How do you help an 87 year old woman understand she is recovering from hip surgery and needs 24/7 hour care?

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Hearing it from someone else is a good idea.
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Carefully, thoroughly AND PROBABLY MORE THAN ONCE. and IF SHE BALKS DON'T HESITATE TO ASK A DOCTOR OR NURSE TO EXPLAIN IT TOO HER, SOMETIMES THE EXTRA AUTHORITY HELPS A LOT!
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I ALSO brought my Mom right home after her hip surgery. It was a lot of work but if she has dementia, if you dont, its possible she may not walk again. My Dr told me I saved Mom from deep depression and my Mom not only walked , but danced again, and has no walker. Being in a rehab can cause deep depression, along with the major bone break, and a lot give up and dont walk again, She was there a week and I would come and see that they had left her on the toilet, or she was crying as they washed her uncaringly, etc. and this is a very reputable rehab too. She was 86 when she broke hers with minor dementia, but the dementia worsened as she recovered. Doc said one face, on place, is best.Good luck, do whatever you would want for yourself, thats how I look at things. If her Mind is Happy, she Will Heal and walk again, if its not, she may not.
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I would say to do the best you can for your Mom, such as bring her pictures from home, bathrobe, flowers, cards and visit. When it is time to go tell her that you will see her the next time that you will be back. This is what I did for my Mother (she did understand). If your Mom cannot understand your leaving, maybe wait until dinner time and take her to the dinning room if she is able to sit up and eat with others. Then, slip away. You cannot let yourself feel guilty. You do the best you can and let it go. When the guilt comes back, shoo it away! You just have to give yourself credit for being as kind and loving as you can. It is wearing on you, as we all understand. We cannot do all we want to. So, love yourself and be refreshed so that the next time you see Mom you can put on a cheery face. Keep reminding her when she will be going home. My Mom was in the NH for a month and then I told them I wanted to take her home, with her Primary Care doctor's consensus. Her surgeon did not want her in NH, but I knew I could not give her all the care she needed. When she came home the PT, nurses aide, and nurses made their visits and in a month she was back on her feet. She had a bowel resection. She is almost 94 and still playing music for other people in NH. It will be OK! Don't get down on yourself and don't wear yourself completely out.
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She probably wants your help. Like the other answers above. My mom went to inpatient rehab and loved it but the insurance pays for a limited time so the suggestion for CNA's is a good one. I just got my license last year at 58 and we're trained to help with range of motion exercises etc. Your home health care agency also has physical therapist available as well as licensed LPN and RN's. You have to keep your health first, I just put my mom in an assisting living home and now she needs a nursing home and morphine therapy. If you end up caring for her mobility is important, keep up her diet and fluids and maybe consider using "depends" while she's recuperating as trips to the bathroom may be difficult. Don't feel guilty afterall you're doing what's the best for both of you. Margaret
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Does she have dementia?

Does she not understand that she just had hip surgery?

My mother's dementia worked against her recovery last May from hip surgery for like her mother she gave up. Her dementia has declined to the point where she thinks that she has gone in and out of the nursing home at will as well as the physical therapy people have not worked with her. They have, but she wants to be begged into cooperating.

I wish you well.
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My 88 year old mom broke her hip late April. She lived alone. She has no demenia and is very alert. She went to rehab after the surgery and actually loved it. She loved the fact that she was getting "catered to" by staff. They were concerned about her, had her meals brought to her and basically could just sit around and be catered to, until she rang the call bell and would be catered to some more! After her 100 days were used up in rehab, even though the drs. felt she could return home, she actually wanted to go to an Assisted Living - where she knew she would be catered to some more. So I guess it all depends on the individual. It did make it easier for me that's for sure!
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I don't know what your situation is, but I actually brought my Mom right home from the hospital after her hip surgery. It was a lot of work with changing bandages and doing the physical therapy daily, but I just could not send her to rehab. My family doctor actually told me that she would probably receive better care at home then at the NH rehab. I have a home health care agency in my area that is paid for thru medicare and they sent CNA's, RN's and a PT to my home twice a week. By being at home I was able to give her more one on one and her surgeon was amazed at how quickly and well she recovered. As I said it was a lot of work, but I have no regrets. My 82 year old Dad lives with me as well and I still made out O.K. Let me know if you need any advise. I am by no means a professional anything, but I have been there and sometimes it helps to have someone who has been in the same situation to talk too. Good Luck.
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