Lucy4u Asked August 2010

My 91-year-old mother has not interests except doing everything with me, are there any activities for her so that I can have a break?

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91 year old mother does not have anything to do. She doesn't read, watch TV, sew, or any type of crafts. She is the "ever ready" battery and can run circles around me. She has dementia and sits at dinning table looking at catalogs. Of course never will not give up any. She won't do anything on her own, only if I'm there doing the same thing. Loves to go to stores. That's her hobby actually. I've been seeing to her needs for over 30 years!! I am getting worn out.

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windytown Feb 2013
Leslie, Sending you a virtual high five! Wish I felt as perky as all that, but I'm trying. There are good days and not so good days when you get pulled down into their own self-imposed misery. I don't say that lightly either. My mom won't even try to help herself. Won't go to the doctor, won't call anyone, won't do activities, won't write anyone, won't go to dinner in the dining room, nothing. Lately she's been talking about dying because she can't get the hairdresser of her choice. Total control freak!
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Leslie61 Feb 2013
gsw and windytown - I hear you! I am slowly moving away from the mom-instilled message that I can make her happy ... not going to let her take me down with her
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windytown Feb 2013
gsw, I'm right there with you on your observation that you can't make an unhappy person, happy. My mother has always been an unoptomistic pessimist. (Is that redundant?) LOL

I don't have that part down pat myself, either, and sometimes it leads to guilt that I'm not doing enough. I'm trying to let go of it. I think I'm getting there in little increments. I wish you well on your journey. It's not easy, that's for sure.
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Leslie61 Feb 2013
Good tip on the chores ... since my mom can still sew simple things, I ask her to help me mend things that are easy and don't matter much. She is busy and gets a sense of accomplishment (and most of the time it actually does help out).
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gsw92498 Feb 2013
Yes, my Mom will be 91 in a couple of weeks. She really had no hobbies when she was younger, so she has no idea what to do now. I am her entertainment center and it is very wearing. She lives with me, sits and waits for me to give her suggestions on what to do. She has dementia, but it isn't that bad. A lot of her confusion turns out to have been caused by medications. She is depressed and being treated for that, I play games with her, take her out to lunch occasionally, and has home health come three days a week for different therapies. I feel drained with all the figuring out what to do stuff. She pouts if my husband and I want to go somewhere by ourselves for a couple of hours. I have info from a day care program, which is very extensive paperwork included and expensive, but maybe one day a week will help. She has also been approved for an Outpatient Behavioral Health Program for depressed people that includes exercise, activities, group and individual therapy. she was supposed to start but she fell the day before she was to go - I really think it was on purpose and she wasn't hurt - and now they say they want her to wait a week at least before they try it. I'm trying really hard to make things better for her and for myself. It has always been this way with Mom. She has always needed to be entertained by someone else or she feels unloved and unwanted, but on the other hand, you can never do enough of it for her. I'm discouraged but I keep trying. I have found that is a person is basically unhappy with herself, there isn't anything I can do to change her. I have to get that through my head, that it isn't my responsibility or in my power to make her happy. I still don't have that down pat, yet.
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coleen Feb 2013
My husband is exactly the same. He can't even look at pictures! I get a carer every now and again and treat myself to a movie. Sometimes I put on i-tunes on my lap-top and play the golden oldies which he loves. At least then he will sit still. But it still means I have to sit there with him. I often wonder what would happen if we all swapped partners for a day. I bet we would be happy to get our own partners back at the end of the day. Each person has their challenges. I wish you peace of mind and the ability to cope.
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my mother who's 91 with dementia is always asking to help me with some chore around the house. I know it gives her some dignity that she's helping. So I come up with easy tasks she can do for 15 min. That's all it takes and then she's ok to watch TV because she feels she's "earned" it. Fun activities - I found she loves really loves stenciling. With the stencil paint so dry on the brush, she can't really make a mess, and she gets so excited and happy to see the design she's made at the end. I bake cookies with her and she helps decorate them - and she's still lucid enough she loves to play gin. Sometimes backgammon if she's really clear. I give her coconut oil and while I know the jury is out whether or not it helps, I have to say I notice a difference if I forget it. She's more confused without it. She loves to look at photographs, too - I thought that might be depressing for her since it might emphasize how she's lost her memory, but she enjoys looking at them and seeing who the people are.

Hope some of this helps. Hopingforsleep
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Leslie61 Feb 2013
Since you are looking to get a bit of a break, I'd consider a day care center for a bit or, if she is too frail for that, music! My mother's mood really improves if I turn on music she likes and if that distracts your mom, you might get a bit of time with her just listening ... might not work, but thought I'd suggest it
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BGB Sep 2010
My grandmother just turn 89 and enjoys doing nothing, she will tell you she wants to get out and as soon as you get her out the house she wants to go home, which rubs to to no end. once we get to where we're going the first thing she says is i'm sick and need to go home. how to you handle that do i just make her stay or take her home, if she's sitting there crying then i'm not havign a good time. i'm done with taking her anywhere.
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san Aug 2010
i appreciate all replies.and i recommend your mother not to take any medicare service.it loads a stress at this age.take your mother to some new environment.she must be in recommendation with good agencies and care giving service provider.they definitely help you a lot with no medicine.
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