She fakes attacks of not being able to breathe when we tell her she cant do things like climb on the roof, or put her leg on the tail pipe of the car or have a space heater because my insurance does not cover it, she just says we could get in big trouble. We dont always give in but when we have called 9-1-1 she threatens to sue and calls attorneys because we are not respecting her. She has overdosed on neurotin and attacked me for not letting her open my mail. She tells me I am neglecting her when I work, I work out of my home and she keeps me from working and she gets very upset when I tell her she can't bother me. Its draining on us. We seem to just have adopted a let her do whatever she wants to avoid the complaints attitude because there is no reasoning with her she is not capable of understanding. I dont know what to do, I cant make her not do things and I am terrified she is going to hurt herself or kill all of us because she thinks the world is evil.
I'm not trying to be funny but can you go into a little more detail about your mom and your circumstances.
I'm new to this site but I've learned a tremendous amount from these caring and most informative people who respond and if you can be a little more specific, I'm sure you'll find a lot of helpful advise here too.
You most likely reported her behaivior to her MD if nothing else could take her to an ER to get her assesd or maybe even call the police because she is threatening your family if she acts like this with EMT's they would take her to a physh department and it would be out of your hands it sounds like she needs serious help -please continue on this site there are so many caring supportive people here who want to help you.
Mom is actually my mother-in-law. For many years I thought she was just very stubborn and yet had a big heart. there is a history of bipolar but she has not been diagnosed I dont think. We are just now starting to find out what is wrong with her. We have been talking to doctors etc. She is depressed, suffers anxiety, and is extreme OCD. Today we found out that to complicate things she is not capable of learning new things because of low intelligence. I am so distraught, I love her, I want to take care of her but she truly hurting my children because everything is a fight, she is unable to make decisions and when she does make one she changes her mind multiple times and calls people over and over again trying to find out "something". The other side of her is so sweet and innocent but when she attacks it is hard to take. I am 37 and I think there is alot of years ahead. She doesnt want us "butting" in on her care and she seems unable to understand that we cant just pay for everything. I dont let her pay for much except her basic needs because she forgets she spent the money. We have no idea where her moeny is and dont want to know but then again I want her to have the things she needs but she obbsessed with storing things for the end of the world and wants another storage building to store water in and more food, cat litter and cat food. She doesnt do much socially except talk on the phone and go to the store multiple times buying enough food to feed a small town for a couple of years. When we tell her no to something she gets angry then says we are fighting with her and eventaully her cat gets sick and its my fault almost always and she spends thousands and thousands to save the cat. Very difficult.
Thank you for reading, I am moving towards depression myself and my 15 year old is so upset all the time that we are going to start counseling. She seems to resent me and the kids. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I want to help her and I dont want to see her in a nursing home but it is very difficult.
Yes we are starting to talk to doctors, and seek guidance. She typically refuses care and the deputys always leave it up to us and I never press the behaivor but the "episodes" are getting closer and closer together.
I think it is time for something drastic to be done I would call anybody who might be able to help you get her out of your house-it sounds like she lives there and if she does live alone someone has to step in apparntly the deputies are not helping it sounds like a crisis situation have you called 911 and reported her if she lives with you you might have leave the house and call someone to get her into a hospital situaition like a mental health clinic is does not sound like you are safe from this women.
I have not pushed, I am always afraid its me that I am just not trying hard enough, that I need to be more patient. I promised my father-in-law before he died that I would care for her. Today though I am starting to see that I have allowed her too much freedom. I dont think she should have ever had any but she hid medical records etc and when we would take off to take her to appointments she would cancel them. Now we are actively engaged because she is so bad at times. It is very hard and very sad and weighs heavily on my heart. I do fear her, I fear with her obsession of "the end time" and the "devil" that when she thinks the kids and I are evil that she really could take our lives. Thank you for your comments, it is so helpful to talk about it.
Are you able to place her in a facility? Do you have a POA? Any siblings? It sounds like she's incompetent and a danger to herself and to you and your family.
Why are you calling 911?
Call the attorneys yourself and tell them what's up and to not take her calls.
Meds meds meds and you have to hand them out...she cannot take them herself.
