How do I deal with my elderly mother who won't speak to us because we took her car keys due to poor vision and pain medication?

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Hello Julie, you have my sympathy , first of all. My husband and I have been in your shoes. Since we, as the adult children, are the people who love our parents the most (presumably) and care about their welfare the most, we are doing the best we can to look out for their safety, welfare, etc. We have to make certain judgments and decisions that sometimes are tough, and we don't always end up "pleasing" our parents by making those decisions. ( and we can also be cast as the "villain" ----just ignore this....) In our case, my husband and I ( and other relatives who came to us pleading to get Dad to stop driving) encountered "blockage" from my mother who staunchly opposed us and even said : "If your father can't drive, he'd just as soon be dead." Wow--that's pulling out the big guns! We were about to plow through Mom's protestations, and then she passed away. At that point, we told Dad it was time to stop, he got angry, then he got over it. I support you , Julie, you are doing right by your mother, whom you love and care for. You can come here for the support you need. I do understand that support and sympathy can often feel in short supply out there.
Julie, your mom will eventually get over it. Right now she's upset and scared because she realizes she can't do what she's always done. Ask her how she'd feel if she caused a wreck and killed another person. Makes sure she knows she won't be confined, that she'll still be out and about, just with someone else doing the driving.
My mom has many illnesses but the main concern I had was that she'd let her diabetes get out of control and black out. We told it was time to hang up the keys and she agreed. That's the one and only time she ever agreed with us or did as we asked. She started telling everyone it was her idea to stop driving. We didn't care, we were just happy she was off the road.
I hope your mom comes around soon. But you have to be in charge right now and she'll have no choice but to accept it. All of us have to give up stuff sometime in our life,that's just the way it is.
My mother-in-law still says that the doctor tore up her drivers license right in front of her! Which is totally bogus, but that's how she remembers the day that he did tell her that she probably shouldn't be driving anymore. Point is, your mother will get over it eventually. She just needs someone to blame for her poor eye sight.
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My Mom took a spill yesterday and has ended up with a cracked hip. I hate for this to happen as she is now even in more pain. This has set up the time to take on some of the issues at hand, One of them is the driving. I had to wait for something like this to happen, where you took the bull by the horns all by itself. I commend you. You have done what needs to be done. Hopefully she will get over it and accept it. This, too, shall pass. Good for you!!
You did the right ting s not letting your parent drive when it was unsafe some adult children do nor understand how dangerous for the eldery to drive my MIL never had to take a driving test-her family was very important and she was a terrible driver but the husbsnd did not listen thank goodness she was in a nursing home before she had more than one accident my son and I stopped my husband from driving and he could not even get in a car by himself at that time-I told him I would not ride with him and if he took the car out alone I was going to call the police.

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