As of late, my elder has made it abundantly clear that she is quite angry with me b/c I refuse to bring her her check book (on which acct we are joint) I refuse to bring her the check book b/c A) it bares MY name and I am not interested in having to clean up a financial mess that the rest of the family will undoubtly create when they haul her down to the bank and get her to fork over her cash.
& B) the rest of the family is hounding her about her bank books. To me, this is a red flag.
I have DPOA. I don't understand how I have become this awful heathen b/c I want to try to protect her (Altho, I understand it's probably her gripping to the little bit of control she has left)
She has been just awful to me in the past month. Name calling, belittling, saying some of the cruelest things one could imagine and now she basically wants to sever ties with me!
I have up until recently really enjoyed our lunch together, and chats on the phone and I certainly do not want to lose our relationship. Secoundly, I call her daily to ensure she is OK (she lives at home, alone and refuses all medical care, has not been to doc in 5 years, refuses a housekeeper...amny help at all)
Up until about 2 mos ago I was doing a lot of grocery shopping and spending time with her. But lately that has been relegated to another family member solely, who was sharing the responsibility with me.
Do I do as she asks and stop calling? How can I? I feel responsibile for checking on her and letting her know I am here to help.
I am so hurt, not only by the nasty untrue things she calls me, or how she tries to make me feel poorly of myself. I try to understand she's old, in pain, has some sort of dementia...but I don't want to cut ties with her.
I could stand before a judge tomorrow and account for every check I have written to care for her...and not ever touched a single dime for myself. I could have my phone records/texts suponeaed and they will show how I have worked with my other family to be a team.
They are all just concerned about the money.
I feel astho I may be repeating myself here, but I needed to vent, even if it is redundant.
My husband is fed up with me being verbally assaulted by her. I am sure he is tired of me crying. I do not feel very emotonally supported going thru this difficulty and I don't know what to do.
I simply feel like it is my responsibility to check in on her and be there for her. She has conjured up reasons to essentially hate me, with the seeds planted by other family members (who I have helped as well...and it's a one way street there)
I KNOW I have done all I can to help her, be there for her and have done the right thing. I keep reminding myself I answer to God, not her, and her money (which is not by anymeans something to scoff at, but it's not a million bucks) is not worth MY seat in Heaven. No amount of money is worth that. I'm not loaded, but I am certainly comfortable and I am VERY rich in love with my own little family. This is emotionally draining me, and inturn them and that is not fair.
I feel as tho if I were to stop calling it would be neglectful. I would really like to talk with one other family member who I *think* is my ally, but I'm not sure if that person is really in support of me, or if that person is just feding me what I want to hear & partaking in the back stabbing with the rest of them.
This distress is becoming unbareable. No good deed goes unpunished as they say, and it rings so true to me. HOW do people sleep at night knowing they are confusing an old lady, feeding her lies and knowing I must be suffering emotionally and knowing a woman I love is ready to rid herself of me? Heartbreaking and discusting, all at the same time.
Thans for any advice/support!!