I'm 66-years-old and single. How do I tell my mother that I am going on a date without her getting mad?

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i would say NOT to tell her when you are out with a man, Just explain that you are going out. Period.
Her fear is that she will lose you and your companionship with her if you find someone you can be close with, understand that- and you should be able to live as much of a life as you can while still reassuring her of your commitment and concern for her.
I agree - don't tell your mother that you are going on a date. It will only upset her and make her fear that she will lose you. If a relationship with a man gets serious, then would be the time to tell you mother and quickly assure her that you are still committed to your relationship with her as well.

Most people show anger when they are afraid. Sincere reassurance can make the situation much much better.
This is a subject that I have been too embarrassed to ask about.
I am 62 single and care for both my parents in their condo in Florida.
I moved here 18 months ago to do this.

I would like to find a special man...but fear no one will want me because of my situation caring for them. I can get out with notice...have to make sure their needs are met before I leave. They get so excited when I go out a few hours with girlfriends to dinner or to dance...don't think they would be against me dating. They know I won't leave them...I promised them "For better or worse...till death us do part" Someday they know they will be going to a nursing home. They're in their 80's.
My concern is would a man avoid me because I am not free like most women my age? There I have said it....when is my turn for happiness.
Moonbeam, I am so happy for you!
You know, it's funny. After that last bit of advice I gave, I have to admit that I don't date either- not only because of how hard it would be to find someone willing to put up with my situation with mom, but also because i know that mom would do everything she can to make it all more difficult.
I'm 47 yrs old and have put my entire life, carreer, socialization, everything! on hold to keep mom at home for the duration. It's hard sometimes not to be resentful and to remember that this was ultimately my choice.
Are you both so sure it has to be either/or - all or nothing? Why can't you have a social life and care for your parents?
And - another perspective - going out on a date does not mean an ultimate, complete relationship. You can simply go out to dinner and have a good time! You don't have to decide before socializing if it is going to interrupt your whole life style! Relax - accept people's friendship and stay with the moment. You can have fun and still be a loving caregiver.
Thank you, Elizza! Your aren't the first to tell me that I need to relax a little. I guess for a single man who's never been a father, it's a bit difficult to ease into this kind of responsibility.
I promise I'll try to take things a little less ....seriously.
It seems so easy to put the people we love before ourselves, to me it just seems like a natural thing. It starts with having children. I don't know how many times my husband and I have put our son (only child) first when it came to what he wanted to do, over what we had planned already. Our son did NOT turn out to be a spoiled brat, but he did always come first with our attention. Then he got married and left the nest. A short time after he did, I started looking around at a few people our age who's kids were gone from home, and realized how alone and unhappy they were. They put their romantic lives on hold for so long, that they didn't know what to do anymore. Now it's again happening at my age, only this time it's being the parent to a parent. My husband and I re-lit the spark after our son left, but it was a pain to be honest. Having an aging ill parent is kinda like having children, they are gonna leave sooner or later. Question is, will you put your love lives on pause like the TV remote, or keep your foot in the game so that when you are alone finally, you don't feel like throwing in the towel and giving up the quest for love. We had enough time to get back the spark after our son left home because we were younger and I was DETERMINED, but to have to wait another 10 years or so now, it might not have happened. Short story long... don't wait. Go for it!
Moonbeam -
My mother had the same kind of misgivings when I started dating after 5 years of not seeing anyone. I did not make a big deal of it. I just started going out with my boyfriend and reassured her that I would be there for her. After a month or so I brought him home to dinner and we all played Crazy Eights. Yes – she was worried but I think that acting very matter-of-factly helped. I won’t say we didn’t have fights about it because she never came out and said she was worried about losing me; instead she latched on to any other little thing that she could to point out that he would not be right for me. But I found that keeping calm was my best bet and not letting her sidetrack the conversation. When you do get to the point where you want to talk about it – mention that just because you date someone doesn’t mean that the logical conclusion is marriage. Heck you might just want to get out of the house once in a while. Also my boyfriend and I have continued to do things with my mother so that she saw we could all benefit by the relationship. I know that some parents are more difficult than others but this is doable.

Ted and timmyk48 – Don’t count yourself out of dating before you even try! You never know who you might meet. My boyfriend (who now lives with us) has been so good and such a help. Sure you might meet someone who doesn’t want to deal with the fact that you can’t go out on a moment’s notice or who frankly doesn’t like old people – but if they really like you they will put up with it. I think as people get older that are much more willing to make sacrifices. So start slowly – introduce them to your parents in a setting you can all enjoy – and good luck!
Hi-Some very good reply's here

I personally think it is possible that your Mom would be jealous if you were to date,as it could possibly mean you would show her less attention--Or is she just being over-protective ` as a Mom?

As a former caregiver myself- I have come to realize that it is very important. that in order to remain affective-we also need some time for ourself-dating or othrwise. So, if possible, take this one step at a time, and do not forget about YOU!-your health, or your social life (whatever it may be)..And drop any guilt feelings to do so. For each minute-or hour we spend as just caregiving-is the time we can never get back-


Moonbeam, I wonder if the "golddigger" aspect has something to do with your mother's anger at you looking at some guy. At Our Age, if you marry someone this late in life, it could be like handing your inheritance over to an almost complete stranger. I cringe to think that my mother's $ will be shared even one cent with my sister's husband...and good grief, wonder if he survives her and lives off Mom's money for the rest of his life. (He is an absolute creep and pathological liar, and is mean to my sis.) Luckily, sister #2 just divorced her drunken creep, but she just can't do without a drunk in her life, so waiting for the next stage on her.

So, it's none of my business really, but the thought of those guys getting any of Mom's money makes me fume. Perhaps that is what is going on in your mother's mind.

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