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I must look like the crazy spouse who does not understand. I feel that our little children and his grandkids from is older kids should have somwhere in his life. No balance . Chronicly ill, but no where near end of life, his parents take 24 hr/ 7 days a week every day. My husband has stopped working and moved to sleep on the couch at the tiny apartment rather than use adult daycare/ HHA or a 24 care home.
I'm just asking for some work and time with our kids ( 2 little ones in elementaly school) Seems like this could cause a divorce with most people...

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I agree with you but I can understand a little where he is coming from. He is probably scared that if he leaves they will die. It sounds as though guilt is running his life. Try to help him understand that he can not stop them from passing away and that having someone else come in and help them is not being a bad son. Try to turn it into how he needs a break. Also, maybe have him bring his parents over to your house for a few hours so that he is at home with his children and his parents at the same time. I'm not sure if this was helpful but its just my suggestions. Good luck.
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Heavens...how does this work?? Your hub has stopped working...so are you the sole breadwinner. That means you are working all day and then have the kids at night all alone? Do I have this right? If so, this is just too extreme. Does your hub have a strong emotional attachment to his folks and has it always been this way? It could be his way of feeling safe and feeling like a child again. Sleeping on the sofa will not insure that they will not get ill or pass away at some point.
What he is doing is not healthy in any way. Have you talked to him about it in a calm, direct way?
Perhaps some counseling is in order. He is missing out on his life with his family. No good can come from it especially when you used the word "divorce" in your post. I hope you can convince him to talk with someone who will give him a little perspective.
good luck
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