How do I deal with resentment form my childhood to give my mother the respect she deserves as she ages?

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"docs were afraid to talk to him about his bi-polor problems" Any doctor who is that weak deserves to be reported to the medical board or whoever.
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Interesting and surprising! We never know when we are going to take positive steps. Good for you, GlendaLee.
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I had one day that I blew up on my father. he was going on and on about one of ouyr family members that he really liked. That family member sexually abused me from 6 to 17. It was more than I could take and I told Dad EVERYTHING that had happned as a child. Didnt get much out of him (certiankly not I am sorry or anything) but he does not talk much about that family member anymore.
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I am not able to talk to my mother about how mean she was to me growing up I know she would not amitt it or would try to make it all my fault but at least I knew how to be a good mother and my kids turned out well despite having a memtally ill father so many of his docs were afraid to talk to him about his bi-polor problems and were very accepting of him saying I am fine but my wife is crazy finally a NP got it and put him on meds but his main doc gave him every pain med available so he abused pain meds and drank loads of coffee and took caffine pills and was higher than a kite most of the time but I survived is spite of my childhood and marriage with Gods help.
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Oh how i wish that were true for my dad. But he still sees me as a little girl who doesnt know anything and gets anger in a split second if he thinks I am trying to tell him anythig. I am the one with bipolar and I so want sometimes to be the sick one, the one others take care of, even for a moment or a day. But seems like I am always caregiving. Thank God for my finacee who does try to do that for me.
Best book I have read on bipolar: loving someone with bipolar disoder by Julie Fast and john Preston.
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I looked at it as a blessing. When I went to a class on caregiving, the speaker said that they person you are taking care of, who has dementia, is not the parent that you remembered from before. Usually, this is a negative affect. If my father remembered how he felt about me through my life, then he would never allow me to take care of him. But, through dementia, he now looks at me as the sweetest lady on earth, he loves me, and won't let anyone else around him, if I'm not there. God works in mysterious ways. Now my memories of my father will be the loving, closeness that we have now, and not the bitter years of long ago. I finally got the father I've always wanted.
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Kudos to you Susan! ((((((((HUGS)))))))

"An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Jamison Redfield is probably one of the very best books I have ever read on the subject of Bipolar Affective Disorder. Many, many very, very famous people are bipolar especially actors and actresses. It is the extremes of emotion that allow them the creativity that they have and help them to display the range of emotions that they are able to articulate. Many famous artists were also bipolar ~Vincent Van Gogh was one of them. I would like to speak further about my experience with bipolar affective disorder but I am sure it will take us way off topic. I just wanted to mention this book by Kay Redfield Jamison. She is a clinical psychologist and one of the foremost experts on this potentially devastating disorder and is also bipolar herself. I highly recommend this book for all living with this disorder whether you have it yourself or are living with someone with it.
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Good for you, SusanT!!!
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I can identify with you bigtime, my mom was always even since I was a little kid 7years old, very inconsistant, I was always living in fear, walking on egg shells, etc,,,,,,,,,,,, for no real reason, IT was obvious that she had serious mental problems, How I deal with this now since the roles of parenthood have swapped so to speak, I show her all that she didnt show me whlieI was growing up! whatever I would never do to my own child I taught her never to do to me,she may or may not remember the aweful abuse I got growing up, but that is all water under the bridge now, I dont do any discussing of it with her, I do this with my therapist,,,,,,,I look at it like this, she is the very sick one now who needs love and compassion and consistency, and thats exactly what I try to give her, I never mention or ask why she did what she did way back then, as she has probably blocked all of it out anyhow,,,,,,,,,,,I just keep doing what I feel is the next right thing, and good things keep happening to us,,,,now she consideres mr her hero, I am always there for her, 2 sometimes 3 times day, and I keep my word, showing her that lying and keeping our words to each other are extremely important to ANYONES relationship!! She is starting to get it, and respects me now more than ever in my life!
hope this helps at least a lil
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There are DBT books now which are applied to many mental health issues beyond borderline and focused on bipolar disorder.
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