My mother is controlling my children and I through threats of turning us in for elder abuse, what can I do about this?

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I am caring for my wife she has dementia and breast cancer. We have no kids together and her family is harrassing me calling the police saying I dont let them talk to her which is lie they come every weekend and pick her up. I have POA over her healthcare and finances and that is why they are mad now they have called a social worker they came out but nothing was founded her primary care doctor supports me I wanted to know what I need to do to keep her family from attacking me we have been married 40 years. They want to put her in a nursing home can also can they request medical records.
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my situation is extremely sensitive. Two years ago I was run over by an angry man in my driveway. I suffered a mild brain injury and multiple injuries on my legal. I lost memory as to what happened that night and he gave my difficult answers and except for my son, who knows me very well, they decided to be angry at me because of the type of man I was dating for 8 years. They not expressed this before the accident. I had nowhere to go but my 92 year old mothers after I was able to get around on crutches. She let me come back if I promised to sue the man. I did and she allowed me to live with her. I guess there was a part of me hoping she had mellowed and that even though I had injuries I could be assistance to her. She has been horribly hostile towards me and has said many untruths and manipulates me in any way she can. I am getting so tired, but my strength is coming back in spite of this very uncomfortable time. I am paying rent for the room I have here at our family home, I administer her meds, personally spend my own money for her groceries and run errands she needs for me to do. I am leaving in fear due to all the anger she has had against me for whatever reasons since I was a toddler. The other day she fell trying to move a lawn chair and of course I am scared she will turn this story onto me. I'm scared to leave her hear along for fear of not being able to get back to my belongings and that she will tell someone I had abandoned her. I am scared of every breath I take. I have plenty of money to move out, but I am just getting enough strength to get around and can't even how I can come up with the strength to find a place to move to and how to move my belongings and I am 58 years old. My son is now in Africa so it is just me. Is there any protection that I can take to keep from her falsely accusing me of something. She has a very mean and conflicting personality. I just really need help....I want to be able to finish healing so I can get well enough to find a place to move to. I don't choose to stay in this town.
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Time to care for your MIL from a distance - out of your home. Lots of good advice from folks hope you can follow through. Your first and most important job is to protect your children. Good Luck
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when he bought the house she agreed to what was owed, which was more than what the house was worth. When she first bought the house in 1989 it was 45,500. after many refinances she was left owing 54,000 and the house was falling apart. In order to purchase the house he had to also pay off a second mortgage of 8,000 and a water bill of 400. He did this to get her out of debt and to keep us from losing the house so I could be home for her. She is frre to move if she doesnt like the rules. She refuses to go anywhere out of the house and then tells everyone I never let her out or take her anywhere. she tells me she is too proud for people to see her like she is. She does not have the funds to buy the house back thanks to many years of poor decisions. thats why I have always lived here and helped to pay the bills. The purchase took his whole retirement and he is 44. He had found a house for 20,000 and would have rather bought it, but he figured if he was going to buy he should go ahead and purchase this one since he knew I needed to be home with her or risk her going into a nursing home. I had squad people show up for her one day and they said that the way the house was that they were going to put me in jail and remove everyone. She was letting People live her and sleeping on the floor, I worked all the time and my young children looked after her, she was out of control with her hoarding and would not allow me to clean anything of hers. Now, the bills are maintained, house fixed to suffice for now, its clean and easy to get around in. There are no longer drug addicts and homeless people coming and going while stealing everything worth a buck. Everyone should be happy, but thanks to her that just isnt possible. Visitors that have came have loved what we done, but now are against us because we have placed a few minor rules to keep it this way and to be respectful of everyone in the house. She is the only one that even has visitors, my boyfriend and I are loners we are content with the quietness and the drama free lifestyle that we have. I am hoping that a social worker can find us help rather than take an extreme measure. But I just want what is best for her, always have.
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When your BF bought the house, did he pay a fair market price for it? What kind of arrangement was the sale?

If you own the house, you make the rules. Mom is a boarder or a guest in your house. If she feels you are being unfair or abusive, she is free to move, right?

I think you should take the threats of reporting you for abuse seriously. If she does that, even if it isn't true, it can turn your lives upside down for a long time.

What about selling the house back to her and leaving? (After helping her find some other sources of care.)
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I am 35 and my moms caregiver, she has COPD and dementia. My boyfriend bought her house so I could stay home to care for her without the worry of losing the house. She was always calling me home from work because of her anxiety. She has my whole family believing we are cruel to her because we had to make a few house rules for everyone to follow, esp her. before he bought the house she let anyone and everyone come stay here when I supported everyone, did everything and she was ill. She let people come in and out and she was a hoarder. Now it is just me, her, my boyfriend and my 2 kids. no longer 8 people living free in my house and not doing anything to help. We cleaned the house and did repairs. He works odd hours while I am home caring for us. We asked that everyone call before them come to see if its a good time since his hours always change and we dont like surprise guests any day at all hours coming and going as they please. most of the people she allowed her were druggies and drunks. stealing from the house and disrespecting ev1. She truly thinks they care about her well being and she says that us making these changes are abuse and we are doing things that are against the law. We did all this for her and no other reason but family has her convinced that it was for her house and money. I hate this house if it were me I would have bought something else and moved, but she loves this house and she is on a fixed income that takes care of some bills, her food, meds and personal needs. I have POA and she told my cousin to get a lawyer for her so she can take us down. I love her and I am trying so hard to make this work while being fought every inch of the way. she is very verbally abusive towards us esp my 10 year old daughter that she is always very foul mouthed with. My cousin said what I'm doing is against the law, but these people are listening to my mom and refuse to follow house rules by calling first says that we wont let her have company, but in truth company is welcomed. we just want people to call first. Am I doing something wrong? There are times I have to leave for 15 minutes at a time to get my kids and I cant trust her to not open the door to just everyone, so she has been asked not to open the door. she wears her oxygen while lighting cigs and has been told not to. she says she could take us out with her tanks, then laughs and says she wont. I dont feel safe with her cooking because she forgets. Im at my wits end. Am I wrong? she says she dont want to live here anymore, then when I tell her ok I will find you a place to go to. She says yeah just throw me out like garbage you got what you wanted, meaning the house. again I hate this house, I wanted to move. I dont know what to do?
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@ anonomous, lol.
i hope you die a painful death,
i hope you choke on your last breath.
i hope you die and it dont take long,
i hope you die 'fore i end my so-oong..

thats a pinkerd and bowden tune from the bob and tom show. check it out on youtube, its hilarious.. a fellow singing to his ex..
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So let her call the cops or who ever she wants. It sounds like there is something going on with her physically or mentally. If there is nothing going on you don't have a thing to worry about. She will be evalutated and placed in a facility if Doctors feel she is not safe at home. I would call her Dr each time there is an episode.
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Hi, I'm sorry that my post was soooooo long!
I didn't realize it. Margeaux
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