ahjaynes Asked March 2010

My mom wants to go to a nursing home in my hometown against the wishes of her sisters, what should we do?

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EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack Apr 2010
Your mother should be listened to and it should be up to her if that is her choice. Who has Power Of Attorney for heath care (a health directive). If there isn't one, there should be. That would help if you are the person chosen.
Carol
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toadballet1 Apr 2010
I agree with Carol, at the end of the day it is all about what is best for your mom, who can best care for her, and where she will be happiest in her final years.
My Mom's sister loves her in the abstract - never visited her in the same town where they lived, but "misses" her now that she moved out here to be near me. Sometimes elder sibs are in denial about their brother's or sister's medical and emotional needs.
good luck
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Your mother should be in a facility that is close to her primary caregiver and from what I have read that is you. If you are the contact person for the facility that she will be in she should be near you so you can go over there at a moments notice. Families have a way of wanting things their way and giving little or nothing in the way of assistance in return.
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ahjaynes Apr 2010
Thank you! I have POA, and the sisters do love her in abstract. THey would not be able to do a lot for her. My father, and they have been divorced over 30 years, also agrees with the sisters. They think that she should stay where she is, where her church friends are. I think they mean well. I have 5 children and work outside the home, and I think that they all believe that this would be "too much" for me and that I wouldn't be able to visit her throughout the week. Mom has requested that she moves closer to me so that she can see us more, including my children. Being 2 hours away, we see her about once a month now. I just want her to be happy and don't want the other family members to be upset or think that this wouldn't be in her best interest. I guess as POA, they won't really have a say in this. It's such a hard decision. My worst fear is that she will get here and hate it.
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toadballet1 Apr 2010
You are already starting on the plus side because your mom is requesting the move. Also, she will get to see your family more. Being responsible for a parent and working full time is a LOT. But, she will be living outside of your home and it sounds like you are a sensible and caring person
good luck and let us know how things worked out
Lilli
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