My mother was the queen nightmare when I first had to intervene in her life 5+ years ago. It was heartbreaking, gross, and stressful beyond anything I have ever experienced. I was amazed.
I didn't realize what dementia was at first. Even after expert diagnoses, witnessing my mom's behavior and my research verifying the diagnoses and my observations, It tood a doctor who, after I complained about mom's behavior, snapped at me: She's demented. What do you expect?
That was a moment because I replayed it over and over in my mind and that was the beginning of my understanding that my mother's 'noise' no longer mattered, nothing mattered except figuring out the best way to diagnose and bring under control the situation. I love my mom very much or I wouldn't be able to do this, but it took a lot of tough love to get her to where she was content and happy and not stressing us all out. We do get grossed out on a regular basis, but that's another topic.
My mom was toxic with her acting out and threatening, for almost 2 years, calling her friends (who were stupid enough to believe her) and telling them how I was 'taking over' and 'making it worse' Adult Services actually came over. It ended up scaring her more than it did me. I was of the opinion that if someone else wanted to take care of this witch with her nasty personality maybe it would be for the best and I had to let mom know it. Mom didn't want a state retirement and calmed down.
The Adult Services person sized up the situation quickly and realized that mom was acting out and after a very short time, left. I took that opportunity to become very proactive and NOT let mom do whatever she wanted. I told her to her face many times that if she didn't want to go to a facility she was going to have to be pleasant to live with. Period. She was out of her mind and it didn't happen overnight but she did become pleasant to be with and I am thankful.
What meds is your mom on? It's fear based dementia behavior! When we started my mom on Namenda the change in her was immediate. She mellowed considerably with only sporadic outbursts and these days has no outbursts at all except for sticking her lip out and making a puss every now and again.
the dementia has progressed and mom has other issues such as getting to the head on time and making sure I feed her 7 times a day. I swear she has a hollow leg. Those little applesauce cups and yogurt cups, pudding, you name it come in real handy. I used food to calm mom down in the beginning and now I just had her little things like the above throughout the course fo the day. It makes her feel safe and loved.
Your mom thinks the world is evil because she's demented. My mom went through the evil phase. Anything you do you have to remember: she's DEMENTED so she's going to do demented things. It's not going to make sense so you do what you have to do to make it make sense for you and your family. Our moms think that we are only here for them but that was another thing I kept saying to my mom is that this is NOT just about you. It's affecting all of us and I have to make decisions based on all of us.
Good luck and we hope you get control of the situation.
This site is full of people who have experienced everything so you will get a lot of info.
By all means when it comes to our children, it's out job to protect them. Things are hard enough out in their world let alone home situations coming up short.
I'd have to agree with Austin. They do have what can be deemed as a 5150 meaning they are a danger to themselves and others. It's hard to believe the deputies aren't taking more action but believe me if you do not think they are doing what they SHOULD be doing you can always call the station and ask for the Watch Commander and explain the situation to he or she. That's the person in command of the field officers. The can call what's called the PET (Psychiatric Evaluation team) to haul her away and evaluate her. I'd suggest you do that every time.
Your kids don't need that xtra stress at home, and neither do you.
No the deupties are wonderful and leave it up to us. She usually switches to the "poor me" mode when they arrive and jsut threatens us with the whole "big trouble" and to "sue" us. Then she cries and says she is so depressed and needs "daddy" my father in law who died. She switches to pitiful and my heart breaks then they leave and she gets mad again. She palys me very well. My husband is more then ready to have her evaluated.
The PET Team will notify DPSS, Dept of Social Services. Believe me they're aware of the games people play. Listen to your husband, isn't it his mother. He's been around her a lot longer than you.
But believe me, I know it's easier to say than to do. I'm sure more suggestions will follow.
Maybe your husband -her son has to be the one to get help for her it sounds like she has you all in a very bad situation -could you and your daughter go and stay with someone-family or friends and let her son do something so you do not have to live in fear the way you are now-I am really worried about you and your child-your husband probably can take care of himself but you need to protect yourself and your child esp. since your husband does not seem to be in any hurry to do it or he would have before things got so out of hand.
