My 86 year old Mother does not like to take a shower. I have a walk in shower and she still doens't like to shower. I have to fight her every step of the way. She makes every excuse possible. I have a headache, I have a stomach ache, I have this and this and this and this. So I let it go and let it go until I take her finally and say we are doing this today... I get in the shower with her and she has a sit down seat ... All she has to do is sit there. I do all the work. At least that way I can wash her hair. She will clean the private area herself. Which I'm greatful for. But if I didn't make her finally take a shower she would never take one.... But after it's over she thanks me and she feel so much better. go figure....lol
No one needs a daily bath, for goodness sake. esp. when activity is low. You are all being cruel without realizing it. ANd the 90 year old mother who says she is cold is cold! So stop torturing her. Unless the person has soiled their clothes, there is no reason ---except in perfectly trained consumer land---Why an elderly person or anyone else needs a daily bath
Keep a towel or a t-shirt on the person being bathed...just like you would do when you bathe a baby. The fabric keeps the cold drafty air off of the skin. Remember: when skin is wet, the air feels cold, even in a warm room. Use your imagination! Have someone give y-o-u a bath. Then re-evaluate how you go about bathing the person you're caring for.
OK this is a copy/paste from the forum "How often should my elder parent be bathing"?
My mom won't get in the tub, too weak and afraid she'll fall, (ME TOO SO NO PROBLEM).
We give her a sponge bath daily. She's 90. The entire time she complains of being cold, (God knows the heat it on 90), but we continue on. After the bath, I rub her down with Aveno and vaseline to keep her skin moist and not dry. I put Cocoa Butter on her face, and Touch of Mink on her feet. I also rub sachet cream and spray a little cologne on her so she smells nice. They get accustomed to a schedule and we try to do it daily at the same time, usually in the morning after she has her breakfast.
Elderly get itchy just like us when we go without a bath.
My Mom did the same thing when she was in my care, excuses, excuses, excuses, but she agreed to sponge bathing. She agreed to shower if I would stay in the bathroom with her but I wasn't allowed to look or help or say anything. When she went into the NH she bragged about how her showers were really nice "All I do is stand and the girls wash me it's so nice." LOL I think she was embarrassed about me seeing her. Then again nothing I do for her care is/was easy for me but anyone else could talk her into just about anything.
Juanita, bathtubs are difficult to step over. It's not just the bad knee, it's the possibility of slipping or falling inside the tub. This may sound strange, but does your bathroom have a drain in the floor? When my mom could no longer understand "lift your feet" so that she can enter our shower, dad and I 'showered' her in the middle of the bathroom. He held her hands to keep her still (she tends to walk, walk, walk - sundowning) while I poured water over her. We washed her this way. We had the bath chair but it was faster to shower her standing.
If you don't have a drain for the water to go down or a bath chair, how about having him sit on the toilet with the seat cover down? Then put lots of towels on the floor to soak up the water that you pour on him to 'shower' him.
If that is difficult to do, then we're down to using baby wipes and/or No Rinse Body Wash and No Rinse Shampoo or the No Rinse Shampoo Cap.
To avoid sores, it's important that he changes his clothes (sweat, wet, etc...) daily. If it's wet, change it. While changing it, do a quick wipe down with the wipes. FYI, I've read here on this site that some caregivers bathe their parent/spouse a few body parts at a time. Example, today, they will clean his toes, feet, and legs. Tomorrow, they will do his arms and/or chest. The next day, his back. The next day, shampoo.
We put my FIL on a regular shower schedule, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning. That's when his professional caregiver gives him a full bath, which includes his hair. The rest of the week, he may either sponge bathes himself or with help from the caregiver.
He has severely dry and itchy skin with patches of eczema. If he does not get those regular baths and them lotioned up afterwards, he'd scratch himself bloody.
Before we put him on a regular schedule, he either tried to wiggle himself out of getting a regular bath by claiming he already had bathed himself - which was often not true - or he would forget that he had a bath and would sponge bath again or insist that the caregiver give him another bath. Now that he has this schedule, it's easier for everybody, including him.
BTW, when I mention that he sponge bathes himself, that's an over statement. (I secretly watched him several times.) He would fill the sink with water, lather up a wash cloth, rub himself down with it and then barely rinse off the soap. In the end, that caused more skin issues.
Although he would tell us that he actually DID use the shower, I know this is not true. He had had 2 falls in the tub and that's when he stopped using it. My BIL decided that his dad could use a shower bench and they "recycled" my SIL's. (She is obese and was using an extra large bath bench, for a few months, after she had had knee replacements. Needless to say, the bench doesn't fit properly, but they insist on it anyway.) My FIL is still too scared and physically not able to use the shower on his own....
