How do I deal with my mother that cry's all the time?

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my mother who is 88 yrs old cries all the time and gets mad at me a lot. she is really hard to deal with. i try to help her everyway i can but she seems like she's always mad at me. for instance she called me today crying that her cat was sick. all i told her i didn't know what was wrong i was not a vet she got mad and hung up on me. help as i am a only child and this situation is getting really unbearable.

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There's a lady who just passed her 100th birthday at a nursing home near me. She cries every night as soon as she finishes dinner. It's like she has a toggle switch that someone turns on right after they carry her plate away. She starts crying and trying to push her wheelchair away from the table. You can set your watch by it. Dinner's over. And there she goes. I don't know whether it's depression or a "crying disorder" - yes I've heard of such a thing.
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It's not your fault that your mom got angry and hung up on you. You gave her an honest answer: you're not a vet and you don't know what's wrong with the cat. It's very, very, VERY hard to say the exact right thing all the time to someone who's old and emotionally fragile. It's like walking on eggshells, and even if you try to be sympathetic, sometimes it gets taken the wrong way.

Trust me. I told my MIL on the phone (thank God, she lives far away) that I hoped she got her taxes done because they were overdue, and she'd gotten a nasty letter from the IRS the year before that completely freaked her out. MIL interpreted that as me saying I was going to have her arrested for not doing her taxes, and proceeded to scream at me. Then she hung up on me, and called my husband, who was playing golf and knew nothing of what was going on, and proceeded to scream at him. Fun times. Fun, fun times!

An elderly parent crying all the time is hard for an adult child to bear, but it beats being screamed at and called names. I'm considering having a t-shirt printed that says "Evil B*tch," as that's what my MIL has decided my new name is.

As for the cat, can you call your mother up and ask how Fluffy's doing? Is she better? Cats get sick a lot. They throw up all the time, and bounce right back. But if she's still ailing, maybe you can offer to take her to the vet.
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SSRIs are usually first choice for anxiety AND depression, rather than benzodiazepines like Ativan and Valium (lorazepam and diazepam) - and yes, depression an danxiety go hand in hand, and yes, they can be lifelong if untreated...but treatment can help.
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Yes, I wish they would delete some at a point. There are enough new posters asking the old questions, and I think we have fresher answers now, especially with medical info. A lot of the op's are long gone.
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Someone added a comment to the thread but no cat story!
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OMG!! Thanks, ba8alou. I wonder how these get resurrected.
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Maggie, that was a very old post. Don't know you noticed the date! 2010!
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Mom: "I don't know what to do. Kitty's sick. She's been off her food for two days now. What do you think is wrong?

You: "I don't know, mom. I'm not a vet.

Really? You can't figure out why she would be hurt?

You know you wouldn't have said that to a friend. A much more appropriate response, one you WOULD say to a friend, would have been, "Aww, poor Scruffy. Is he throwing up? Does he still romp around the house? Give it a few more days. Kitties sometimes go off their feed . . . maybe she'll start eating again." And to your mom, same thing followed by, "If he's not better in a few days, how about we take him to the vet?"

Honestly ask yourself why you didn't give her the gift of showing you care. I think you reacted that way because you've "had it up to here." You feel over-burdened and helpless to fix it. Especially the part about her crying all the time. It's not easy seeing our moms so sad. It's gut-wrenching.

How about going with her to her next doctor's appointment and sharing her emotional responses with him? He may suggest a mild anti-depressant. I really think, if she begins to feel better about herself, so will you.

*Hugs*

Patience. The mantra of a care giver. ;)
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The "illness" is called depression and you mom has probably had it her whole life untreated. Crying is a symptom. Take her to a geriatric psychiatrist and let them evaluate her emotional state. It's very hard for someone who has never been depressed to understand this disease, so don't beat yourself up. But get her help now.
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I disagree with all, my mother 91 has cried at the drop of the hat all her life, my father told me before he died he could not take care of her. It has been relentless and the anger towards me as an only child also. I am so tired of the self pitty and selfishness she has put on my husband and I. Pills wont help this has been ongoing since childhood. I just take care of her needs and but i feel she would not be sick or depressed if she would just stop the unnecessary crying, she never has a reason. I have to just live with illness. Another thing she never states or knows what she wants even when you offer suggestions.
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