Thank you for the support. Yes he has been around her a long time but his dad always protected her is what we are begining to understand. Yes, I will allow my husband to handle the situation. This has been so helpful. I thought I was the crazy one, selfish and completely uncaring for feeling like I was in danger and wanting my children to be protected. Thank you all so much
good for you. You now see how these folks can manipulate the socks off of us.
I have a Power of Attorney for my mom. About a year into it I found a older lady attorney whe explained it so well to mom. It was an emotional moment and we all cried.
I've seen some great suggestions here. Protect yourself and your children.
This aint the movies and that deathbed promise you made to your father in law could be forgiven you know. He knew she was a nightmare and I'm sure deep down would not want his son, wife and grandchildren suffer through this.
I will tell you this. I love my mom like I said but if I had this to do again and I knew how hard it was going to be (5+ years) and how much of my health I would lose over this, I would have placed my mom a long time ago for the good of both of us.
Now we are on the other side of a lot of heartbreak and hard work. We both have our routine and we are calm and it's not so bad because the dementia has taken the broken personality away and what is left is a sweet lady.
While you're waiting for everything to start happening, get locks for your bedroom doors. And some duct tape if it gets too out of hand!!
Dear tracichudej, you tell our story, and I am so thankful you posted on this site! We, too, have experienced some of what you write. My mother called the police on me after verbally and physically attacking me. She called all her friends, and they don't even want to listen to me, and she's got a lawyer she pays $$$$$ so she can have her way. Recently she got a new guardian and conservator who will care for her. This is part of God's protection for me and my family... I do NOT recommend guardianship or anything to do with the Probate Court. My mom will now lose everything from my parent's estate to paying the lawyers for her cognitive issues. You need sound legal advice. It is your husband's responsibility to care for her, and that doesn't mean your house. Do not sacrifice yourself or loved ones for her. She needs help and so do you. You are NOT the one with mental issues and hers need to be evaluated by a competent professional. Not all are competent.
The advice the ladies have given to you has been so wonderful and encouraging. I would add that you need to protect yourself and your children above all else. I just read the book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells," and it is right on target for you, too. It will help you. I ordered it online. You may want to video tape your mother's episodes, and tape her conversations. This is your protection against "her word against yours."
I have learned everything the hard way, and too late. So now the system is taking over and I can't stop that. Understanding helps me move on, knowing that my mom's basic needs are being cared for. She wouldn't work with us. No matter what good things we did for her, she always criticized and complained. That is part of their mental illness. Now I'm trying to extricate myself from her clutches and regain the peace we had in our little family. Caring for mom took me away from being a loving and nurturing mom to my little boy. He needs his mommy, and I can't be mommy to both. I owe it to my husband and son and to God to look after that little boy and raise him safely.
My mom needs help, but refuses to comply or be evaluated by professionals. Rather, she finds people who want to ignore my observations and reports, enable her in her paranoia and ODC and Personality Disorders. The courts are responsible for her now, at her request. She doesn't realize what she's done, nor how much we tried to save her from.
Remember this, few people will understand what you've been through. The few that do are the ones who are encouraging you here, and some professionals who understand all about mental illness. Listen well and follow their advice. And definitely protect yourself and children. Go to BPD Central for online support groups, and get the help you need for you and your family asap!!!!! Don't be a statistic. Taking care of someone doesn't always mean it has to be in your home where you sacrifice everything to them. Just make sure their needs are met in an honoring way, and she gets the professional help she needs. Doing nothing only makes matters worse. And they do get worse without intervention.
So glad you posted this thread. Please keep us posted on how things go.
bobbi, I so needed your wisdom before things got so out of hand with my mom. We did not know the damage she was creating behind our backs, all the while thinking we were doing all the "right" things. I had no idea how bad my mother's mental condition was, and questioned myself. Your words on this thread have helped me tremendously. Since mom has already threatened us, called the police on me, and has many people believing her and not me, I am most concerned right now with protecting me. We have been living in the middle of a nightmare! I needed to read everything here as confirmation that it really is her and not me who's the problem. Why are others so quick to judge us and not see the behaviors of the one who's acting out?
