My grandma has acted like an old lady her whole life. (Cheapness, not trusting strangers, OCD cleaning, fear of wetness and baths, lying to outsiders that she's ok when she's not.) She always bossed her family around and they did everything she wanted. Now she is 95, and wants 24/7 care, hardly sleeps. She doesn't trust doctors and ESPECIALLY not the hospital because she thinks that "when people go to the hospital/nursing home, they die." She wants to die at home.
She has an infected cut on her leg and when I touch 2 inches away from it gently she screams. She won't see a doctor even though she was recommended. I mentioned "If your leg hurts that much, you have to go to the hospital." She SPIT FIRE, talking about how she's not wanted, how she is going to die at home, etc.
She has a dropped cervix so she has to go to the bathroom all the time, but she also won't let the pads get wet fully. She is deathly afraid of water, and she is always trying to clean herself up. BUt she can't so we have to help her. We tell her she worries too much, but she doesn't listen.
Everything we do, like tucking her into bed, has to be done "just right." She gets mad when we don't read her mind as to what she wants us to do.
She also makes REALLY bad financial decisions. She won't put her money in my mother's name. We're afraid she'll change her will if she gets really mad at us. (We get the co-op right now.) When she was young, she advised Grandpa to make bad financial decisions and she was beyond rationalizing.
She doesn't trust outsiders to help her, because she treats them like guests when they come over. She doesn't tell them to do anything, and she just lets them talk to her. They are generally lazy too, and don't object. I don't work either so I am just staying home and doing it myself, and I don't mind. I would like to sleep though. Her behavior seems to get exponentially worse each day. Also it's Christmas so it's not feeling too good.
I haven't reached out for help until now. I would just like some outside perspective on this. And some support from people who understand. Also I'm afraid she'll say we're abusing her and we'll get in trouble.
Just now I told her I didn't need to move a glass on the table 2 inches, and now she's saying I don't deserve a bedroom and she's moving my books off "her" end table because she says it's going to break the table. Do all old people do this? How do I deal?