My mom won't eat or drink and she can't get out of bed. How can I help her if all she want's to do is die?

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she wont eat or drink my stepdad is taking care of her he was a cna for 10 years no one can get her to eat its so hard to see her like this i dont understand its not fair shes 84 i dont want her to suffer,what can we do we need help and dont know where to turn i cry all night and have to go to work im heart broken

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Jeannegibbs is right on, as usual. I'm so sorry - you are right to be worried.
My first thought was does she have a terminal disease? If so, hospice would keep her comfortable. If not, depression may be at the source. Undiagnosed infections and other issues could cause this. She needs to be seen by a doctor to determine what is going on, if no one has diagnosed a terminal illness. Please try to get her seen soon.
Carol
What was your mother hospitalized for? Did she recover?

Is she severely depressed? Is she on medications for depression? What does her doctor say about this behavior?

She says she wants to die. Does she have a terminal illness? Is she possibly in the final stage? Of course you do not want her to suffer. Is she suffering physically from her health conditions, as well as from this apparent depression?

I'm sorry for so many questions, but knowing more may trigger ideas from somebody.

You are certainly correct. The many possible problems of old age are not fair!
I had the same problem with my mum. It turned out that she was in the early stages of dementia, which people were missing because she was otherwise functioning really well. She was really lucky and got put on a trial for some new meds for dementia which, I'm sorry, I can't remember the name of. It was a miracle. Over a period of a few days my mum came back, but thenmy sisters had her put into care and the home was outside the trial area so she went back to the way she'd been. Not eating? Little and often. It doesn't matter how little, it doesn't matter how often. I used to cut up sandwiches and other food to make it look like a dolls tea-party, putting meals on small plates, eating with her and keeping her talking all the time. I used to think that this must have been just what she'd had to do with me when I'd been a cranky baby, which helped. It's not easy. When I was looking after my mum, one minute she'd be calling me every name under the sun and wishing someone would come and save her from me, the next, I was an angel of mercy and she didn't deserve me. It's hard to see your parents act like that, but what you have to remember is that it isn't your mum or your dad saying the bad things to you, it's the disease.I know that's a glib thing to say, but you are doing the best you can. I wish I could be more help, but I'm thinking about you and crossing my fingers that something gets better for you.
Oh, and my mum kept saying she wanted to die as well, so maybe it's a common feature. She also had this story she'd tell about something that happened to her in the distant past that gradually got more and more disturbing. What ever those meds were, they really worked, because the story she told began to get happier and happier, until in the end, she didn't mention it at all. Wishing to die? Has she lost people she loved? I know this might seem a bit pathetic, but what did she used to be interested in? is there any chance you could re-involve her?
Jeannegibbs asked some good questions.

My mom wasn't able to eat anymore because of her illness(last stage Dementia) So, I wasn't going to let her go out of this world without a fight. I pureed food to baby food consistency or bought baby food and feed her via medicine syringe. If you do it slow and make sure she is sitting up lessens the chances of choking. I got "thick it" food/liquid that I put into her fluid as well. I try to get some ensure into mom each day. My moms problem she won't open her mouth to eat. But she will chew and swallow with no problem. I put the tip of syringe towards the corner of her mouth. Once she puckers a bit, I can get more of tip into her mouth. I slowly push plunger to feed her.
My mom eats very little but I try.

I don't know how you feel about feeding tubes? I personally am against. But that might be something to consider when all else falls. I suggest talk to the doctor about her condition(s) and go from there.

If your mom has just given up, its going to be hard to reverse it. Encourage her she needs to fight.
My dad is 81, my mom passed a few years ago, but dad was self sufficiant. He shopped, went to church, drove, showered...he did everything. But 6 months ago he had a growth in his neck and the doctor said it was a slow growing cancer. He removed it, which went well. But the dr. also wanted him to have radiation. He received 31 treatments to his neck. After 3 months he complained his throat was sore, tongue was swollen and couldn't gag down any food. He wound up loosing 60 pounds and became very weak. He fell a few times due to him being weak. We put him in the hospital. They hydrated him and sent him home. A month later, he was dehydrated again and was starting to get pnemonia in his lung. We admitted him again. Fluids and antibiotic. Hospital then sent him to Assited Living to finish up his antibiotics and physical therapy. We finally got him home and with about 4 of us trying to get him to eat and get up and exercise, it has been difficult. He refuses to get out of bed.....doesnt like his dr (just got him a new one) And says his throat is still very dry and cant swallow very much. What do I do???
Psutherland- has your dad had a speech therapy evaluation? My dad had throat cancer and treatment as well. There may be permanent damage done to the throat or damage that could be reversed. Has he been seen by an ENT doctor since the surgery? If not, he may need to be seen.

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