I am losing all stability with caregiving; how do I deal with the stress of caregiving?

Asked by

I have been caring for my mother for only one month and am already going crazy. I am on the computer at 11:oo pm on a sunday. I run a daycare my clients, some are my friends are exiting post haste because I have had to take so much time off for the hospital stays. My house is in complete chaois, my children are fighting non-stop (they have to share a room now). My life is completely out of control and with the loss of income no hope of it getting better. How do people do this, how can I do what should be considered right when it never fails to create problem after problem for me and my family. How do I do this?

Answers 1 to 10 of 11
Top Answer
jaymie, you have 4 sisters can they help ? you will burn out if you do this alone. you will always love your mom, but you will resent her because you will not have quality time with your small children and husband. once you take all responsibility for mom you will probably be expected to do it the rest of her life. at least that is what i have experienced myself and alot of others on this site. please get some help before you are completely alone in taking care of her.
good luck
I do have sisters but unfortunately the farthest one is all the way across the country and the closest is a 7 hr drive from my house. I am lucky to have a few good friends although I have learned some are not that good when times get tough. It sounds like I need to establish a network of helpers and just take whatever help I can get. Thank you, just talking to someone has helped.
jaymie, jaymie jaymie, i am so sorry to hear that. maybe the one 7 hrs away could help every other month, ya'll could meet half way. i know that is hard and could mom make the trip. just a suggestion. paw paw had a stroke and heart attack was in the hosp. 28 days they didn't think he would make it, but he did then he was diagnosed with 100% blockage in his neck on one side and 80% on the other side. he had no circulation in either leg and a 8centimeter anurosim in his aorta (top of the stomach) and they gave him a less than a year. but guess what he made for 4 years with all of that. he passed 1.5 years ago and i still have granny here.
get help where ever you can. hope i didn't bring you down, i am glad you found this site every one shares so much in common and every one does try to help.
i'm pulling my hair out literally.. I've found I'M NEVER ALONE.. yet i'm so very lonely.My MIL is right beside me all day, basically on top of me. i make a game of it with myself walking the other way in the house when she heads towards me.It seems like my husband is aways doing something other than spending time with his mother or me, I've never in my life been one to crave attention, yet today i would give my life for some...i also see myself relying to much on my valuim.. Before i started cargiving i only took 10 a month, recently increasing that to 20,, tomorrow i am seeing my doctor to increase the number again, this iss scaring me i have had major drug isssues in the past and hate to start reling on a medication to get through the days.
I am trying to stay away from anti depressants, and I have come to find that there is a whole slew of B vitamins that work very well on calming me down. And they are not expensive. B2. B4. B12 -it looks like an algerbra problem. Ask your doctor tomorrow about them and what he thinks will help.
I garden. Plant and the world plants with you...weed and you weed alone. I am good about letting my troubles go to God in the garden. Maybe MIL will stay in the house and let you be.
You should look into
1.day care -if you can afford it and if your mother is able to go

2.Hospice Palliative care - this is comfort care- if your mom has an illness that will eventually be her demise -pleas do not fear hospice care this does not mean mom is dying soon and is a way to releive your self a little. They will come to your home to help .
It is well worth looking into to see if it will be helpful you can always say no if you don't like it
Where are you all located? Investagate care giver support groups in your community. Also look into adult day care or respite programs in your counties. There are programs that can help relieve some of the pressure .....even if it is for a few hours each day. Siblings who connot help with direct care should be asked to help pay for day care or respite care if you don't qualify for community programs.

I'm going to ask you (and all others reading) the same thing I asked my 83 year old mother. Are you willing to kill yourself doing patient care? Literally? I could already my mother losing ground physically and mentally while taking care of my father. She was still 100% in the denial stage of what was being required of her to take care of his daily needs. So, I stepped in. Quit my good job and began living with them. STILL, she tried to do physical care of him that she wasn't equipped to do and just let me drive them, cook, shop, clean, pay bills, etc. He wouldn't let her get a decent nights sleep. She would crawl around on the floor trying to put his pants on, not understanding there are easier ways to do it. So after my major sacrifice of my job and life, things still weren't much better. Finally, months later I am the one tending to all his needs. I only leave the home for a few hours at a time to do errands when he is asleep. They are both sweethearts and appreciative and easy to handle. EVEN SO, life is hard and lonely and my future is now very insecure. I have no siblings to help me with them. BUT I have no young children an am divorced so I'm not being torn in every direction, either. PLEASE DO NOT DESTROY YOURSELF, YOUR MARRIAGE OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR LITTLE ONES IN ORDER TO BE A CAREGIVER. There are other very important people and relationships in the equation. Figure out compromises or something else entirely and don't feel guilty.
You have to follow your own advice if you want others to. Everyone needs helps now and then, and respite for balance. Just as you are caring for your parents, and they are blessed to have you, it wouldn't hurt to think of yourself and your own mental and physical needs as well.
Anne, you are right. Well, the rest of my story is that I get out and see my married children 2 nights a week and sometimes go to karaoke and blow off some steam. And my best girlfriend has a caregiver mother who is always willing to come in and help. I get out for very short but great visits with friends weekly. I am now staying with them 24/7 in an assisted living facility. I don't have to shop or cook and can go down to the exercise room daily while still only being a few steps away if I'm called back. Also, I have a backup plan for if/when my dad progresses past my ability to care. So, life has gotten easier instead of harder but I only got to this point after nearly breaking down (and moving them twice). Thanks to my kids for all their moving van support!

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support