Any ideas on how to handle an 81 year old woman that pitches a fit like a 6 year old?

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My mother, (with gen. age decline) starts raising her voice and flailing her arms, sometimes even smacking the counter or desk or whatever is handy at the time. Occassionally stomping her feet. She is covering up her memory loss (aka lying) and when caught in this she then dives head first into drama.... throwing a temper tantrum. It happens usually when no one else is around. My son and I are the only ones that get to see this. If we walk away, she follows and usually makes a personal insult, trying to get a response. We usually ask her if this is what she really wants to do. Or that it is not an appropriate place or time. It is starting to ruin the relationship between her and my son (her grandson). I am usually able to let it roll off my back, but sometimes even I have a hard time with it. This is a fairly new development in our journey. Please, please, please any help would be appreciated!

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What I've found with my Mom is even the "trained experts" cain't handle her!

So far, THEY are more likely to get her riled up and then hand her back off to me! (yeah, thanks a lot!)
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seven4real, thank you for the idea of sam-e400. I will check into that! Also, hank4422 - my mom sounds like a kindred spirit to yours. If we ignore her it will escalate and she will follow us. And some times I just can't leave the room or there are other people just out of hearing distance. So her tempertantrum involves only family! ( myself and my son) she rarely throws her fit when there are outside witnesses. There are times when she pitches a fit and then within a few minutes she behaves like nothing ever happened. Then, for example, like this week, she pitched a fit and now she is pouting and being hateful and rude for days on end. Bless her heart!
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seven4real- I have my mom on most of those too, I added a b-complex. She eats a yoghurt every morning when she gets up and takes them. I then make her a regular breakfast, like 2 scrambled eggs sometimes with cheese, a cinnamon roll and fruit. She has been healthy for the last four years.
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I know this isn't helping you, but my mother does the same exact thing and was just diagnosed 3rd stage dementia.
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It seems that mother's need for attention is escalating, perhaps out of fear and lack of control over life changes. Try giving her small choices over items and situations: ham and cheese or turkey sandwich for lunch...white or blue towels...the pharmacy first or the post office... Then she will be making the decisions, be more in control, all the while getting your undivided focus on her.
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One of my friends suggested distraction or redirection...I now do what she says when I see the temper getting up...I try to distract or redirect the attention to something else going on. It doesn't always work, but it does a lot of the time. I know
this isn't much help, but at least it might work some of the time.
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We have had my mom here for 4 months and I have endured insults, lies, tantrums, no I don't want to do it, I am so sick...can't tell you all but .... I have been working on her nutritional needs and can tell you I give her a great multivitamin with whole food extract, vit D, resveratrol, coq10, probiotics, red krill oil, flax oil and coconut oil. Yes she complains but takes it all after breakfast as we do ours. I just added Sam-e 400 on an empty stomach each morning before her coffee and oh my gosh ... we are living with a different person! She is more focused, less anxiety, hasn't tried to hit me or cuss under her breath. Also she would always tell my hubby we have to get rid of that women that lives here etc. Now she is grateful for all that I do for her and we are all happier. She seems to know more of who she is and where she is as well. It sure can't hurt to try. My mom was absolutly crazy on any of the ALZ meds.
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Hart, If I give Mom the silent treatment or just nod, that just hacks her off even more. You not only have to reply to her endless blathering, but you also have to reply with just the right words and just the right tone of voice.
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After 4 years, this is all too much like my mom. It usually happens when I tell her she has to bathe. The shower is huge and has a sit down seat. She starts yelling "POLICE POLICE". This so rattled me at first, and sometimes she is swinging arms too. But anymore, I stand and ask her if she is done yet? She usually just goes on and takes the shower. I help her with her hair. When the water is turned off and I wrap her in a towel she starts yelling" I'm cold". I usually say, if you sop yelling and dry off you'll be warm. And she does. It is like ritual now. And I really don't let it throw me like I did at first. She acts better after a shower. So I know it is worth it.
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Thank you all for your sharing. It helps so much.
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