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He spends hundreds of dollars at an oriental massage parlor and moved 3 women in his house. What can we do?

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Does no one realize the "Oriental Massage Parlors" which perform sex services are often staffed by victims of human trafficking and sex slavery? I don't care about sex lives, I do care about women who were brought to this country under false pretenses to sexually serve gross old men and who have no choice in the matter. Please read about this severe worldwide problem at redthreadmovement dot org and other anti- sex trafficking sites.
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Lacy, you might try and see if he can get insurance to pay for the massage visits as sort of a PT.
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Get written medical info access permission. Having sex at a massage parlor is illegal. Have him arrested and don't bail him out. While he's in jail, throw those women out of his house and locate and discard his sex drugs. Tell his doctors the situation. Have them recommend therapy and take him to it.
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This is the same problem the elderly have in nursing homes. I guess the women do it more discretely if they still want to but for the men they are more open about it or less inhibited. The standard advice is to discretely close the door and come back later and knock loudly and wait to be invited in. In this case is Dad watching something erotic on the computer. Give him one in his room and request he keeps these activities behind closed doors. not a reason to kick the poor old guy out unless he has done other things.
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Lambchp2, does Dad need a computer in his room? Also, was he full-out masturbating, or just casually touching himself absentmindedly?

It is kind of gross, for sure, and I'm not sure what I would do. I might just say, "Dad, cut that out. Do you want little Susie to get a look at you?" Or as my daughter says every time husband and I stage a giant smooch in the kitchen, "Get a room!"

It is gross, but exactly why does your husband want to kick him out? Is he afraid Dad will touch the kids? I wouldn't be. Most kids have seen another kid do the fondling, at least, and kids don't need to see it to figure out how to do it, and that it feels good.
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I can't put it better than Roger McGough...

Let Me Die A Youngman's Death

Let me die a youngman's death
not a clean and inbetween
the sheets holywater death
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out of breath death

When I'm 73
and in constant good tumour
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an allnight party

Or when I'm 91
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber's chair
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted tommyguns burst in
and give me a short back and insides

Or when I'm 104
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one

Let me die a youngman's death
not a free from sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
'what a nice way to go' death

Roger McGough
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My father has recently begun again to masturbate in front of his computer which is in our TV room. He has lost much of his sight and hearing (87 yrs) but is reasonably sharp. My husband caught him today as well as about a year ago. Dad gave my husband his word he would not do this again...TV room. He has his own bedroom, duh. Again, there is no dementia. Now my husband is demanding he leave. We do have children. He has some $$, enough for a few yrs assisted living but had made me promise no nursing home. Need some advice.
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I agree w/ all the comments that suggest you be concerned about your Dad's safety. I speak from experience. My ex-husband (not all that elderly yet, and supposedly in his right mind, but an alcoholic) began acquiring "lady friends" from Craig's list. These girls were 20 or more years younger than him, and came bearing gifts....huge quantities of Vodka, and their bodies. Once they had him sufficiently stupid w/ booze, they robbed him blind. One, in particular, somehow convinced him she LOVED him, and he almost MARRIED her!! She took his bank cards, had him buy her cars, (which she wrecked repeatedly), furniture, pay rent for a nice condo, etc etc. All of this he did for intimacy, and sex, and the promise of undying love. It was very very sad to see happen, and many friends and family members tried to bring him to his senses, to no avail. In the end, he was badly beaten, and robbed by his "lover's" boyfriend. They took him for everything he had. This is a sad, but true story. Maybe you could show this to your Dad. There are horrible vultures out there, who will do just about anything....and more....for a buck. And sadly, there are lonely needy victims who are prey for those vultures. Good luck in helping your Dad be a bit more careful in who he allows in his home and in his life!!
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There is nothing you can do. I just went through this-only Dad married one gold digger-ironically she is a young massuse (4th marriage for both) and never had other girls in the house. Dad can't speak to me anymore, because of her and I have had to accept this for my own sanities sake. I got all kind's of suggestions from this site. It came down to go on with my life because he does not want to see the light, she has broken no laws, he is not senile (although an alcoholic) and will NOT change. He wants to go out with a "Bang". When + if he is broke and devastated I don't know if I can still support him after all my warnings and all the yrs. I took care of him for free. It's not about $$, it is about principle.
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Paula,
what in the world are you talking about?
are you new to caregiving?
it sounds like you are very angry.

