My dad gets embarrassed when I give him a bath. We have tried various techniques, like using a washcloth or even keeping his underwear on but none have worked. What can I do to help bath him without him getting embarrassed?

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Hi,
My father lives with me and has severe hearing loss(he can't understand what most Dr. are saying..but does not have any
mental disabilities)
and has
been batteling bladder tumors (cancerous) for 7 years. At first
I would leave the room or turn away but as the conditions worsened
and he had to learn to self cath (with my assistance) I had a conversation with him. I am his nurse now and it is no different from any other body part, we need to take care of all body needs. Also when he
goes to a hospital a nurse must check and care for him, this allows
him to be home and we are adults now and I will do whatever it takes
to keep him healthy. This conversation has made all the difference in
the world. Actually, when I got through my personal inhibitions and
moved into the caregiver mode of what was needed, I don't even think
about it. I am careful to be as private and all him dignity.
Some people are better than others at this but try to act like it''s no big deal and let him feel like it's no big deal. Most of us had your parents take care of us when we were small your just completing the circle. Try to wash one body part at a time and keep the rest covered. Try to get as much as help as possible. If you can take care of your parent or parents it can be rough at times but there are rewards you well see. I do this 24-7 with my mom with some help from family but it's worht it.
I as a Home Care provider totally understand what all is saying. I started my business after my dad had passed away so this wasn't an issue. My mom on the other hand liked her privacy but when she got so bad she couldn't do it herself welcomed the love we gave her just by giving back.

My first and only man I helped shower resisted the help, other than his wife, when I first started. She told him I was a nurse and I was there to help as she was not at 91 able to do it all by herself. I was not a nurse only a service but didn't think that was the time to correct her. In time it got easier for both of us. A body is a body and if we can think of it that way all is good.
I do have to ask, can your father bath himself once in the shower or tub? With my client that helped a lot. It helped him maintain a little control even though I was still seeing his butt and penis. He could not get in or out of the shower without help but could use a washrag to wash. I did after a year learn to just tell him OK we need to wash you really good today. I'd talk to him about other things.
I guess if you don't want to hire someone you will have to do as we did with our mom, simply tell him we love you and we want to help you in all things. You changed my butt when I was little and now it's my turn to give back. If this does not help him, ask him would he rather you hire someone.
i was going thru the same thing . for a while my grandaughter would give him a shower cuz shes a cna . after awhile i join in to give her helping hand then from there i just took over .,
it did bothered my dad and i told him i have to do it or it ll get sore if i dont put meds on it . grandaughter cant come verytime . now i do it all and i dont think of it as embarrisment , i think of it as a job that needs to be done . just doit and be quick about it .
Top Answer
If you both are embarrassed about it, I would say maybe he needs a male figure to stand in there and help him...if that can't be arranged, then you should invest in a removeable shower head, one that you can take off the bracket and hand it to him to shower himself in the embarrassing areas. If he is capable of scrubbing his privates with the washrag, allow him to do that even if it takes longer. By letting him scrub and rinse his private areas, his dignity of showering himself will be be intact. Get a terry cloth robe to put on him as you get him out of the shower, it not only soaks up the water on his body, but it is also warm and soft.
If you can get an aid to come it is nice not to have to do it your self. But if you have too. All these suggestions are great. I Bathed mom for yrs. and since it was my mom It was not bad. I still have to change her but the aid baths her now. Good luck
tell his doctor that he needs a home attendant who can help him to bathe every day because he doesn't feel comfortable with you.
Sometimes just letting someone know that you understand that they're feeling embarrassed helps. When doing the bathing, it helps to talk, sing, whatever, to take their mind off of what is being done.
This is probably a REALLY crazy idea and I have never had to try it yet but... Could you re-name the body parts? For instance, could his nose be named his penis, and his penis be named his nose; his butt could be his ears, and his ears his butt. This would make more of a joke of things and you both might become more relaxed. Or you might give his body parts new names altogether. Maybe his butt could be twins, Tom and Jerry; his testicles, Mutt and Jeff etc. or use some names that fit with the type of job he worked at when he was employed. If he was an accountant, for instance, his testicles could be "debit" and "credit" or whatever. Doing this type of thing might help you both relax a bit and turn wash time into joke time. Or is this just TOO crazy?
Thanx all. He isn't able to wash himself at all. He isn't even wiping himself after a bowel movement, although physically there is nothing stopping him, its mental.
My eldest sister seems to have no issue, its me. I wouldn't be bothered having to wash my mom, but for some reason I am embarassed to wash my dad. I know that personally I would rather have a stranger wash me than a family member. My sister feels the exact opposite. I try to keep our own feelings out of this, yet I know my dad would be so embarassed by me washing him. I am the youngest and I just have a different relationship with him than my eldest sister.
He developed a fungal infection at his anus and it needs cream put on 2 times a day. I lie to my sister and say I do it when I am there only because she thinks I am being ridiculous. This infection has been there for 2 years. I wasn't a care taker at the time, but I do know that he could take a pill instead of cream. The care taker at the time, chose the cream 'cuz the doc said the meds cause liver problems. I know he will die of something else long before any liver problems a med will cause.
I think I will change the shower head. That alone will give him more privacy.
I do know a male would solve this issue. I am in the middle of seeing if we can get help through the VA. He served in WWII. Its dangerous for us to be lifting him anyway.
My ex husband lives down the street, but I think he'd be too embarassed to wash my dad also.
I got a lot of great tips and thank you. Its my own issues and I will have to do something to get through it. So far, I lie to my sister and let her take care of all when she is there. I have a lot of guilt over this.

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