It makes me cry for all we've been through, but I am gaining more understanding every day of why. It may be completely out of my hands at this point concerning my mom, but it's not too late to regain my own stability and sanity, and be a full-time wife and mom again. We learned everything the hard way, but at least we're learning.
I give credit to this site and the wisdom from you wonderful Caregivers who have taught me so much. Thank you all!!!
tracichudej, I am praying for you and your loved ones. Please take care of you.
Bobbi and Secreat sister I am so glad you boyh told it as you did I was afraid my thought were too hard on her because she did not seem to understand how serious the problem is and am so glad you both told her what she needs to know it amazes me how one little old lady can cause so much hurt and trouble I see it myself in my Mom when I visit her esp. now she gives me firey arrows-she is turning her grandkids-adults away from her and she says she loves them but they do not want to be around us of her kids have to be but they do not and she does not see this-it hurts me because I am newly away from that with the husband and am still healing from that and being thrown back into the frey-only I feel I have to take her digs because of her age and her health problems and know I can get away sooner or later,
Your mother definitely needs help although she may not want it. It sounds much like she is in one of the stages of Alzheimers or Dementia. There are good homes now strictly for these elderly with these kind of problems. My daughter is Administrator of several homes strictly to admimistrat to those with Alzheimers and try to give them guidance in their last years. Check into Medicare or Medicaid. They also counsel and guide those of the family who do not understand their actions.
I speak for personal experience. This seems to be a topic that is not brought up much but needs to be addressed. Parents accusing there children of being abusive to them. . My mother God, bless her soul alone because of her own lies and went to great attempts to try to cover her tracks to make the lies so. My advice is your mother needs an evaluation and follow up on it. You come across doctors that unfortunetly blow you off when you bring it up,if they ignore you then go to probate court and apply for a mental evaluation. You need two witnesses to do this. If it is a game your mother is playing then back off. The devistation an elderly parent who is not mentally well can ruin your reputation and demish your finaces. It is not worth the approval that she disires. The price is to high. Believe me it is not worth it!
I am so sorry you are going through this. You truly seem to care about everyone involved. I am very concerned about your children. The Dept. of Family and Children Services might become involved if someone at school feels that your children are in danger.Almost all states have a law that requires teachers to report any type of domestic violence or potential violence in the home. As a teacher, I would have to report any story I heard from a child that involved some of the situations you have described.Toxic grandparents are a serious problem for children and can leave emotional issues with your children. If you have to make a decision about what to do in this situation, just try to remember that your children are your first priority. Medication could make an enormous difference with your mom. Try to explore this option today, if you can, even if you have to go to the ER. Ask for hospitalization until the meds are working for your mother-in-law.Start telling doctors about what you are telling us. They are mandated to help you. I understand the type of promise you made to your father-in-law. I made the same promise to my father. Try to keep in mind that looking after someone means helping them to feel as well as they can and as happy as they can under the circumstances. You are already loving her and that is the most important issue. You are in my prayers.
T - If it were my mom, I'd move her to assisted living ASAP. RLP is absolutely right; your kids are being impacted. I've been in THEIR shoes when grandpa lived with us (I as 10) - I felt like I was unwelcome in my own home. I was ashamed to have friends over, I hid out in my room, I was afraid of him and thus other older adults. My dad didn't want to come home either so it left my Mom all alone to help him. He became ill and had to move out after a year but it was the year from hell for all of us.
You CAN be a good daughter and have mom live elsewhere. Contact your local area agency on aging for help to find a place where she can live. Best of luck!! Let us know how it goes and ask for support along the way!
The problem being everyone thinks I was abusive to my mother but that was not the case. It was from early on that her abuse started with me as a child. She only finished it by saying in her will I did not care at all for her. How that tore my heart out. Every step of the way I was always there for her only for her to say this in a statement at the very end.
1, Your mother needs a complete psychological evaluation.
2..It sounds like she is a danger to you and to your children.
3. Subjecting the children to this environment is both neglect and abuse.
4. She's no different now than as when you were a child which tells me that your mother very likely has an undiagnosed personality disorder.
5. You didn't make your mom this way. You can control how your mom is. You can't fix how your mom is. I suggest say this a few times everyday until it really sinks in.