BTW, this is a bogus thread started by an 'idiot' that just wanted to get a rise out of concerned caregivers.
don't waste your precious energy on it.

lovbob
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My advise is to not listen to the people who posted, it's his money let him spend it. They have no clue. Protect your family, seek legal council!
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Ok, here goes my take on this situation. I think all the idiots that posted.. it's his mony, let him spend it, don't know what they are talking about. They are not living it and don't have a clue. It's financial elder abuse. I'm going through the same thing right now. I wish I had the answer but what I'm doing is researching and investigating. That's how I came by this web site. I'm going to make a call to The elder abuse hotline for starters. Maybe they could direct me where to procede from here. I wish you the best of luck. Don't take the advise of these idiots that might be gold diggers!
Paula L.
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The subject of sexuality is a difficult subject for a lot of people especially when it concerns our parents. For whatever reasons people often feel uncomfortable thinging about their parents being sexual beings. Getting older does not mean we give up our desires, pleasures etc. I agree that discussing your concerns is totally appropriate if you are concerned about your father's well-being. However, as children of aging parents, we also need to recognize that being "old" does not make one suddenly incompetent. Be happy that aparently your father is healthy enough for sexual activity, is actively seeking the company of others etc., as opposed to sitting in the perverbial rocking chair and watching life pass by.
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When my mom passed away my dad was in his late sixties,women called and came out from the woodwork from all over the place,made him feel like a twenty year old rock star,after the first minute or two of ego boost,he realized they were attracted to his money,not him.Encouraging preditors,being taken advantage of or taken advantage of others is not highly regarded in a civilized society.Is this normal behavior for this particular man or is he losing his mind.Never the less unless he has unlimited funding its reckless behavior and I wouldn't want my tax dollars keeping him up after the chandeleer hangings.
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Yeah I have to admit this post was a dosie. But as far as me, I still say hang from the chandeleers if you still can at any age. It's your thing, do what you wanna do!
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Nancy, I agree on the moral issue and I'm glad your posted it.
As for the authenticity of this post, I can't say yes or no. I just know this stuff goes on in my city, and much worse,involving all ages. The elderly are vulnerable and preyed upon, with dementia or not. It doesn't have to be massage parlors either. My attorney told me about an elderly man going to the grocery store who was approached in the parking lot. I guess the guy was lonely because the next thing his family knew, this lady had control and they were getting a lawyer. He said it's sad but it happens all the time.
Legit or not, at least we all got to answer the "test" question. I've enjoyed reading all the responses.
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Quite honestly (and I fully expect to take some heat for this), were this my father, I'd be having a lot of trouble with the moral ramifications of this sort of behavior.

I still doubt the authenticity of the post.
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Wow, good for him! As long as he uses condems, etc. its great that he is still enjoying life.
Its his life, let him live it!
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I don't want to have to clean up anything that comes from any adult.
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I think boinking at any age is appropriate. If the boinker and the boinkee are happy, so what?

As long as I don't have to clean it up.

lovbob
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Hmm. I don't think this was a genuine post. It's just a bit too over the top. But, anyway, re: my reponse to it - most of us baby boomers would prefer to go on believing that our parents are not anatomically correct.

If that indicates some kind of subterranean hang-up on my part, so be it.

Suddenly, just dealing with Mother's dementia is a piece of cake.
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Crowe, it's not so much hearing that my PARENTS are active sexually, it would be knowing that my DAD was doing, God knows what, with strange women. Don't want to know, too much information, that sort of thing.
And Bobbie, you may be right about this whole subject in the first place. But then again, I've read so many strange things on this website I don't know....
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Where's LacySox?

Seriously... it's been 6 days and nothing.

