesn't get is that I have been going to the chiropractor for 3 weeks since my neck and shoulders are so bad. Yet, she keeps asking to go out. Can't lift the wheelchair, so in a week, my husband and I are going to take her out. She cares for nothing but herself. Question. Do we all get life that? If so, shoot me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God my brother and his wife are doing Christmas. I just don't have it in me this year. Sunday, someone is coming to look at the house! Cross your fingers. Selling a home these days is just a disaster!!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Annlidiot Dec 2009
You said it Annie. Sometimes I feel like there is not enough gratitude or respect for elders in our society. I wonder if part of the problems is that our socieity has created a system where it is not considered a normal part of family life to care for our elders.

I wonder what will happen when I am old, will I be someone who is "put up with"? I shudder to think that no matter what, being old is not respected.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

aew2004 Dec 2009
Dear Carol,

Change is always never easy, for anyone and change that comes with illness, is the hardest to cope with.
Life is like a wheel, when we were young, our parents were the ones to worry and to some extent restrict our activities, remember how we may have rebelled...
Well, the shoe is on the other foot now and we stand in their place and sometimes, it gets real frustrating, when you have only their best interest at heart (just as they had our best interest at heart, when they held the wheel).

My advice is this, even though things may get so very difficult, if we only can step back, for just a moment and look at them, as children, we will find the inner strength to handle any situation.

If your child were to give you a hard time, will you give up on them? I would not, because I love and care for them. It is the same with our parents, when they grow old.

When illness takes hold of them, they sometimes cannot be blamed for their actions and we have to look deep inside our own selves, to find the courage and the love, to cope, knowing very well, that we maybe yelled at, or blamed for... but we carry on, knowing that while we do the right thing by our parents, we will be fine and if we look to the Lord to give us the strength we need, He surely will bless us with the courage to face all things.

I have read so many of the situations, that appear on this site, from caregivers who just find themselves nearing the end of their tether and my hearts goes out to them, however, I still find myself asking the same question, what if the tables were turned and we were the ones with the problem and our parents were the ones having to cope with it.... would they be handling the situation, the same way, or will they cope, however they can, because you are their child..... I can only leave each one of you to answer it...
God bless.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

lmw124 Dec 2009
Thanks for your support and understanding. I took mom out today to get her hair done and get small gifts for some of our family. She was used to giving large amounts of money and expensive gifts, this year is going to be a lot different with things from the dollar store, but she did not argue with me. At least it did lift her spirits and gave her a change of scenery from the nursing home.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Welcome teklathomann! And yes, Gigglebox, I did read this post. It's a great reminder.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Bob DeMarco, of the Alzheimer's Reading Room, shared a maneuver that works with his mom when she is argumentative or troubled. He brings his forehead to hers and says to her 'I understand, and I here with you to help you." ... or words to that effect.

Just saw Wall-E on TV again. The pretty white Robot Eve had finally realized what love Wall-E had for her, and when they got back to earth, she carried him to his junk box and swapped out broken pieces, as he was mangled and unconscious.

Wall-E came alive, but only in robot cleanerupper mode. What to do? She finally touched their foreheads together, with a little zap added, and his soul came alive as well.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 3 4 5
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Related
Articles

Related
Questions