How can I get my grandmother to understand that I need to live my life?
I am 33 and taking care of my 80 year old grandmother. I moved back from Paris France to New Mexico 7 years ago after my grandmother told me she was dying. I came to take care of her, but the longer I stay the more like a slave she treats me. She only continues to do less and less. She still says she is dying every day (but aren't we all?) even though her doctor says she is doing well. Her doctor is also part of the problem, he acts like I should drop everything for my grandmother, including my own health issues. I have been diagnosed with stage 3 NHL (lymphoma) and caring for my grandmother is severely hurting my health now. My grandmother does not seem to even acknowledge my health, nor does her doctor who actually one time told me to blow off my surgery to remove tumors from my lungs to get my grandmother's toenails cut, he totally acts clueless that if I die then she will have no slave left. My grandmother refuses to go to a retirement home, she insists that I have to take care of her or I am the worst person on the planet. I can only work part time while taking care of all of her needs and it is putting a strain on me financially, all the money I saved in Paris is gone now. Anytime I go out my granmother pouts and calls me names. To me it seems like she is a miserable person and she wants to make me as miserable as she is. Now that this is affecting my health, I need to find a way to cahnge this. I can no longer act as a slave for my grandmother, but I also know that if I just walk out the door she can't/won't take care of herself. Her doctor is no help, she plays the part of sweet, quiet old lady in front of him and he buys it. He also does not care for my health. I believe my grandmother needs to be placed in assisted living, but she has never been declared incompentent nor do I have any power of attorney. She won't listen when I try to talk to her. I am at the end of my rope and don't know what to do that will be good for her health as well as mine.