6. What you can do is chose a healthy path for yourself and your children regardless of who does or does not chose a similar path.
7. # 5 and #6 sound harsh but they are very true and they form the foundation for getting you and your children out of this sticky web created by your mother that she wants to act and claim that she is the victim of.
8. "Everyone" is exactly who and how many are they? For sure, someone knows the contrary about now and about your childhood.
9. Hope again all odds, but the reality is you will never earn her love and that might be why you are willing to put up with her crap now.
10. Save yourself and your children by getting her out of there.
That's funny I had brought it up to her theopist. They blew it off. She died by the way in June. No one would address the issue while she was alive. It caused her to die by herself. Not by my choice. I loved her unconditionally, but it meant nothing to her.
I do however pray for the inocent victims of children and adult children of abusive parents. If you think it is abuse then it is. I only wish that others will see this and stop and think that they would not have to put up with it anymore. I am 47 years old and I was too ashamed to address it with a health care professional for my mom, thinking they would not beleive me. I did not go to anyone when I was younger because I did not know who to go to. My mother had me totally convinced that it was not abuse.
I don't understand why promising someone before they die that they will 'take care' of someone, seems to always mean that they have to be taken care of in the persons home. I think to 'take care' of someone should mean just that, that they are being taken care of, either at home, nursing home, asst living, foster care whatever. period.
People do pay attention to the abuse issue now more than a few decades ago. I guess your mom hid her abuse of you from your dad very well like my mother did hide what she did to me from my step-father who was such an alcoholic that was not much of a challenge and why I'm sure she married him. I'm sorry you didn't know who to go to. My wife got in royal trouble when she told a teacher what was going on at home and nothing was pursued further. When I was in the 6th grade right after my mother had married my step dad, someone from school sent a social worker over to check on my family because of some observations at school, but like with my wife nothing took place.
I'm 53 and just now coming to terms with and having flashbacks about my mother's abuse of me which she made me feel was normal as well. Frankly, I'll be glad when my mom dies. I feel like that I deserves for her to die soon. Just tonight, I've written another verse for my "Mammas Don't Raise Up Your Sons To Be Substitute Spouses" song that I wrote last week. It's to the tune of "Mammas don't let your boys grow up to be cowboys"
I wish you the best as you deal with your own painful mess.
I'm new to this site but I've learned a tremendous amount from these caring and most informative people who respond and if you can be a little more specific, I'm sure you'll find a lot of helpful advise here too.
Thank you for reading, I am moving towards depression myself and my 15 year old is so upset all the time that we are going to start counseling. She seems to resent me and the kids. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I want to help her and I dont want to see her in a nursing home but it is very difficult.
Do you have a POA? Any siblings? It sounds like she's incompetent and a danger to herself and to you and your family.
Why are you calling 911?
Call the attorneys yourself and tell them what's up and to not take her calls.
Meds meds meds and you have to hand them out...she cannot take them herself.
My mother was the queen nightmare when I first had to intervene in her life 5+ years ago. It was heartbreaking, gross, and stressful beyond anything I have ever experienced. I was amazed.
I didn't realize what dementia was at first. Even after expert diagnoses, witnessing my mom's behavior and my research verifying the diagnoses and my observations, It tood a doctor who, after I complained about mom's behavior, snapped at me: She's demented. What do you expect?
That was a moment because I replayed it over and over in my mind and that was the beginning of my understanding that my mother's 'noise' no longer mattered, nothing mattered except figuring out the best way to diagnose and bring under control the situation. I love my mom very much or I wouldn't be able to do this, but it took a lot of tough love to get her to where she was content and happy and not stressing us all out. We do get grossed out on a regular basis, but that's another topic.
My mom was toxic with her acting out and threatening, for almost 2 years, calling her friends (who were stupid enough to believe her) and telling them how I was 'taking over' and 'making it worse' Adult Services actually came over. It ended up scaring her more than it did me. I was of the opinion that if someone else wanted to take care of this witch with her nasty personality maybe it would be for the best and I had to let mom know it. Mom didn't want a state retirement and calmed down.
