When to determine your parent can't live alone any longer?

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My mother is 84 and lives alone. She has alienated herself from her family as she is a very difficult person to deal with. She has unofficially diagnoses as a narcisstic, borderline personality, so not an easy person to have as a parent. She accuses her family of stealing from her, is ungrateful and all she does is complain and talk about who is doing what to her and poor me, so no one wants to have a relationship with her including me, but I care about her well being and want to ensure she is safe, but she makes it difficult to help her. I don't feel she should live alone and should go into an assisted living, but she will not go willingly. I don't want to be put in a position to have her forcefully removed from her home. Is is left to the family member to decide this or can an outside party determine it is not suitable for her to live alone? She also has two dogs and two cats which she loves and won't part with. Not an easy situation to deal with for sure. Not sure where to turn or what to do.

Answers 1 to 3 of 3
would she be open to the idea of having a caregiver a few hours a day, to make sure she eats, takes her meds, run to the store for her??? Maybe if she understood she only has a few options it would be easier on you.... My dad was like your mom, but he choose to go into AL, as he knew no one would take him in... but he was falling a lot and constantly calling 911, his Dr. is finally the one who suggested either a NH or AL because he couldn't keep staying in the hospital... I know the situations are different, but maybe you are going to have to be strong and simply let her know it has to be one or the other..... give her time, maybe if she thinks it's her idea, she'll go for it... reminding her she will be able to keep her pets if she has someone come in, but insist she can not be alone all the time anymore... let us know how things work out for you... there are many threads here for you to get involved with, one is about dysfunctional families and caregiveing... they may better be able to guide you.... good luck...
I have been honest with my mother and have told her what we need to do to allow her to remain in her house. She also loves her animals and this is an important factor in her decisions. I think this has changed the issues and arguments. Best wishes!
jrt00,

Check out this article on warning signs that your parent should not be living alone any longer. This might help you determine the next steps caring for you mom.

20 Warning Signs Your Parent Needs Help at Home
https://www.agingcare.com/Articles/parents-in-denial-about-needing-home-care-143228.htm

Good Luck :)
Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team

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