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RIDER:

Thank her for filling the emotional potholes in your mother's life but remind her that assistance with daily living is crucial. Sit down together, review the job description, make a priority list, and take it from there. Also, let Mom know that there are things the caregiver must do around the house before "chilling" with her new best friend.
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If your mother is lonely for outside visitation, it's no wonder she's so attached to her caregiver. Maybe you can amp up the visiting of other people, or take your mom out more often (if possible) so she won't feel the NEED to talk to this woman all the time. Other than that, I guess I would talk to the caregiver first. I'd say how much my mother loves her and appreciates the conversations they have, BUT you are concerned that the things that need to be done are not getting done. And what can you do to facilitate her? Would shutting off the chatting till her duties were done help? Too bad you can't tell your mother that she is basically paying someone to come in and talk to her. I bet she wouldn't like that idea. But it is true. If the money stopped today, there would go her 'friend'.
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I am a hired caregiver. I have a work ethic which prevents me from exploiting the love my couple have for me. Tonight is an example. The Colonel called "Come join us, honey!" To which I replied "In just a sec! I'm doing the dishes right now." It's pretty simple. Talk to your Caregiver. It's so hard to pull away when your elderlies want you to just be with them. On the other hand, when I explain what I'm doing, they are so grateful. "I'm going to wash the bathroom floor, make your beds, and then I'll be back to chat for a while..." works wonders. You have to know that your hired caregiver has his/her own motivation to accomplish the tasks AND love on your mom. Both can be done. I know this first hand.
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make a suggestion that you would like to hire someone else part time to fill in just in case a need arises and the current caregiver is sick and unable to work. if the caregiver thinks she can be replaced she may start doing more and let her know that if the duties are not do you will have to find someone that can be a friend and caregiver also, there are more fish in the sea. been there many times and they do become close to the one they take care of , but they have to be reminded that you can not take up where they need to be doing their job it is to much on you. shake them up with interviewing other caregivers for part time and if that doesnt do it hire someone else. there are plenty of people looking for work.
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I have to remind my mother repeatedly that these people who come in to help are working for HER. She has always had a personality that draws people to her and her caregivers are no exception.
One thing I have done is to choose 3 caregivers for different things ie: bathing/personal care, shopping, cleaning. That way she does not get too attached to just one person. I also reminded her to not share personal information about her family, finances, or medication. I also interview and instruct the caregiver up front. I tell them not to ask personal questions, etc. There are so many other things to converse about.
If I found that a caregiver was getting too "involved" in Mom's life, I would dismiss them. There are too many scary stories on this site about parents who were taken advantage of by paid caregivers...some cases go to court because the parent has given the POA, etc. over to the caregiver.
If something does not feel right...act on it now.
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Ruth, how I wish all caregivers were as honest and as giving as you. Unfortunately, I think that you may be the exception.
No matter how close a caregiver becomes to their charges, they are not family (for better or worse). It is such an intimate relationship that it takes a very vigilant caregiver to not be "sucked" into the family drama or take advantage of a vulnerable population.
I would be very leary if my Mom started talking about her caregiver as "family." I still think that there needs to be a professional separation.
Kudos to you for seeing that this is necessary with your clients.
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I also am a paid caregiver,24/7, and completely agree with Ruth1957, I have alot to do during the day and early evening and have done what Ruth1957 does, just explain what I am needing to do. I have found that if I tell her what I am doing before I start, that helps her. I don't know that talking to present caregiver will change anything. Simply make arragments for another caregiver. You do not have to explain anything. Sounds a little mean, but there are many loving and caring caregivers with integrity that would not take advantage of the situation. Good luck to you.
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Let me be a bit stronger relative to the GREAT advise given above.

In that I come from a perspective involving my care for my Mother who had Alzheimer's Disease, this may or may not be entirely fitting, but I think so.

You must remember, lowrider, that in effect, you are the parent and your Mom is your child. Therefore, always think in terms of what type of 'babysitter' would you wish to care for your child.

Surely one who emotionally supports your child, but moreso, one who attempts to view your Mom and you with the idea... 'how can I really - honorably - help them"? And then proceeds accordingly. (Which is, after all, the all encompassing essence of Care-Giving) You want a Caregiver who not only with sincerity accomplishes the successful encouragement of your child, but also one who doesn't neglect the 'mechanics' of what Care Giving requires. There are Caregivers who are willing and able to do both.

Speak with your current Caregiver and encourage their slight change in approach, but if necessary, do not fear bringing someone else in during alternate times in your effort to make a gradual transition.

Good luck,

V
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Yes, ladeeda, it's so true! Explaining what I am about to do is SO necessary! I even have to announce that I'm going to the bathroom. Ha ha. Sounds funny - but I'm sure other caregivers understand the discomfort of sitting on the potty only to hear a shaky voice yell "RUUUUUUUTH" and what they want is for the trash can to be moved closer to their chair....
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HELLO THERE;
I HAVE BEEN A CAREGIVER FOR 30 YEARS AND I SUGGEST YOU LET HER GO. BECAUSE OBVIOUSLEY SHE IS TAKING AD VANTAGE OF YOUR MOTHER BY NEGLECTING HER CAREGIVING DUTIES... AND FROM MY EXPERIENCE I]VE SEEN ALL KINDS.HOPFULLY YOU DONT HAVE ANY MONEYIN THE HOUSE AND MOTHERS NOT IN CHARGE OF THE FINANCES.THIS IS A RED FLAG.ALREADY.. I KNOW YOU WANT MOTHER TO BE HAPPY , HOWEVER TAKE CHARGE AND MOVE ON.GOOD LUCK.TO YOU...NANCY
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