Am I a bad selfish daughter if I don't want my mother to move in with me, my husband and our two children?

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By all means, you are NOT a bad daughter. My mom moved in with my husband and I two and a half years ago. She has some health and mobility issues, but for the most part is able to care for herself. This has not worked out as my mom is very moody and tends to be somewhat self-centered. Earlier this month we moved her into an assisted living facility and we couldn't be happier. I know she is well cared for by good people. Overall, she seems pleased to have her own place again, even though her negative attitude still surfaces from time to time. Sometimes, even family members that we love dearly cannot, and should not, live under the same roof.
Why would any parent want to live with their children in the first place is beyond me. What ever happened to wanting to be independent as long as a person is physically able? Your mom is only 5 years older than me, and the thought of having to put my son and his wife out by me living with them is ridiculous. Believe me, your mom is NOT the only parent that I've been reading about on this website that wants to live with their kids. She's still young enough to have a fulfilling life without having to have you do the fulfilling... I don't get it.
Hearing your mom's age makes me question what is she thinking? Is she lonely? If she is not in need of Home Care or Assisted living why would she want to move in with you?
Get her in a senior complex or apartment where there would be other people she could talk to and get involved with.
My thoughts, you are NOT a bad daughter, you probably are saving your daughter mother relationship by not moving her in.
Please never think your a bad daughter. My mother lives in an in law suite attached to my home. I was hoping to have a relationship with her now that we are both older. It isnt working and things have gone from bad to worse. If anyone ever has any reservations dont do it. It makes for a very misserable life.
don't do it. it sux the life out of you and your family. My mom lives with us and it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Each day I wake up exhausted and mom is fairly easy to care for.

I've read about people who are in counseling and taking antidepressants just to put up with this stuff. Assisted Living is the way to go. Save yourself and your family!!
62 is awful young.. no, you are not being selfish. Your family must come first. Don't feel guilty about it. I was looking into assisted living or home health, but a fall put my dad in a nursing home. He refused rehab so now he is there to stay. Health issues for your mom sound minor.. is she lonely? I am assuming she is recently widowed?
Most parents do not want to live with their kids. They don't want to give up their independence. When they do, they resent you for putting them in a home. You are the people who make the decisions. If you can find someone she knows who is also in the facility, you could tell her that she won't be alone, that someone will be visiting theme every day. Read over the literature, visit the facility so you will be "in the know" when you have "the talk." She might enjoy it there.

My parents have been married for 70 years. I dread the day when one of them goes and other goes right away. But in this interim time, there is so much to do. My sister and her husband help me when they can, but I am on disability. But they fill in in a pinch,

It is very difficult, no matter who careful and how gentle you are.
I have to agree with many of the other responses. Three years ago I moved my grandmother, who is now 86, in with my family of hubbie and 2 daughters. She has Alzheimer's and was falling alot. Living out in the country (about an hour away from us) was not a good thing for her. I thought, "What a great way to give back to her everything she gave to me." She saw my grandfather die due to the neglect that he received in the nursing home. (that's another story) And, I was already her caregiver making sure she got to doctor's appointments and to the pharmacy for medicines. So with my husband's okay, we bought a duplex, had it renovated, and moved her in.

At first things were great. She was in early stages of her illness. She played well with my girls, who were 2 and 6 at the time. But now, she is demanding. She fights with my older daughter, now 9. She is always demeaning her, telling her how fat she is (though she's not at all), telling her she eats too much, or picking "fights" with her. One time she even slapped my daughter. The little one, who she loves to death and claims as her own, can do no wrong... which is also a slap in the face to my older daughter.

Since she's been here, she has been in the hospital three times with heart problems. She would have died if she'd been alone.

Anyway, my point is to think very hard about the impact on your family. We cannot take trips out of town. We've not been on vacation in over 3 years. If I leave the house to go shopping alone (just to get some ME time), she gets mad because she says I've "abandoned" her.

I know there has to be some good retirement centers that you can check out. She will be with people her own age that she can do things with. And you... you and your family will continue to have YOUR life.
Parenting the parents is hard, especially when you are parenting kids as well. The parents don't like the loss of independence and it's a hard role reversal for both you and your parents. My thoughts and prayers are with all trying to make the decision and living in the decision that they have made. There's guilt at times and there's peace at times. It's one rollercoaster ride and it's hard to balance it all. Take comfort in knowing you are not alone!
thank you for your support....
my mom has been upset with me lately, she said to me today, she doesn't believe the things i say. i am never in her corner, i always take other peoples side and i don't even know them. she can't believe i can be that way and how she can't believe she raised me to be like this. she said others have said i am strong and she is agrees. she said i will be fine..
i sad mom i don't like to see you upset and she says she is like that all the time.
i asked her to talk to a therapist, she doesn't want to pay someone to tell her how bad her life has been. she won't take any other anxiety meds except zantax, which doesn't seem like it is enough.
i have such a hard time moving on after she does this to me...she has me crying and upset. i started seeing a therapist and she said a phone call 2 times a week is fine.
i can't believe i am mean like my mom says. i work in health care and feel like i am caring. my mom has no friends she goes out with and she is 62 years old. i always upset her, i am so lost how to help her....
she says i upset her...i think of her 24/7 and just don't know what to do for her...
she lives in the past and talks about how hard her life has been..
i have to live in the present!

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