How do I deal with my father-in-law who is making sexually inappropriate passes because of his Parkinson's Disease?

He's one horny old man isn't he? Maybe you ought to be looking for a college (male) student that needs some cash to start helping with your father-in-law. Is there a senior center around that he can go to? How about getting a dog that would sit on his lap and he can talk to and pet? Maybe he just needs someone or in this case, a pet to show him affection and love. And when he does grab inappropriately, I'd just push his hands away and identify myself to him without making a huge deal of it. If he were in his right mind he'd be mortified by his behavior right?

I'm not sure it is much of a consolation, but inappropriate sexual behavior is not uncommon among people with dementia.

I don't think many of us have a very clear idea of what dementia entails until we encounter it up close and personal. Who knew it could lower inhibitions, or increase them, or turn people paranoid, or make very articulate people unable to find the right words to communicate, or eliminate short term memory so completely a person can't remember the beginning of her own sentence by the time she gets to the end, or make it difficult to swallow? Our brains control every aspect of our being, so I guess it shouldn't surprise us that when something is wrong in the brain nearly anything can be effected. But it still is a shock when it happens to a loved one, isn't it?

Jimmyray, you ask, "Why should we think he can't control his urges to grope every woman that he thinks will not have him arrested?"

Because, assuming you are correct and he is developing dementia, he can't control his urges. It is amazing how compartmentalized our thinking processes can be. A woman who can play cribbage and keep score accurately (which she has done for 70+ years) may not be able to use the remote control (which she has only known how to do for 10 years). A man who can carry on a coherent conversation may have no inhibitions and say rude things he would not have uttered a few years ago.

Inappropriate sexual behavior is not universal with demntia -- but 15% experience this. It is not faked. It happens. I don't know the percentage of people who repeat and repeat and repeat, but it, too, is not faked. He is not out to destroy your peace. The dementia is achieving that quite well.

You seem to think that he is manipulating you. That if he can play cards, he can't be too bad yet and he should just behave himself. Sorry, dementia doesn't work that way.

The most effective way to deal with questions repeated over and over is to answer them simply, over and over. Showing annoyance or impatience or anger is not going to correct the situation. You may be able to "shut him down" temporarily on this particular question, but you cannot teach him to not repeat questions. He can't help it. Just answer the question and redirect his attention to something else.

I think you will be happier or at least less stressed if you learn the characteristics of dementia in general, and of the specific type of dementia Dad has, if you know that. You can get information from his doctor and from many reputable sites, such as the Mayo Clinic, and the National Institute of Health.

It is a tough journey we embark on with our loved ones who have dementia. Good luck to you.

Dementia or no dementia, they compehend more than you think! Tell him a very firm "NO!" Keep tell him a very firm "NO!" Don't be afraid to tell him in a loud, authoritative voice. My husband said to my daughter a few weeks ago, "Come here so I can kiss you on the lips." She said, "NO dad! I am your daughter, not your wife! You can kiss me on the cheek but never on the lips!" He understood and he has never asked her again. You have to set perimeters, and not be afraid to set them firmly!

Sorry about the typos guys. I was so busy putting myself in Don Juan's shoes and trying to imagine what I'd look and feel like 30 years from now. ... Hot, no doubt.

This happens sometimes with my Dad. I calmly push his hands away, and say no. Men of his generation appreciate and understand no. It is the disease. I don't take it personally. I am just firm and loving. We can't. The trick is to turn him down, and affirm his attractiveness at the same time. I am turning him down because it is wrong, but he is still a chick magnet.

I realize the original post is old. but since I found it with a Google search, I figure others will too.

We have found ourselves dealing with a situation similar to the OP. Had a care giver walk out because my Dad was repeatedly grabbing her boobs. She asked him to quit several times, but he persisted.

After some time went by she went back and asked if she could work for him again. She explained how much she was hurt by the groping, Dad promised not to do it again. She thanked him, hugged him, and he grabbed her boobs again. Just seconds after he promised never to do it again.

That tells me there's no rationalizing with him. Gotta find another solution.

A lot of Google searches have brought up very little helpful information. One website suggested same-sex care givers. We have not found any men who are remotely interested in being care givers.

We've warned the other care givers about his behavior so they would be on the defensive. I've suggested they they refuse to hug him.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

We're fortunate that no young girls are involved - Only professional care givers.

I wondered about telling them to slap him if he groped them. Maybe some discomfort would make him stop. But he's old and frail enough that I'm afraid someone might accidentally hurt him in anger.

So if you've gotten far enough to be reading this and are dealing with something similar, I don't know what to say but hang in there. Do your best to keep everyone on the defensive.

And remember it is NOT your fault.

You should be sure to discuss this with your neurologist. There are a number of Parkinson's medications that are fairly well known to result in various compulsive behaviors in the people who take these drugs. Sexual addictions is one of the behaviors, compulsive gambling, compulsive shopping are some of the more common drugs. There are probably substitute medications that could be used without creating these problems. Some of these thing can be devastating to the patient and their family, so definitely talk to a neurologist!!

I wish I knew more about dementia in Parkinsons and how it progresses and at what rate. I see my father in law seem to drop a notch every week in subtle ways.