sebring Asked May 2010

My 84-year-old dad is stubborn and acts like a rebellious teenager towards me. Why does he act like this?

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my 84 y dad thinks hes 10 ft tall & bulletproof.hes stubborn and acts like a rebelous teenager towards me when i try to keep him safe. HELP!! im 42 hes 84. i recently moved back in with him because my brother was abusing him.the house has fallen into major disrepair.ive been busting my butt to give him back the pride he lost. i did not want to move back here, i gave up section 8 i was going to rent a place a block away, but brother is violent, in jail most times. drug addicts took over,drained is bank accts, stole everything and dealt dope out of here. so i came back to clean the house. ok, but now he acts like a rebeling teen to me, he expects me to work miracles when he doesnt let me know whats going on.if he gets sent stuff he didnt order, he wants me to call the place. but he shreds the bill with the acct number on it!.he refuses to show me paperwork,bank statements,etc. but wants me to fix things. he gets really mad when he messes up his computer and im able to fix it.its like he sabatoges me at everyturn, i dont get it. if im a pain in the ass, then ill leave, i dont want to fight! why does he act like this?

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I sympathize with all of you that are dealing with the personality changes of aging parents. I too dealt with this until my mothers passing earlier this yr.
There are different stages of alzheimers/dementia and the acting out is definitely not a pleasant one. As the person progresses thru the disease it gets easier to deal with, at least it did in our case.
Its hard on family because all we ever knew was having a loving parent.
Try to remember that your parent is probably scared to death at not having control of their actions. Who knows what is going on in their mind due to this horrible disease. They cant control it and thats the most important thing to learn.
A few things I found that helped were:
Try to keep their environment calm and quiet.
* The less distractions there are the better.
* Shut the TV off...play soft quiet music instead.
* Get them to try kids size puzzles, colouring books, magazines or catalogues.
* Sundowner syndrome sets in at night and causes a lot of agitation. Before its dark, shut the curtains or blinds on the windows and put on lots of lighting instead.
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CCC2012 Aug 2011
You know what? a lot of issues in the Homecare specially in the facility, In courtyard Jose, the Nursing assistant was already traumatized becos of the patients are Phychotic and they keeep it due to its hard to get a patients the management has nothing to do,We're forced to work due to economic crises even they get hurt by patience ,sometimes hitting by patience and screaming with while you were in the middle of changing their diapers and throwing something. deep inside i was really hurt but becos i need the job to feed my family i am still working on it. I cried a lot jusyt to keep my Job. I am asking to the government that they can changed their laws...and why the rights is always to the residents/patients becos they were sicked and what about me i get sick too very fraustrating on my part i felt sometimes depressed.I am still young to die than those on Bed.
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brian4jane Aug 2011
my dad is acting like an infaint. he moans when he's hungry, etc....
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deefer12 Jul 2010
First thing we tell everyone when an elderly person's personality is altered from the usual, is get their urine checked for a possible UTI. This is a biggie in the elderly and can turn them into a horror show. If this is not the case, then the next step is getting her tested for dementia/alz.. Both of these can cause major changes in a person. So definitely get her to the doctor for a urinalysis, and maybe he can do a quick test for dementia while she is there. It's always good to rule theses things out. Good luck!
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tazbc Jul 2010
I was looking after my mum until January this year. I work full time and have 3 children at with age gap the youngest being 8. My older sister who does not work took over since January and my mum now lives with her. My mum and sister has a personality clash and they now say hurtful things to each other. I am in the middle and don't know how to make things better for them. My mother wants to come back to me but with my responsiblities its getting harder for me to look after her. I have been saying to my sister don't fight back its only going to cause more problems. My mum's memory is very sharp and don't know how to find out if she's got dementia? It seems like she is rebelling big time and not listening to anyone. I don't know what to do anymore! can anyone help. things are getting worse.
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ibarro May 2010
although he is old he doesn't realize it/ nor want to accept it. he thinks that he is still in control and he become aggressive/rebellious because he is frustrated. is not easy for an independant human being to realize that his daughter has to tell him what to do. he thinks that he is doing the right thing. patient./ask for help/ get a home attendant/ senior day care from 8-6 daily, so you can live/work
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smdbrown May 2010
