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Wha I did was have the bill paid directly from Mom' account and then went paperless with the companies. You can supply you email address and they will send all statements to you. I found that as soon as my Mom stopped seeing the bills she forgot all about them. Found that the less she has to worry about the calmer she stays. Good luck
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1) ask the doc for anti-anxiety meds. Is this new behavior, or newly severe?
2) do deep listening -- instead of telling her to stop worrying, say "You seem worried" as if it were totally completely reasonable to be worried and pursue an understanding of what her worry is , with acceptance and curiosity. If she hears herself explain what it's about, that is not guaranteed to have an effect but it is more likely to calm her down than anything else (except meds)
3) model calm -- don't get sick with worry over your mom getting sick with worry!
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I agree with dmvgirl. That's exactly what I did. And if anything does come in the mail that makes her obsess over it, I immediately take it and put it in my purse and tell her I've got it handled...its usually junk mail now anyway. But that brings another question to mind here...my mom doesn't just obsess over mail - it can be just about anything. Napkins, jewelry, tv remotes, folding a blanket a hundred times...Is obsessing common in dementia??
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yes I believe that obsessive behavior is linked to dementia. My mother who lives with me now, obsesses over the littlest things. Did I take my medicine, what time is it, why doesn't any of my children come to see me(can understand that one, has 10 kids and I'm the only one she ever sees) I think its just her way to try and maintain some sense of control in her life. The dementia has really done a number on her self confidence and she doesn't trust herself anymore. Just try to take a day at a time, hard but sounds like it will get harder.
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I think that has been the hardest part of this journey for me. Coming to understand that my brothers and sisters really just don't care. And you are exactly right and never thought of it, Mom can no longer help them! She was always the one that was there for all of us (10 kids) when ever we tripped and fell and believe me most of us were tripping fools. But after trying and trying to get some help and nothing I realized (with the help of my son) that I was becoming very bitter, something I never thougt I was so I let go. At least we will all know when the time comes for our loved ones to leave this world we can know we did everything we could to help their journey. Keep on trucking folks we are all buiding good Karma for this world.
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Yeah, I also feel bad that no one calls or visits my mom : (
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I also get the mail before she (mom) does, and have bills paid automatically from checking account. Or maybe get a stamp with a red stamp pad that says "PAID IN FULL" to put on all of those bills. For dmvgirl, maybe you could send her a card or two every week signed from "the family", or from specific siblings. This may please her if she could display her collection of cards from family????
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Before I had a computer at home, I had my mom's mail sent to a PO box. Then I was able to get it, pay any bills, and trash any sweepstakes mail (she particpated in them). When she went for rehab after a another stroke, I also changed the phone number and had it unlisted, so sweepstakes companies would not call her. By the time she came home, she had forgotten that she used to send money for sweepstakes, and no longer had a pile of mail on the kitchen table that she threatened the police on me if I dared tried to throw any of it away (there might be checks inside). If I would have had used a computer at the time, I would have signed up for paperless billing and payed bills online. However, at that time, this was not available.
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Oh my goodness! Your mom and my dad with their sweepstakes...one wouldn't beleive the boxes and suitcases of sweepstakes mails my father had expecting to be the next winner. It's very sad but more so a lot of work hauling bails, boxes of paper to a recycling center now that dad is in long term care and could care less about his fanticism with sweepstakes. Just yesterday I had mom and dads phone number changed and unlisted, and will be opening a p.o. box by the end of the month once I turn int the keys to their apartment.
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Amen to you Dmvgirl!
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