My mother is in an Assisted Living facility and is afraid of one of the other patients on her floor who is a male. What should I do now?

Asked by

I already informed the Nursing Staff and they said that the matter has been handled. Mom says he always wants to shake her hand and it scares her. But the man still worries my mother and often knocks at her door and has come into her room before. Everyone on the floor leaves their door open during the day but closes them at night. I have tried to tell her that he is just being friendly but it does worry me because he seems to be always watching her. What should I do now?

Answers 1 to 6 of 6
Expert Answer
3930 helpful answers
If they said it was handled, can you ask them what steps they have taken? Likely the man is not any threat, and being afraid of another resident isn't unusual. However, if this is seriously affecting your mother, one of them should likely be moved to another floor. Try to get more details about what they've done or can do. They do need to understand that this is serious for your mother. You can contact the long-term care ombudsman for the home (, but hopefully the administration can figure something out before you take that step.
Good luck,
As Carol suggested, I think your mother or this man needs to be moved to another floor or somewhere he cannot bother your mother. I had the reverse happen as my mother was bullying other residents and she had to be moved to another floor. It would be a shame to move your mother if she is happy where she is. I think the man who is causing the problem should be moved.

Usually this type of thing does not just go away - it usually continues and just gets worse. Your poor mother needs piece of mind.
You really should demand a Care Staff meeting at this facility. This is the worst thing that can happen in facilities. And knowing the inside of you personally, I can tell you that the Residents are Not Always watched via staff, for there are schedules, staff coming & going for shift changes, lack of communication, etc...
They have to listen to you as a Concerned Family Member, and do something to end this situation, after all what they charge for your family member to live there they should do Everything within their power to make sure your mother/father, etc... is Safe, Comfortable, Happy there.
In a community setting it is impossible to give "one on one" care. That is not what you are paying for. Just like in a children's day care, you are paying for an oversight management and care of your child. Can things happen? Of course they can. But you can't go into a community setting expecting every nuiance of your loved one's day completely monitored. Setting up false expectations is the first step to setting up bad communications. Nor should a community "over sell and under promise". By all means, have a care conference with your mother and administration and nursing in the same room and collectively come up with a solution. The gentleman could be progressing through the early stages of alzheimer's and needs a diagnosis, or could have something as simple as a UTI infection that is causing him to act out in an unpredictable manner. Your mother's community should have the best interest of all of you at heart and collectively make a decision that will benefit everyone. THAT is what they are they for. If you have repeatedly gone through this process, then it's time to look for another facility that will best serve her needs. Not every community is the same as philosophy can differ to extremes.
If your mother remains frightened I would make it clear to everyone from the top administrator down that this situation has not been resolved. One on one care as stated by the previous poster is not reality. The facility does have a legal obligation to provide your sense of safety and security. Your role is to continue to advocate on your Mom's behalf until this has been resolved to your satisfaction.
My mother is also very afraid. I was told by her doctor and the staff that it is like daycare with children, everyone has to get used to each other, they will fight and then be friends again. I was also told that I babied my mom too much. My mom's assisted living has five stars with Medicaid, would hate to see what the other places are like.

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support