By all means, do come back and often. I am so very, very glad I found this site. Where I live there is no 24 hour caregiver support line though one would think that since I am in a major city that prides itself on elder care that there would be someone you could talk to after hours and on weekends. There is the Alzheimer's Association 24 hour hotline, but I have noticed that when if I call during business hours I am rushed off of the phone or told that someone will call me back and they never do. On the occassion when I have called them after hours, I got a good response. Good luck to you, and God bless you as you care for your loved one. But if/when it gets too hard do not be afraid to put him in a facility.
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sebring May 2010
OMG, know what he did today? he was doing real good, ive learned to get creative to keep him out from under foot, so im moving stuff into the shed out back, he wants to pick oranges. we have a great tree, but this 45 year old wooden ladder he loves so much ( scares me, it wont hold my weight, but i cant get him to part with it for anything!) he puts that under the orange tree, goes inside and comes out with a plastic bag and bungie cordto han around his neck for the oranges!! im like oh, no,this wont end well.'dad, are you, umm, whatcha doin?) getting oranges.. ok, whats with the bag? he thinks hes clever inventing handy gadgets, i know to stand by.. close..i said 'haha, dad, so thats why your a decon at church, so God owes you one?' i try to joke as much as possible with him since hes the kind of guy that loves to tell jokes. thank God hes actually tired today, hes taking a nap right now...beautiful peace for me!!
what i noticed with the alzheimers/dementia its like a chandelleir, going out one bulb at a time. how fast the mind goes has everything to do with if the person is a fighter or not. my mom laid down and let it take her early and fast. my dads opposite, thats good, hes fighting it, but hes so terrified of becoming old and unneeded, that he overdoes it, the worst words anybody can say to this man is 'your 84, you should rest'...that will drive him striaght up a ladder to reshingle the roof! just to prove he can. im trying to tell him hes earned the right o let others break their backs, nobdy is saying he CANT do it, im saying why would you want to? let the youngbloods work for you for a change! but no, hes got to 'prove' hes strong.. so its a juggling/balencing act for me everyday, im a very patient person, im very good with rewording things so as not to offend.i just get so exausted when im doing the work of 2 men, and watching him at the same time..whew!!! just call me supergirl here..i always try to phrase it, dad, im half your age and im tired, take a break so i can...
aww, man glorious break over, ill be back in a few...thanks for all the responses, it helps to get stuff off my chest with people that understand, so ill be visiting here ofternn,,
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linda09 May 2010
my dad was like that few yrs ago . sometimes i sat there infront of him and breakdown crying . it was all mostly over the van keys . didnt want him to drive fear for my safety and for others .
bills he just throws em away . my brother had his mails stop and have it transfered over to my brothers house and he would pay his bills , hes POA .
sebring . you have ur hands full esicaly a brother of urs . maybe thats why ur father s actin like a big man cuz he s afraid he;ll get punched . u said your brother was abusing him . my guess is your dad s actin big so he wouldnt get hurt ?
yes take him to dr and you may need to start paying his bills . get the mail first and give him the junk mail u keep the bills .
you may need to be his poa also .
id start with the dr first then go fromn there , plz keep coming back sebring and welcome to the site !!!
bless your heart ..
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smdbrown May 2010
I, too, have a hard time with my mother at times. She likes to wait until she is around people and then say something like "Please don't hurt me" implying that I am abusing her. This is particularly frustrating to me because she was always abusive toward me and when she could no longer abuse me physically the verbal and emotional abuse that was always there escalated. So, I sympathize with you all. What you are dealing with is dementia. They think they are still in control when they really are not. Somewhere in their minds they realize that they are losing control in many ways, and understandably are unable, or do not want to give that up. This makes it worse because the dementia makes them forget that they can no longer do it all themselves ~or that their way no longer works for them. What I have had to do is to just take the control. Period. This is easier said than done for many reasons, most of them internal within ourselves. This is our parent we are dealing with after all and it is a difficult thing to take control as if you are a parent dealing with a rebellious child. There are so many mixed emotions that go with this. I urge you also to get him to a geriatrician as soon as possible for a check up. There could be things going on with him physically or physiologically that could be contributing to this behaviour. Another thing could be the medications he is taking. They should be checked. Also, there are medications out there that can help control violent behaviors in the elderly. The proper medication given at the proper dosage can work wonders. I have seen this on more than one occassion. Sometimes the difference can be like night and day. However, if a medication is prescribed it is imperative that you watch for certain things and stay in close contact with the doctor in the beginning of this because if the loved one is sleeping too much or acting dopey or whatever they could be getting too much. There will be a period of adjustment. Good luck with this and God bless you.
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