The Adult Services person sized up the situation quickly and realized that mom was acting out and after a very short time, left. I took that opportunity to become very proactive and NOT let mom do whatever she wanted. I told her to her face many times that if she didn't want to go to a facility she was going to have to be pleasant to live with. Period. She was out of her mind and it didn't happen overnight but she did become pleasant to be with and I am thankful.
What meds is your mom on? It's fear based dementia behavior! When we started my mom on Namenda the change in her was immediate. She mellowed considerably with only sporadic outbursts and these days has no outbursts at all except for sticking her lip out and making a puss every now and again.
the dementia has progressed and mom has other issues such as getting to the head on time and making sure I feed her 7 times a day. I swear she has a hollow leg. Those little applesauce cups and yogurt cups, pudding, you name it come in real handy. I used food to calm mom down in the beginning and now I just had her little things like the above throughout the course fo the day. It makes her feel safe and loved.
Your mom thinks the world is evil because she's demented. My mom went through the evil phase. Anything you do you have to remember: she's DEMENTED so she's going to do demented things. It's not going to make sense so you do what you have to do to make it make sense for you and your family. Our moms think that we are only here for them but that was another thing I kept saying to my mom is that this is NOT just about you. It's affecting all of us and I have to make decisions based on all of us.
Good luck and we hope you get control of the situation.
This site is full of people who have experienced everything so you will get a lot of info.
you can do this,
Bobbie
I'd have to agree with Austin. They do have what can be deemed as a 5150 meaning they are a danger to themselves and others. It's hard to believe the deputies aren't taking more action but believe me if you do not think they are doing what they SHOULD be doing you can always call the station and ask for the Watch Commander and explain the situation to he or she. That's the person in command of the field officers. The can call what's called the PET (Psychiatric Evaluation team) to haul her away and evaluate her. I'd suggest you do that every time.
Your kids don't need that xtra stress at home, and neither do you.
Keep us posted.
But believe me, I know it's easier to say than to do. I'm sure more suggestions will follow.
good for you. You now see how these folks can manipulate the socks off of us.
I have a Power of Attorney for my mom. About a year into it I found a older lady attorney whe explained it so well to mom. It was an emotional moment and we all cried.
I've seen some great suggestions here. Protect yourself and your children.
This aint the movies and that deathbed promise you made to your father in law could be forgiven you know. He knew she was a nightmare and I'm sure deep down would not want his son, wife and grandchildren suffer through this.
I will tell you this. I love my mom like I said but if I had this to do again and I knew how hard it was going to be (5+ years) and how much of my health I would lose over this, I would have placed my mom a long time ago for the good of both of us.
Now we are on the other side of a lot of heartbreak and hard work. We both have our routine and we are calm and it's not so bad because the dementia has taken the broken personality away and what is left is a sweet lady.
While you're waiting for everything to start happening, get locks for your bedroom doors. And some duct tape if it gets too out of hand!!
Kidding.....
Hang in there.
Bobbie
The advice the ladies have given to you has been so wonderful and encouraging. I would add that you need to protect yourself and your children above all else. I just read the book, "Stop Walking on Eggshells," and it is right on target for you, too. It will help you. I ordered it online. You may want to video tape your mother's episodes, and tape her conversations. This is your protection against "her word against yours."
I have learned everything the hard way, and too late. So now the system is taking over and I can't stop that. Understanding helps me move on, knowing that my mom's basic needs are being cared for. She wouldn't work with us. No matter what good things we did for her, she always criticized and complained. That is part of their mental illness. Now I'm trying to extricate myself from her clutches and regain the peace we had in our little family. Caring for mom took me away from being a loving and nurturing mom to my little boy. He needs his mommy, and I can't be mommy to both. I owe it to my husband and son and to God to look after that little boy and raise him safely.
My mom needs help, but refuses to comply or be evaluated by professionals. Rather, she finds people who want to ignore my observations and reports, enable her in her paranoia and ODC and Personality Disorders. The courts are responsible for her now, at her request. She doesn't realize what she's done, nor how much we tried to save her from.