Mom gets a sponge bath at the kitchen sink by an aid once a week. Stands up and holds onto the counter to clean her private parts. In between, I use baby wipes if she's incontinent during the night. From what I've read on here, mom's not alone in resisting showers . . . she gets cold, the water spray is irritating on her sensitive skin . . . it's like torture.
We've been sold that showering every day is a necessity. It's not. But it's a great way to use powders, lotions, shampoos, and body washes like crazy. Seniors aren't playing in mud puddles. They have very dry skin. Washing away the skin's natural oils every few days makes absolutely no sense.
Pic, what do you mean when you say she has a "great mind"? My mom also still can philosophize (with limited speech due to aphasia) but she can't reason her way out of a paper bag.
Are you seeing dementia and not recognizing it as such?
We have made the daily shower a "religious ritual" in the USA. I was an exchange student in Italy many years ago, and they said "you can smell an American from several feet away because of the soap of the daily bath." I grew up on a farm with no bath or running water, so sponge bathing and daily clean clothes was our custom. I later had a daily shower during the years when I lived in a college dorm and then when I worked. I am now a healthy 80-year old woman and for the past ten years or so, I have taken a warm sponge bath every morning without soap (because of dry skin). I put on clean clothes at least once daily, sometimes more depending on activities. I get into the shower to shampoo my hair (which is long and also dry) about once every ten days and use a little soap on my skin then. I would be less than thrilled to have anyone try to resume the daily shower bath ritual with me no matter how well-intentioned they may be!
ANd the 90 year old mother who says she is cold is cold! So stop torturing her. Unless the person has soiled their clothes, there is no reason ---except in perfectly trained consumer land---Why an elderly person or anyone else needs a daily bath
Unless
My mom won't get in the tub, too weak and afraid she'll fall, (ME TOO SO NO PROBLEM).
We give her a sponge bath daily. She's 90. The entire time she complains of being cold, (God knows the heat it on 90), but we continue on. After the bath, I rub her down with Aveno and vaseline to keep her skin moist and not dry. I put Cocoa Butter on her face, and Touch of Mink on her feet. I also rub sachet cream and spray a little cologne on her so she smells nice. They get accustomed to a schedule and we try to do it daily at the same time, usually in the morning after she has her breakfast.
Elderly get itchy just like us when we go without a bath.
Hope this helps.
If you don't have a drain for the water to go down or a bath chair, how about having him sit on the toilet with the seat cover down? Then put lots of towels on the floor to soak up the water that you pour on him to 'shower' him.
If that is difficult to do, then we're down to using baby wipes and/or No Rinse Body Wash and No Rinse Shampoo or the No Rinse Shampoo Cap.
To avoid sores, it's important that he changes his clothes (sweat, wet, etc...) daily. If it's wet, change it. While changing it, do a quick wipe down with the wipes. FYI, I've read here on this site that some caregivers bathe their parent/spouse a few body parts at a time. Example, today, they will clean his toes, feet, and legs. Tomorrow, they will do his arms and/or chest. The next day, his back. The next day, shampoo.
He has severely dry and itchy skin with patches of eczema. If he does not get those regular baths and them lotioned up afterwards, he'd scratch himself bloody.
Before we put him on a regular schedule, he either tried to wiggle himself out of getting a regular bath by claiming he already had bathed himself - which was often not true - or he would forget that he had a bath and would sponge bath again or insist that the caregiver give him another bath. Now that he has this schedule, it's easier for everybody, including him.
BTW, when I mention that he sponge bathes himself, that's an over statement. (I secretly watched him several times.) He would fill the sink with water, lather up a wash cloth, rub himself down with it and then barely rinse off the soap. In the end, that caused more skin issues.
Although he would tell us that he actually DID use the shower, I know this is not true. He had had 2 falls in the tub and that's when he stopped using it. My BIL decided that his dad could use a shower bench and they "recycled" my SIL's. (She is obese and was using an extra large bath bench, for a few months, after she had had knee replacements. Needless to say, the bench doesn't fit properly, but they insist on it anyway.) My FIL is still too scared and physically not able to use the shower on his own....
We've been sold that showering every day is a necessity. It's not. But it's a great way to use powders, lotions, shampoos, and body washes like crazy. Seniors aren't playing in mud puddles. They have very dry skin. Washing away the skin's natural oils every few days makes absolutely no sense.
Are you seeing dementia and not recognizing it as such?
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