lmw124 Asked March 2010

My mom is asking about property that she thinks is stolen by her grandchildren. How do I deal with this?

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lmw124 Apr 2010
Everything has turned out okay now, after his mom yelling at him several times, he did bring it upstairs and put it back together. However, my nephew's and my sister's response to this whole thing has really turned me off, because of his casual, offhand response when I first asked about it. Anyway, I will never ever ask again where any of my mom's things are because it caused so much discord in my family. And meanwhile I am the one that has to deal with mom, I am the one who visits her every day.
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N1K2R3 Apr 2010
How do you know that it HASN'T been stolen? Check this out first and then go from there.
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lmw124 Mar 2010
I'm just going to let my sister handle this one, I know she wants my nephew to do a lot of things before he can ever leave, one of which is setting up grandma's piano. She is really admant that she is the one that will do the disciplining of her children. However, he is not a child anymore, 30 years old and should get in trouble with the police just like an adult would. He has done stuff like this before, but never such a large expensive item. At this point I do not want to rock the boat on this, I am just lucky to have a home and a place to stay now, with mom in the nursing home and my finances in ruins from mom's demands while I was caring for her.
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RebeccaLynn Mar 2010
I'm wondering why you would have to tell her that the piano is missing. I mean, if she asked about it, couldn't you just say that it was fine ? As far as your nephew, if you really think he took it then I would go to your sister and ask her to look through his property with you before he leaves. If she says no, then I would call the police and let them handle it. I'm sure you don't want to lie to your mother, but wouldn't it be in her best interest that she not hear about the piano being missing ? You're in a really tough situation and I wish you the best in getting through it. Take care
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lmw124 Mar 2010
I might as well drop this whole thing now anyway. I don't know how I would be able to prove that he stole it and he claims he does not remember the piano that Grandma had, even though I did see him pack it up into his car when we moved. I asked him about it after we got moved and he said it was down in the basement (his room). Neither me or my sister gave him permission to take it down into the basement.

It would only make problems for my sister if I pursue this further. My nephew has no money to be able to make restitution anyway and they would look to my sister (his mom) to pay for it. I have caused her enough trouble already. A couple of weeks ago I accidentally left the back door on the car open and she backed out the next morning and hit the garage door and now the door is all banged up and won't close. Unfortuantely I do not drive and I don't have any liability insurance.

I am still very concerned about what to tell mom. I know she would probably call the police and make a big deal out of it if she knew it was missing. If I tell her we still have it, it is a lie and sooner or later if you lie it will catch up with you later, I can't lie to mom about her piano.

Anyway this whole move when we moved mom to the nursing home and me into my sister's house was done all wrong anyway. Multiple car trips to bring things over a little at a time with my nephew doing the driving, and then ended up we had to hire professional movers to get the stuff moved out at the end of the month with me paying for it.
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lmw124 Mar 2010
What bothers me is how could my nephew say he doesn't remember the piano or taking it apart and moving it over to my sister's house. He insisted on moving a lot of the things over to my sister's in his car, claiming that it would save money on the professional mover's charges. Since my sister is POA and she is my nephew's mother, I guess I will just have to leave it up to her to do the disciplining of my nephew and make the decision on whether or not to press the issue any further. I just hope it is my nephew that goes over to explain to grandma why her piano is missing, not me. I am tired of having to explain things away and make excuses for everybody.
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pamela6148 Mar 2010
OK I have a question on this.

My mom has a living trust. There are only two things I've always asked for that belonged to my mom. One she has a desk that belonged to her from the 6th grade, two she has a (copper lined, very rare) smoking stand that she gave to my grandpa when she was a young girl. I've always asked for those two things and only those two things and my mom has agreed to let me have them, when she goes. I want nothing else, nothing just those 2 things and only those two things for sentimental value.

Now are you saying that unless those two things are itemized in the will/trust that I won't get them.
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Eddie Mar 2010
LMW:

When a member of the family goes into a NH, many of the relatives assume they aren't coming back so they have no need of their worldly possessions. And the faster the individual's health deteriorates, the quicker they are to divvy up, steal, or get rid of what he/she apparently has no use for. ... Vultures!

I agree with Crowe here. If you take something without permission and written consent (a will), it's stealing. I suggest you tell the individual in the NH that you'll look for what they are asking for. If you can't find it and it does exist, ask whoever "borrowed" it what they did with it and if he/she still has it to return it immediately. No offense, but that goes for you too.

When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. It might hurt the individual in the NH a little, but he/she might forgive or make him/herself believe someone else put their property to good use. ... And please don't tell him/her the property in question is a figment of the imagination, that it only exists in his/her head, or that he/she is hallucinating. The elderly might be cluttery at times, but there's a method to their madness. Their possessions might not be considered valuable, but the memories attached to them are priceless. Taking them without their permission is, then, an unforgivable affront -- especially if it's done by a close family member.

Always at your service,

-- ED
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lmw124 Mar 2010
Well, I cannot find the pictures of the piano right off. They might have been in a box of pictures that got put in the wrong place in the garage and got water damage. This is just one more item missing after having moved mom to the nursing home and me over to my sister's house - cords for my computer, etc. Only this item is bigger and more expensive, plus mom has hear heart attached to that piano, she was a concert pianist. I guess that only thing I can do is get people who visited her and saw and heard me play that piano in her apartment to witness that she had it.

If my sister has POA, does she have the authority to just give away mom's stuff? I know she did not give the piano away, but she is not wanting to save all this stuff I am going through in the garage. What about the four wardrobers full of her clothes? I am tripping over them in my room.

Anyway, this is really going to be hard to explain away to my mom.
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lmw124 Mar 2010
Unfortunately my sister has POA. I do not know if my sister will let my nephew get away with this or not. He is planning to move to another state and I am really anxious about this now. He still has a long list of things he has to do for my sister before he leaves and she is the one giving him enough money so he can move. He has had this list of projects for months but just laid around all fall and winter. He has previously left her home without finishing projects that she had asked him to do, but never took property.

When I questioned him about it in front of my sister, he acted like he did not remember that she had that piano - how could he miss it, it was right in the middle of the living room, a beautiful rosewood upright electric piano. And I remember him taking it apart so he could fit it into his car to move it over to my sister's house when mom had to go to the nursing home. He is into music and electric pianos and I am really afraid on this one. Anyway, mom is asking about the piano, technically it is her property until she dies, then it was supposed to go to me. We are a family of musicians, I guess it figures we would have an argument over a keyboard, but I hate for my nephew to leave with my mom mad at him and me having to explain it away to her when I visit her in the nursing home.
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