My dad has stopped eating, quit taking his medications, and is lying in bed all day saying he wants to die. What can I do for him?

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My Dad has been with us for a year now. He suffers from limited mobility due to a stroke. He told me he wants to die. He has been refusing most everything. He eats very little, drinks nothing and refuses to take his meds and to go to the doctor. What should I do.......let him die? Place him in a NH where I know he will die a lonely old man?

Answers 1 to 5 of 5
Have you talked with a hospice about his care? I was told that near the end the patient will not want to eat, drink or take their meds. I think that you should consult with his doctor and if he is in agreement allow him to do these things at will. Your local hospice will help you to deal with this and make him as comfortable as possible. It is hard to answer these questions and to know what is right and what is wrong. Prayer, help from others who have been in this position and common sense is the best you can hope for . I wish for you and your family peace and love. God bless !
Top Answer
I agree with the above advice. When my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor, I was at a loss as to what to do. He was given 3 to 6 months to live and the best thing I did was contact a local hospice. No matter what your financial circumstance they will help you on this hard journey. Ask to speak with the social worker at the hospice and explain the situation. The social worker and an RN will come to your home to talk with you and your dad about the situation. A doctor will need to approve putting him on hospice (hard, I know, as he won't see a doctor). Once he is officially on hospice Medicare will provide drugs free of cost to keep him comfortable, a few hours of free in home help and weekly RN visits, spiritual help, volunteers, etc. It's a wonderful help in a dark time and I was so relieved to know they were only a phone call away when things got bad. They have nurses on call 24/7. My dad had a horrible seizure his last night at home and these people were angels!

The social worker will help you negotiate your dad's unwillingness to see a doctor and most likely you can arrange a meeting with them before you get your dad involved.

It's one of the hardest phone calls I ever made in my life, because it made it real that he was dying. In retrospect, it was also one of the best calls I ever made, because support from other people at this time makes all the difference in a good way. You and your dad do not have to alone with these difficult decisions.

I know what you're going through. Hang in there. For me, focusing on practical steps in ensuring their care helped me reign in my emotions. I felt like I was actually "doing something" as opposed to being consumed by worry.

Cyber hugs sent to you. God bless you and your dad. It's not easy, that's for sure.

Windytown
He could be depressed. And meds could help. Or he could have just given up on life. Or he could be at the end and these are normal behaviors of that. He really needs to speak with a dr. But if he isn't demented, chooses not to see a Dr. And dies, do not feel guilty its not you fault. Do what ever you can to get him help but its ultimatly up to him. And even he may not have complete control if the later is true. What is his quality of life? Is he able to go places? Do the things he enjoys? Get around on his own enough to function? Or is he bedridden? Need constant care? I have seen elderly people give up after say the loss of a spouse, some don't make it. Others go through a period of grief,anger,giving up, then all of a sudden come out of it better. They can go through the same grief when they lose their mobility,independence and what they knew of a life. So he may come out of it. See if you can't get him to see a dr. Or give the dr. A call. They wont talk to you about his medical history but sometimes will listen to your concerns and may be able to help. Good luck!
Father stopped taking blood sugar meds for 7 days now
If he is very old and in extremely bad health, bring in hospice and give him the dignity of the only last choice he may have left in his life. Sometimes letting go is the best honor you can give to an elderly parent.

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