maxine Asked June 2011

How can I make my mom see that she is being mean to one of her oldest friends and is about to end their 50 year friendship?

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bobbie321 Jun 2011
Hi Maxine,
I'm with Mia, Sherrie and Jeanne above.
My mom had been showing signs for over 10 years when I look back on it and know now what I wished I could have seen earlier. My mom is gone now but we had a few more good adventures and I miss her.
By me not understanding what she was dealing with, both of us suffered so much when we could have had a big head start on the whole situation.
That's what makes this site so valuable in the fact that there are those of us that have gone on before so the ones coming into these wierd mom and dad situations have a better grip on what to do.

Talk to the friend and find out what the issue was. See if she has any insight or god forbid she has signs too. Maybe they're both suffering. You never know.

Be patient with yourself and with your mom. Getting old is a bear and she could be scared. When someone is suffering from cognitive impairment sometimes we as caregivers forget how horrifying it is for them because their crazy behavior takes center stage.... if indeed this is what the issue is.

My mom was mad at everybody. Everybody was at fault here or there and since she was always a 'prickly' personality I just thought that everyone had just royally pissed her off and there you go.
I was way wrong. She had dementia and was frightened and paranoid. It took awhile after I intervened but she came to know that she was 'safe and sound' and lived with her dementia with as much grace and dignity that we both could muster.
Good Luck and keep coming back to this site. It will save your life.

lovbob
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jeannegibbs Jun 2011
Maxine, is there a reason for this behavior, or does it seem to be totally unprovoked? Has Mom's behavior changed in other ways? Are you Mom's caregiver? Has she been diagnosed with dementia or mild cognitive impairment? More information would help people provide more answers.
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SherriSab Jun 2011
Dear Maxine, Behaviour changes are one of the first signs of Dementia. I take care of my mother in law and actually 10 years before she was formally diagnosed she had alienated most of the family. We didn't understand what was going on with her and she was also dealing with the sickness (cancer) and death of my father in law. Now that I look back, I think she was also depressed and this makes things even worse. She had never worked and had very few friends. She had very strange behavior. She went to her brother in laws funeral and jumped all over her own brother. I had told the family I felt she was having problems but it took some time to get her diagnosed and we finally got the answers we were looking for when I had a Geriatric Assessment completed. Ask your doctor about this. It is very important that if she is having some kind of mental decline, that medication is started. This does slow down the progression in the beginning as long as they take the meds. (or at least this is how it worked with mom). They can also monitor depression, which can really help also.
If you have these answers, it is easier to understand. Her friend must be devastated. Mom hasn't talked to her one son in years. He doesn't understand how she can say some of the things that she does so he just stays away. But the thing is that these times come and go and then they don't even remember what had happened.
I hope this helps you...Let me know if I can help...Sherri
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MiaMadre Jun 2011
Without more information this is hard to answer. What is your mother's age and health condition? Does she have Alzheimer's or dementia? Is there a reason for the riff? If you know your mothers friend, then sit and talk to her friend.

if your mother is of sound mind and chooses to end a 50 yr friendship... there is little you can do. What would your mother do if you were ending a long LONG friendship?

Although we don't want anyone to be without friends, sometimes things DO happen. Try to be supportive and understanding is all you can do!
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