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I have a good f/t job for 15 years, my husband does construction which is intermittent...he has 2 jobs to do which are literally 5 minutes away from home..Mom moved in with us 6 weeks ago.and she outright refuses to stay home alone....so my husband can't do these jobs unless he does them on Sat or Sun which isn't always possible. Is it wrong for my mom to help with her social security check to help pay my bills since hubby doesn't have a stead income because he's her primary caregiver when I'm at work? My siblings have made me feel guilty...and all they care about is their inheritance..we're talking maybe $5000 each....they're giving me a hard time...and constantly telling my mother that I'm using her money inappropriately.

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Your a wonderful daughter-you have a lot of work ahead of you and money will not cover your care for her-nothing but love can.
I hope you did gain something.
Tell your siblings where to go !! I told mine-just don't know if they got there yet--seems they don't wish to talk to me anymore.
We caregivers seem to always get the s--t end of the stick.
Don't let them get you down.
Do you have POA?
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tell your siblings to go jump off a very high cliff!!! You are putting yourself out and they are no where around. Sounds like mine. We put 30 thousand into our home for mom and she paid. Brother better not say anything or she will be on his doorstep!!! Go for it and good luck.
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Lisa, don't you dare feel guilty!!! I've been taking care of my Mom for 2 plus years now, & all the money in the world isn't enough to replace the freedom a family loses when having made the decision to become their caretaker. It's a long road.
If your siblings don't like the fact that you're getting a little money from your Mom, tell THEM to take her in. It's a labor of love & it's damn hard!!!
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Get someone to stay with her whether she likes it or not! You are in the driver's seat. She cannot be allowed to dictate to you and your husband the course of your lives. She is being selfish. Yes, that comes with old age, but do not let her do it. Mom tried, but I told her go live with your son. That stopped her !!!! Get her a life alert system and GO OUT!!! Send your siblings a bill for your time and effort. That may shut them up too!! My brother does not interfere because if he does, he knows he will be expected to step up to the plate and that is the last thing he wants to do!! Get tough!!!!!!! You will regret it if you don't. Bless you.
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Bless you Lisa. We caregivers are all going through similar things. Just know you're not alone. I rarely comment on here, but I go on this site almost everyday. It really helps with my sanity.
Remember - NO GUILT!!!!!!!!!!
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Have them take her in their home.
Your siblings sound like mine.
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They live in CA & FL..and the one in NY where we are disowned me & Mom....'cause of the money. We used her money to put an addition on my house for her...and they think that I've gained by it. I didn't have the money or couldn't re-finance my house to do it...my house was 900 sq ft...so no room for her....we made her a beautiful apartment upstairs which my husband did most of the work himself.....long story.......they feel that she should've went to assisted living instead,(and all of her money would've been gone anyway)....doesn't make sense, at least she is with me, family and she didn't want to go anywhere else.....
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Thank you for all the encouragement. My mother will not have a home health aid..she really doesn't need one anyway...she's just "afraid" of being alone in the house. So the Medicaid think wouldn't help...and she wouldn't qualify anyway..but thank you for that advice. My siblings are not dirt poor...they just feel that I have gained everything...because now my house is worth more. It's frustrating because my husband and I can't go out alone, dinner, etc...
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my mom gets social security and we ask her for 300 a month my siblings are no where to be found haven't seen them since dad died 3 1/2 years ago they don't need to be asking me for anything cuz I will ask them where were you when I needed you I agree withl lovingdaughter go fly a kite jump off s cliff just leave me the heck alone. I wouldn't think another thing about them the few times I email my sister and say well guess I'll be taking mom out shopping tomorrow after work she never ever ever says anything about mom so kiss my everything.
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These sibling disagreements over money and caregiving arise all the time. The caregiver who is in charge MUST get a legal document ( DPOA or Living Will) with copies to all siblings who are not caring for the elder. This is just the way it is. Wait until death occurs and then things could get worse. I personally think that the caregiver should be paid during the caregiving process while the elder is still living and then after death occurs, the money which is left over should be divided equally among all siblings. Of course the fighting will continue. So be it.
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