Is the best thing for a dementia patient to stay in their home with a family member rather than going to assisted living? I heard it always was.

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I am caring for my Mom, my best friend. My siblings (5) are not sure that its the best thing for Mom financially. They know that we are much closer than any of them are with Mom, but they think I'm spendng all of Mom's money. Not true, but the reality is is that they are concerned and now looking into whether it would be better for Mom anyway. Please help.

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Expert Answer
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This is highly individual. The first thing you may want to do, if you keep caring for your mom and your siblings are worried you are abusing money (a common, unfortunate family issue), is to see an estate attorney or elder law attorney and have something drafted as to how the money is tracked, paid to you, or whatever.

It's likely that AL will cost more than paying you would. Still, it depends on how much care your mom needs. This sounds more like a family issue, so far, than a health issue. Please take steps to protect yourself against all out family warfare.

Assisted living is a wonderful step for many people. I'd look into that, if only for future reference. You can then tell your siblings how much that costs, which is a bonus!
Good luck,
Carol
I thought it was best to have parents live with family too, however, the issue of money came up when they were living with me. My siblings thought I was spending their money - but they don't have any. I was spending our money - it poured out of our house (e.g., $750 cell phone bill talking to docs etc or work b/c I was at hospital or docs). My parents when to live with my sibling, but it was a rouse so that my step-dad could live independently, using my mother's ss $$ and his own to afford apt living. He can manage on his own, but he can't manage her care. And now his own health has declined considerably. THere is no one looking after them in any consistent way. Their choice was to stay here and live in an assisted living facility (as I could not offer the care they needed 24/7) or to move to live with my brother out of state and be cared for by his wife - but then they moved out on their own, and I have no idea what care exists for my mother now. Siblings are always suspicious that the caregiver is getting the lions' share of the assets,

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