ladywellness Asked October 2011

What elder rights does my mom have if my siblings are trying to take her away from me?

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My mom is 84 and now has dementia. I have always been very close to my parents. They have done so much for me and me for them. My mom has been with me for 7 years. Her children from another marriage distoryed her marriage to my dad of 44 years. My dad not their dad started to have mental issues after a car accident. They saw it and had him do terrible things that he would never done. My dad hated my mom's kids for over 44 years. They made him divorce my mom which he didn't believe in divorce, hate his only child, me and hated his only granddaughter who he all adored. They had him close his bank accounts down and took his money. My dad didn't even know how to write a check. Mom handled it all.They had him change his will to exclude my daughters and myself, and added all of them, They had my parents loose their home of 27 years and they had my dad transfer all of his cars into their names. This was back in 2005. My mom saw what was happening and decided to have no more relationship with her children.because what they have done to her. She said she never wanted to be bother by them ever again and they were dead in her eyes. Now my dad just passed away in January of this year, so all of his money went to my mom. They are not getting anymore. The have lied to police, detectives adult protective service and said I kidnapped my mom. It was my mom's choice for no contact. This year my mom was dignose with dementia. They sent over a dectective and my mom told them she love being with me and wants no contact with her kids. Months later she is getting worst. It's really hard to talk to her about things because she just don't understand. Something really bad, she laughs about it..It's hard for me because I used to tell her everything and now sometimes her face is just goes blank. We been living with a friend and that friend turned against me and helped her kids kidnapped her one night while I was not home. They didn't even take her shoes or coat. The next morning her kids had her closed down her bank account and took her money. The bank told me she looked confused. I filed a missing police report and my brother btought her into the station. She now tells the police she does not want to be with me. I went to court to get her away from them and my sister,brother and myself now cant be around her until Tuesday in court. They had my mom write a letter saying she does want to be with me and is afraid of me, she says I beat her, I wont take her to the doctor or give her medicine. She says she will call the police on me for taking her car. A car that she gave permisssion for me to drive for 7 years. My mom cant write a letter. She can write down in her hand writing what someone has wrote but she can not think of what to write. She doesn't even know how to dail 911 or turn on a phone. Her kids have made me look like the bad person to the police except the detective. She knows what is happening.and it really makes her mad. She has not seen her kids in 7 years and now they have brainwashed her making her hate me like they did my dad. I cant even talk to her or see her. Now they are going for custody. I know with all my heart this is not she wanted. What is her rights? Is there anyone to help her. I can't even hire an attorney.

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EXPERT Carol Bradley Bursack Oct 2011
You have an exceptionally sad situation here, though I've heard similar stories before. I'm assuming you have gone through social services over this, already. If not, please start there.
Try calling your state's attorney's office and ask if there is a probono (free) attorney who can help you. They will likely give you a contact number. You will need some legal help here if things keep going in this direction.
Take care of yourself by getting legal help.
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pjsmithres Oct 2011
Like mine last year. See an ELDER LAW attorney. Call the local BAR association and get a referral.
We paid $150 for an hour and it cleared up many necessary things and avoided many disasters before Mom died.
Worth it at 40 times the cost
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tltimme Oct 2011
Did your mom have a doctor that saw her regularly and knew you were taking care of her? If so perhaps he/she can write a letter to that effect that you could show the court.
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pltrickey Oct 2011
The sad thing is their children see how they are treating your mom and will do the same to them. You are in my prayers while you figure out how to solve this. Minding our elders gave you very good advice. Hopefully you will follow through and try this solution. You are in the right and your mom needs you to be strong.
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pjsmithres Oct 2011
Unfortunately you will eventually hear the stories about others (family/children) that do unbelieveable things when you are most helpless. The sad reality is that in the "rights" department, there is nothing that will count unless it's LEGAL, and that is even on shaky ground. The "step" family became INSANE and turned into teh EVIL of al evils.
Get it through a lawyer.
If you say you can't "afford" a lawyer, you are so wrong. You can't afford not to.
There are free lawyer groups. Talk to the local bar association and tell them you need the help. For a few hundred dollars they can at least give you the necessary docs. if you don't have them,, it could cost in the 10's of thousands to fix it after she is gone.
Also find out who is the executor of her will/trust.
Who is teh Power of Attorney and is there a "GUARDIANSHIP?"
If you don't check the real LAW, unfortunately, it will cost lots more later and you won't have anything but bills and paid lawyers...
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pjsmithres Oct 2011
similarities are too vivid. I have seen this almost to the letter. see Hospice in your area. it doesn't matter if terminal or not. Hospice has access to resources and help that you need.
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DianneKK Oct 2011
wow. this is sad ordeal. my mom also has dementia & I get the whole "blank" look, and the not understanding things factor. I find myself repeating myself over & over to no avail.......2 long years of caring for someone who really seems to have no regard for others or their feelings....Always putting me down because she is sick and jelous that I'm well enough to get around. I feel people should be more grateful to have someone take full time care of them as I am also raising a ten year old son.....All I can tell you is to stay true to you and who you are, and if your worried about your moms welfare then take necessary steps to make sure her needs are met & you will not have to worry so much....It sounds like you invested a lot of time & now she is being influenced in negative ways from people who may or may not have alterior motives. Does anyone have POA for your mom? That sounds like a good step to take considering her age and health decline. I truly hope the best for you & your mom. Hope everything gets worked out in a way that is beneficial to everyones well beings..... This may be a perfect opportunity to somewhat re-claim your own life & still be able to look after your mom. Good luck!kellyb
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