ucficicle22 Asked March 2012

What to do when a relative wants to come visit your parent but they want to be left alone?

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Today, a relative wants to come over and spend time with him, and she just plans to study and also bring her dog with her since we have a dog and the two of them can play (which I think is a good idea, honestly speaking). Well, I mentioned this to my dad, and the fact that I was going to pick this relative up, and he was like, "No." I know he likes to be by himself and that sort of thing, but lately he's suffering from a bad leg and that reasoning is sort of questionable right now. It's all right if he's left alone for a few hours (more like three) but the thing is, I'm working today, and so is my mother, and he will be alone most of the day.
I did tell the relative this and she seemed pretty hurt about all of it. She even asked if my father was all right. I explained things (the best I could) but thanks to this, I doubt she'll come over today, period.
I know that was a mouthful, but I'm hoping you can answer.

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ucficicle22 Mar 2012
Well, things kind of turned sour, in my opinion...because of this situation the relative is going to find other living arrangements until June (she has a summer internship coming up). I still think she should have stayed, but what can you do?
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JaneB Mar 2012
Oh, MAN, ucficicle22! Send that relative and his or her dog here and see if that works with my Dad. LOL.
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ucficicle22 Mar 2012
An update: this relative is staying a few months with us and already my father is having issues. He claims that it's because he can't take care of two dogs himself, but I really doubt that. He even threatened to leave the house and move into a nursing home.
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ucficicle22 Mar 2012
The thing with him is...he knows (most of the time) that if he needs a family member's help, he'll have their numbers on hand and therefore call them, but he just doesn't like anyone to be "responsible" for him. Some stuff like that. I guess he is used, more or less, to taking care of himself, it just seems impossible for him to let anyone else take care of him.
In response to the first answer...after mulling this incident over and over I realised I shouldn't have asked him, I should have let the relative come over in the first place. Well, next time.
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AvaC42 Mar 2012
Is there anyone your Dad is comfortable having around? I know my Mom was very adamant about who she wanted at the house because she was aware that she wasn't "quite right" and it made her uncomfortable to be around people who were trying to act like everything was OK. There were some people she seemed comfortable with though and we just had to go through a list of friends and family until we got that figured out. Good luck!
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JaneB Mar 2012
I'm learning I just have to announce things like that, and not ask. My Dad can't be alone, either but he thinks he can. So we jus make the arrangements and let him know. When he fusses about it, I tell him that I need it to happen and thank you for cooperating. It gave me the heebeejeebies at first, to do this. But the facts are the facts and he can't be alone. Good luck!
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