I think that this thread is bogus.

lovbob
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naheaton,

Just a quick comment. As an adult who is also a parent, I don't find it gross, bad or difficult thinking about my parents being intimate like I'm sure would have been the case when I was a teenager. However, I had less problems thinking about my dad's sisters and brothers being busy since I have more than 50 first cousins on that one side of my family. When you grow up with a lot of babies and little kids all around with aunts being pregnant so often, you learn a lot. The thing I have found as an adult is how often I can guess just how pregnant a woman is and be right or very close.

Also, I don't think I'll fell freaked out knowing my sons and their wives are doing the same think whenever they get married if they have already had some sexual experience already despite how much my wife and I have talked with them about sex. Kids today know far too much about sex and so extremely little about intimacy which is so sad.
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my father-in-law did this kind of . He put his wife in a home and moved her caregiver and her kids into his house. It made all the kids mad but nothing really you can do about it. Inless you think the women might harm him. Later after my mom-in-law died my father -in-law remarried and than died himself. Not one of his kids got anything left to them the new wife as everything. Sorry but if your dad is in his right mind than he can do what he wants. But do tell him how you feel. He needs to know .
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Oh LacySoks.....

You pullin our collective legs?

just askin,

lovbob
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CMI,
I didn't mean every elder had to have a stockpile of money waiting for their retirement because the majority of us Joe Blows can't. I TOTALLY agree our government is out of control and sicker than our elders. I was mainly talking about how Lacy's dad, at 78, was spending money hand over fist and not taking into consideration that he could run out of funds, which would in turn probably become Lacy's burden. And yes, the taxpayers too. My mom planned for her golden years and even though it would be tough, she could make it - except she's spending like a drunken sailor or better yet, like the US Government. When we brought it to her attention, she got sooooooo mad she disowned us, revoked our POAs, blah,blah,blah. She doesn't speak to me or my family. BUT I'm just waiting for her to run out of money, her paid caregiver, who took over my spot as her daughter, to leave her high, dry and broke,and then I'll be financially responsibile for her once again. Before anyone tells me to do something about it, I've already talked to a lawyer and my mom is of sound mind so I can't do anything about it. It's been a big mess and very, very hurtful for us. I was just trying to share my story so Lacy could see what could happen in the near future due to her dad being irresponsible.
The financial stuff aside, I fear for Lacy's dad's safety and health with those 3 women living with him. Who knows what they're up to!
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Irresponsible is irresponsible,it doesn't matter how old you are and yet I noticed if one of your moms is having some kicks,the advice is different.
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Lacy, I think every answer is correct that has responded so far. First of all, GROSS thinking about your dad having sex/masturbating whatever, with strange women. It's bad enough thinking about our PARENTS being intimate, then add this... Okay, now that I got that picture out of my head, you have a right to be concerned. Him being ripped off, his health (heart, STD's) & not having enough money for the future etc. You do need to sit him down like you would a teenage boy and talk about this with him. If it were me, I would have my husband or brother talk to him, but it needs to done. There are reasons people call it 'risky behavior' talk to him about the risks. Good luck.
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AMD made the comment, "Too many elders never planned for their golden years or they expected someone else to provide for them, like their kids for instance."

Well, if you really think about it, with people living longer and longer once they reach a largely non-functional, highly dependent state, and nursing home and in-home assistance costs climbing through the roof with no end in sight, then noone other than the rich truly PLANNED for their golden years.

We all have the Medicaid NH option, but have you looked at a chart of national debt by country? Staggering. The US government cannot afford to pay $60 - 70 thousand per year for a semi-private room for every indigent senior. If the gov had to follow pay-as-you-go guidelines, these seniors would have to be in a ward with about 30 others. Or worse.

What we are doing now is just wildly extravagant ostrich-head-in-the-sand borrowing against our future. With absolutely no hope of repayment.

Bottom line - unless this 78 year old man has got a major pile of cash reserved for his 90's and 100's, or a solid promise that his offspring will take full responsibility, then, should he reach that age, his Orient Express activities will end up being indirectly paid for by taxpayers.
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