Remember this, few people will understand what you've been through. The few that do are the ones who are encouraging you here, and some professionals who understand all about mental illness. Listen well and follow their advice. And definitely protect yourself and children. Go to BPD Central for online support groups, and get the help you need for you and your family asap!!!!! Don't be a statistic. Taking care of someone doesn't always mean it has to be in your home where you sacrifice everything to them. Just make sure their needs are met in an honoring way, and she gets the professional help she needs. Doing nothing only makes matters worse. And they do get worse without intervention.
So glad you posted this thread. Please keep us posted on how things go.
It makes me cry for all we've been through, but I am gaining more understanding every day of why. It may be completely out of my hands at this point concerning my mom, but it's not too late to regain my own stability and sanity, and be a full-time wife and mom again. We learned everything the hard way, but at least we're learning.
I give credit to this site and the wisdom from you wonderful Caregivers who have taught me so much. Thank you all!!!
tracichudej, I am praying for you and your loved ones. Please take care of you.
It sounds much like she is in one of the stages of Alzheimers or
Dementia. There are good homes now strictly for these elderly
with these kind of problems. My daughter is Administrator of
several homes strictly to admimistrat to those with Alzheimers
and try to give them guidance in their last years. Check into
Medicare or Medicaid. They also counsel and guide those of
the family who do not understand their actions.
. My mother God, bless her soul alone because of her own lies and went to great attempts to try to cover her tracks to make the lies so. My advice is your mother needs an evaluation and follow up on it. You come across doctors that unfortunetly blow you off when you bring it up,if they ignore you then go to probate court and apply for a mental evaluation. You need two witnesses to do this. If it is a game your mother is playing then back off. The devistation an elderly parent who is not mentally well can ruin your reputation and demish your finaces. It is not worth the approval that she disires. The price is to high. Believe me it is not worth it!
Try to explore this option today, if you can, even if you have to go to the ER. Ask for hospitalization until the meds are working for your mother-in-law.Start telling doctors about what you are telling us. They are mandated to help you. I understand the type of promise you made to your father-in-law. I made the same promise to my father. Try to keep in mind that looking after someone means helping them to feel as well as they can and as happy as they can under the circumstances. You are already loving her and that is the most important issue. You are in my prayers.
You CAN be a good daughter and have mom live elsewhere. Contact your local area agency on aging for help to find a place where she can live. Best of luck!! Let us know how it goes and ask for support along the way!
2..It sounds like she is a danger to you and to your children.
3. Subjecting the children to this environment is both neglect and abuse.
4. She's no different now than as when you were a child which tells me that your mother very likely has an undiagnosed personality disorder.
5. You didn't make your mom this way. You can control how your mom is. You can't fix how your mom is. I suggest say this a few times everyday until it really sinks in.
6. What you can do is chose a healthy path for yourself and your children regardless of who does or does not chose a similar path.
7. # 5 and #6 sound harsh but they are very true and they form the foundation for getting you and your children out of this sticky web created by your mother that she wants to act and claim that she is the victim of.
8. "Everyone" is exactly who and how many are they? For sure, someone knows the contrary about now and about your childhood.
9. Hope again all odds, but the reality is you will never earn her love and that might be why you are willing to put up with her crap now.
10. Save yourself and your children by getting her out of there.
People do pay attention to the abuse issue now more than a few decades ago. I guess your mom hid her abuse of you from your dad very well like my mother did hide what she did to me from my step-father who was such an alcoholic that was not much of a challenge and why I'm sure she married him. I'm sorry you didn't know who to go to. My wife got in royal trouble when she told a teacher what was going on at home and nothing was pursued further. When I was in the 6th grade right after my mother had married my step dad, someone from school sent a social worker over to check on my family because of some observations at school, but like with my wife nothing took place.
I'm 53 and just now coming to terms with and having flashbacks about my mother's abuse of me which she made me feel was normal as well. Frankly, I'll be glad when my mom dies. I feel like that I deserves for her to die soon. Just tonight, I've written another verse for my "Mammas Don't Raise Up Your Sons To Be Substitute Spouses" song that I wrote last week. It's to the tune of "Mammas don't let your boys grow up to be cowboys"
I wish you the best as you deal with your own painful mess.