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She moved in over 10 years ago but still has her own home. My father has short term memory loss and several other medical problems. She has taken over as a caregiver. We have tried to get professional paid caregiver but they keep fireing them. Now she has lied about money and "loan". She mislead him completely. We called Adult protective services but they didnt do anything. He is mad at her, but wont press charges. How do we get her out of the house! She is an enabler and a possible hoarder. We do not want to take this to court and force Guardenship, its just way to expensive to do. Any ideas?

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Dareed1: So it sounds like you are saying your dad is a drunk and has been for some time, maybe years. This woman he has been with for the past 10 years must have her own problems or she would not have chosen to be with a man who is a drunk. My late mother-in-law had a father who was a drunk. She grew up in that environment and suffered abuse from her father. After her mom died, her dad took up with a woman who was, for the lack of a better words, a trashy slut, and he married her within 3 months after the passing of his wife. This gal happily paraded around town wearing all of the clothes that my mil's mom had in her closet. My mil was the only child and yes, the trashy broad ended up with much of the estate and personal possessions that were special between my mil and her mom. As my mil use to say, "It's a good thing that he had the trashy broad to take care of him in the end, because nobody else could stand him." Having said that, my mil was deeply hurt by her father's actions, but no more so than she was growing up in the same household with him. It sounds like your dad cares more about drinking than he really does about his family. This woman may be the only one who cares to be with him and she may not offer him a sheltered or protective life, but my guess is he doesn't offer her much either, other than some money. I may be reading more into this than is factual, but you can be the judge. If your dad has a lot of financial assets and you want to intervene for that reason, then you are going to have to go to court. If you feel your dad owes you and your family for past abuse then you may want to pursue it. Sometimes it's better to let go and walk away, but you have to weigh the pros and cons and decide your heartfelt reason for any actions you take. I'm sorry for what you are feeling. It's hard to reconcile what negligent parents do in their prime and in their old age. I hope you can find peace in this difficult time.
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I understand where you are coming from! That has got to be very frustrating to watch!

Does your dad want her out?
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She said the "Loan" was to pay off some bills . She was trying to buy the neighbors porch. We are talking over 10,000. twice.He only knew about the first one. We have copies of checks, transfers, etc, that my Dad did not approve. That is Elder Financial abuse. She is horading in his house.(Her house is so full you cant get in it. APS was there and they didnt even care about the blood on the carpet the size of a very large mixing bowl, (from his fall from her hoarding) or that the bathrooms had not been clean or that there was trash laying around, moldy food and so on. APS doesnt care if there are dead mice laying around. He is Ca and I am in Tx. She doesnt take him to his doctors appointments, or make sure he takes his medication, wont help him take a bath/shower. We have a crimal case but we dont want to upset my Dad any father. We just want her OUT! She has stayed because before his fall he was a druck and she didnt want him falling down the stairs. She was there to take him to the hospital when he got so drunk that he forgot to eat for several days and was to weak to walk. on the mini mental exam he has 18 out of 30.
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This is someone your father chose to live with more than 10 years ago, right? Was he competent to pick his friends then?

How do you know that she has lied about money? She very well could have, but keep in mind that your father may not be a reliable witness. In a paranoid period my demented husband would tell anyone who would listen that I was stealing from him. (Fortunately no one would listen, knowing this is common in dementia.)

What has she misled him about? What is she enabling? Is she doing her hoarding in her own house or his? Is it presenting a health or safety hazard?

The key question here, it seems to me, is does your dad want her out of his house? Adult Protective Services apparently did not see a risk to a vulnerable adult. Adults are allowed to make their own decisions -- even foolish decisions -- about who can live in their homes.

If she'd moved in 6 months ago and taken advantage of his memory problems I might feel differently. But I'm no so sure about breaking up a relationship he has had for this long.
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