What do you do when you are dealing with an 88 year old control freak with no money?
At what point to you make the decision that you elderly parent cannot live alone? My mom is 88, very controlling, bitter and smothering. We convinced her to move to the town we live in three years ago, two years after my dad passed away, due to the fact that I was having to travel three and half hours every time she got sick, which became very frequent. We found an extremely nice independent senior apartment complex for her to move to. She lived there a year and hated it, she refused to do any of the activities, go on any of the day trips or let them take her to doctors appointments. She insisted she would be happier in a duplex and it would be cheaper. So two years ago she moved into a duplex. I explained to her when she made this move that she would be all alone and never see anyone. That is exactly what has happened. She never sees anyone except me and my children. We are all very busy with jobs and school. I work and spend my half day off with her, we go to lunch and do whatever she wants to, shopping, beauty shop, doctor, etc. She insist now that me and my husband spend our weekends with her also. I have explained that on the weekends we have things we have to do as well as thing we want to do. She gets very angry when we go anywhere without her, even dinner. She continues to say that we could spend the weekend with her. She has had to go to the doctor at least once or twice a week for weeks now and I am having to take off work to take her. She continues to say that she never asks me to do anything for her. She cannot even call the doctor's office on her own. I call all her prescriptions in, make all her appointments and take her everywhere. I have contacted social services and she qualifies for numerous amounts of help. She refuses all of it. She insists that I can continue to do it all. She wants to move in with me and my family. This simply isn't an option due to her personality and attitude, she would not only drive us all crazy but it would probably end my marriage because she doesn't respect the fact that I have a marriage and we need time as a couple. She can be very hateful and verbally abusive to me. She has not been diagnosed with dementia but I strongly feel there is some dementia going on. She has no money and cannot afford an assisted living. I just don't know what options I have. She has refused all the help that we could have received and I am beginning to get extremely angry and resentful. She is a professional at making me feel guilty. This is affecting my life in such a negative way and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.