I am having the opposite problem of those listings I have read about parents wanting to live with you or who will not move out.
My mother has never wanted to live with either me or my brother. But she tends to not let us help, get herself into difficult situations, then want help bailing herself out.
Last year, I moved her across country to live in an apartment near my husband and me. She has a lovely apartment and, despite health conditions, is doing well taking care of herself.
We do everything else for her. Recently, I suggested that we have a home care worker come in once or twice a month to help out. Now, she says that she wants to move back to her home state. My sibling is absolutely NO HELP...in fact, he was cleaning out her bank accounts (she is in extreme denial...because he is her SON...) I told her that if I thought she would be okay living back home I would have had no qualms letting her stay there. When she was living there she could no longer drive, had no one who was interested in taking her to the doctor or doing errands for her. I do that all now and she still wants to go "back home." I know that she is homesick and it was brave of her to move this far and 84 yrs. of age.
Reality checks do not work with her. She seems to think that assisted care facilities are "magical" places where they have people that will do "everything" for you. Surprise! that "everything" costs money....the stuff I am doing for free now.
I think this is her way of disuading me from hiring help. She just keeps bringing up moving back. And here is what will happen (because it has happened before): When she gets in a jam, I hop on an airplane, leave my work and family, and stay with her until it is resolved.
Nothing I do for her do I resent. But these constant tussles and arguments just DRAIN me. I become sullen because there is just no logic to her decisions. You may say, "just let her go and find out for herself" which is fine if she were rational. If she creates a bigger mess for herself, then I have a bigger mess to clean up. The rest of my patriarcal family looks the other way.
I am reminded of a quote I read lately from a doctor who helps families who have aging parents. He said that the best defense against ending up in some awful facility is to have a DAUGHTER. Right on Doctor!!! not one of my caregiving friends is male. NO sexism here...it's fact. Daughters are guilted out by family and society to do all the dirty work that they feel is to "unseemly" for men to do.
All I know is that I am trying to keep myself as healthy as possible so that I can stave off these horrible realities as long as possible. There is no such thing as growing older gracefully in this country unless you are wealthy. Add to that a culture that worships youth and wants to dispose of the elderly (by elderly I mean anyone 40 and over!)
Enough ranting...thanks for listening because, unless you have been throught this, everyone thinks you are "whining."
If anyone could offer advice, I would be very thankful. My biggest concern now, is: What is the next step in my mother's care when she is no longer able to care for herself? Does in-home care work? What about assisted living centers? I do not want her to end up living in deplorable conditions. She is my mother and I love her.